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It ended at Midnight -Chapter 4

by myjaspercat


Melody

I don't exactly remember how I ended up outside, but I was there, desperately sucking in deep breaths. My body screamed at me, the anger slowly starting to build again. It didn't care that I was outside now, I was still standing on the side of my house, too close to everything in there. It wanted me to keep going, pulling me away from all the abuse and hatred that no doubt was waiting for me inside. I put my hands on my thighs, doubling over in pain as I tried to recollect my thoughts. If I didn't go back up to my room, then someone in my family was sure to find me missing and that wouldn't be good. But I also couldn't just waltz into the house like I belonged there, everyone would notice me and that would be worse. To be honest I don't even know how I got out here without someone seeing me.

"Let it go Meldoy. Just keep going. You won't regret it I promise."

There it was the voice again. It's foreign sound bringing my heartrate back up. Seriously what the hell was happening. I had gone crazy. That must be it. It's like all those sad stories of the kids who develop like alternative personalities or whatever when they experience trauma. That's what was happening to me. It had to be. I couldn't believe it. Dammit this couldn't be real.

"You're not crazy Meldoy. Confused maybe but not crazy."

"Get out of my head!" I screamed out loud. My voice cracking.

I tried to steady my breathing once more, rubbing my hands down the sides of my legs in an attempt to ground myself. If I could just calm down for one second, then I could come up with some rational option. Shit, I would settle with something semi-rational at this point. I just need to think. After a few minutes I knew that I needed to just suck up my fear and go back inside. It was starting to get dark outside, and I was out here in nothing but a pair of shorts and a tank top. I didn't even have shoes on. I pushed myself up off the ground, supporting my body against the side of the house. A few steps towards the front door and the rage hit me again, the feeling washing over me in a wave. My stomach churned, I had to hold back the vomit that threatened to come up.

"Don't you dare go back in there Melody. Turn around right now." The voice scraped against my brain, almost like it was trying to bite my consciousness into submission.

I ignored it, or at least I tried to. Another couple steps forwards and my legs gave out. I dropped to the ground, throwing my hands out in front of me in an attempt to break my fall. A cry left my lips as a sudden pain radiated form my wrist. I could see it already starting to purple and swell. Great. Just another thing to add to the long list of why this weekend has to be the worst weekend ever.

"I told you Meldoy. You are not going back in there."

"Who are you. What is happening to me?" I cried, my emotions boiling over. I wanted this feeling to go away. Somehow in the last two days my entire sense of self had completely morphed into this foreign creature. I barely even recognized who I was right now.

"I am you my dear and you are me. We are one." The voice replied. "Everything will make sense my child I promise, but you have to trust me."

"Trust you?"

"Yes Melody. Now turn around and leave. Just run and don't look back."

I thought about it for a minute. What she was saying made sense. Kind of. When I took a step back into the alley by my house, I could feel the rage lessen. As if it was responding positively to my retreat. I stopped again, took one last look at my house which hummed with the party inside before I turned around and booked it down the street.

-----

I had stopped running about an hour ago, my sense of direction completely turned around the second I entered the tree line. I had never strayed so far from the town boarder before, and I had absolutely no idea where I was at the moment. I don't know when the voice in my head or the anger I felt had stopped but they did, and I was getting kind of lonely. I continued to move my way through the overgrown foliage as I tried to navigate my way out of the woods and back into society. It was dark and it was late, and I was pretty sure my parents had already realized I was gone. I was going to be in so much trouble when I got home.

While I tried to determine which way I should go, I could swear I could see something move out of the corner of my eye. Moving a few more steps I paused mid stride when I saw movement again. My head moving like a swivel on my neck. I didn't know what I was looking for exactly but there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that didn't quite sit right. The hum of her voice vibrating in my head again.

That's when I saw him, he was standing about 20 feet away hidden behind a couple of trees. At first, I thought I had imagined it. That maybe my delirious brain had conjured up a person where I only saw shadows. I wouldn't have put it past myself at this point. After everything that had happened tonight one more strange thing wouldn't be unheard of. But when I turned around again, he was still standing there. A tall looming silhouette of a man. I couldn't move, my limbs frozen in place. It started to get harder to breathe, the cold air of the autumn night causing gooseflesh against my skin. There was something about him that called to me like a siren song. Dangerously alluring. I blinked a couple times, trying to get him out of my head but he was still there, still real.

"Go to him Melody." The voice chimed. Her tone almost giddy with excitement.

I was already starting to get used to the inner commentary inside my head. I couldn't quite explain why but it was comforting. Like somehow it was always meant to be there.

"Who is he?" I whispered to no one in particular.

"He's a god, our god. That is our destiny."

I thought about what the voice was saying. It didn't make sense but then again none of this made sense. I felt like I was dreaming and before I knew it my feet started walking towards him as if they had a mind of their own. My heart rate picked up, the faint pitter patter deafening my ears. I could feel the crunch of leaves under my bare feet as I continued my approach, the smell of the wet dirt invading my nostrils. I didn't even realize it had rained today, I had to been too busy getting everything ready for Veronica's party.

But there was something else in the air too. Something that smelled sweet and intoxicating. The rich aroma of chocolate and pine. For a second, I thought it was coming from him, but it couldn't have been. There was no way a human could ever smell so invigorating especially from so far away. The voice in my head whined, wishing we were beside the strange man already. It confused me, my sudden need to be there. As if brought to life by my slow approach the man moved, slipping out from behind the trees he had been hiding behind. I could see him better now and it caused me to stop moving.

