Wow! The metaphors in this poem are so good. The words are well chosen and the flowing rhymes are awesome!!
Although there are some missing punctuations here and there, its fine because it doesn't harm the flow even a wee bit.
My eyelids weigh in endless night
This broken wake, my solitary blight
Should I close my eyes to see
Puppet strings and mastery
Or should I stay awake to find
A pen to direct my own demise
Amazing start. To me, it seems like a transition from a human to a puppet. Because in these stanzas, it feels that the human is dreading the time he will become a puppet. The phrase 'A pen to direct my own demise' is so apt here. It gives the gist of the poem. The mere fact that you don't seem to own when you'll die is conveying that you are not in charge of your own life. But who is the master? A tyrant on this earth? Or god from heavens? The answer weighs more on the former side. But the latter can also be a possibility. That is, when we are in a cynical mood.
But even in wake I come to face
The monsters that I love to chase
My arms lift on their own accord
Strings at each joint, flesh a wooden board
Mind battles the physical line
My scissors cut, end my time
My body falls, neither asleep nor awake
For a puppet has no thoughts to make
These stanzas indicate the transformation. Unlike in the first ones, where the person had the choice at least to wake and sleep, here he is found totally helpless with the phrase'For a puppet has no thoughts to make'. End my time...is so good a phrase. And yet, how does the puppet fall when the scissors cut his strings? Shouldn't he escape- unless he's dead. Which is a great possibility if only the last two lines didn't make it a mystery!!
Wonderful poem anyways. I loved reading this. Keep going mordax
Points: 789
Reviews: 70
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