He was tall, taller than anyone I had ever met before, and I could tell now that he wasn't from our small little town. He towered over me, and it scared me a little. The reasonable part of my brain urged me to turn around and go back the way I had come. It kept telling me that I wasn't safe out here in the middle of the woods with a strange man who could probably out power me. But I wasn't listening to the reasonable part. The voice in my head still urged me forwards and right now she seemed like the right voice.

"It's him Melody. We have found him. I know it." She continued.

"Him," I repeated out loud, unsure of who he was.

I didn't realize I had stopped walking until I looked up and was met with his striking green eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness. Up close I could see that he was shirtless, his chest smooth with muscles that rippled under his skin. The sweet mouthwatering smell that I noticed earlier was stronger now. It blanketed itself around me like it was trying to lure me in closer to him. He looked down at me, his eyes wide as if he too was shocked to see someone else walking through the woods in the middle of the night. I could make out the perfectly chiseled features of his face too, high cheekbones and a square cut jaw. My god, the voice in my head had been right. He was a god. I swallowed the spit that had started to gather in the back of my throat, my palms turned clammy. I didn't know what to do now that I was here right in front of him.

"Wh-who are y-you?" I stuttered, annoyed that my voice was giving away the fear I so desperately wanted to hide.

He didn't answer. I didn't expect him to quite frankly. Instead, the voice inside my head responded. "He's our mate," she cooed.

Mate? What did she mean by that? Everything was so confusing right now. The world started to spin around me. My brain trying so hard to process what was going on. I could feel beads of sweat dot the back of my neck while I tried to slow my breathing again. It didn't help. My surroundings were moving too fast around me and before I knew it, I could feel my knees give. A soft 'oh' left my lips as I tried to brace my body for the impact I knew was coming when I inevitably hit the floor. But the impact didn't come. Instead, I could feel my body being supported by strong warm hands that burned my skin where they touched it.

"Mate." I heard him speak, his voice smooth like velvet before I blacked out. 


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Fri Sep 09, 2022 11:32 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I thought this chapter was the most well-written from all the others I have read from this story. Melody's emotions were so perfectly described that I could imagine and empathize with her throughout this strange ordeal she is going through right now. There's not a lot that happens in this chapter (not until the second half) and even then, it mostly focuses on what Melody is feeling and how she is perceiving the situation. And because of your excellent narration, I was hooked on every word and every emotion. I was invested throughout and I completed the chapter in one sitting, which is saying something for me.

I really liked the way you are progressing here. Melody's confusion and fear is genuine and expected and we can actually see that she has absolutely no clue about what is going on. The implementation of the 'voice' was an interesting choice. I have never read about voices in any of the werewolf fantasy stories I have read, but I am really curious to see where you go with this. At the moment, the voice seems to be reasonable and is 'acting' with Melody's interest in mind. I am just not sure if the voice is supposed to be a separate being or if its a part of Melody herself.

This chapter can be seen as being divided into two parts. And while I enjoyed reading both, I wish that you had spent a little more time on the first before moving on to the second. What I mean to say here is that I think it would have been better to watch Melody come on terms with this enormous change in her life first before jumping on a new storyline with the mate. I think it would have made the story feel more grounded and less hurried. Here is Melody, who has absolutely no idea about what is going on inside her body and then we already have her stumbling into the arms of her supposed mate. I just think right now Melody is in a very influenceable position and I would rather she came into her own before believing that some random guy hiding creepily in the woods is her mate.

Although, I am very sure that there is his side of it as well - if we really are to believe that he is her mate, then he would in most probability, know when Melody started feeling all these strange and new emotions triggered by the transformation. It will be interesting to find out where he is coming from, but I still can't help wishing that he came a little later.

Now, here are a few nitpicks:

There it was the voice again.

I think this sentence can be better framed as "There was that voice again," or "There it was - that voice, again." The sentence just felt a little callously put in a very intense moment.

Seriously what the hell was happening.

There should be a question mark in the end instead of a period. Also, Melody's thoughts after this felt a little too direct and informal which kind of disrupted the serious flow of the narration.

While I tried to determine which way I should go, I could swear I could see something move out of the corner of my eye.

Again, another nitpick, but the 'I could swear I could see' sounds a little repetitive with 'could' being used twice in a very close context. I think you can do okay without one of them

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Sat Aug 20, 2022 3:00 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you are having a fantastic day or night!
Straight off the bat, there's a lot to like about this chapter. I like how swiftly your story moves, each new chapter expanding upon either the world or its characters. With every conclusion, I have a dozen more questions- who is this god? Where did he come from? What does he have to do with Melody?
This is a personal opinion, and keep in mind, it's an uninformed one, but I found the term "mate" rather strange. The concept of this voice in your head leading you to this random dude in the woods feels a little creepy to me. Again, I have to see what you do with it, as it stands, all I have is the cliffhanger to go off of. Part of it might be that I didn't expect a romance. I'd recommend marking your future chapters as such, if this is going to be important later on.
I also noticed you used a lot of filler words. Which, to be clear, have their place, but in this particular instance, made me feel a little disconnected from Melody.
I'm sorry both these points were a little nitpicky. I thought this chapter was very well written, and a great set up to the next one! I'm insanely curious to know where this is going, and cannot wait for the next chapter (Mind tagging me when that drops so I don't miss it?)
With that, keep on writing, and have a great day! :D





This is a house of homes, a sacred place, by human passion made divinely sweet.
— Alfred Joyce Kilmer