I fell into darkness
Crafted with evil and scorn
Yet, if your God created Heaven
Then from Him, Hell too was born
If corruption is the sin of man
And that sin is Me
I suppose your God's corrupt
For He created thee
I am Lust, Sloth, and Greed
Envy and Gluttony
I am what man desires
Yet God takes Pride in humanity
I am Wrath, I crave destruction
I'm ignited with bright rage
For you preach of right and wrong
In a world with no pain
Your God houses you in the skies
Where love and joy can prosper
What He masks with careful deception:
A sinful imposter
Evil and Good
They're not so different
Product of one hand
Do not protect your God any longer
For your God is also damned
*This is in no way an attack on anyone's religion. Merely a poem in the perspective of the Devil*
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139,887 Literary Works • 672,720 Reviews
'Ello there!
First Impressions:
I admire poetry that personifies a personage in a liturgical perspective due to spirituality and faith being an intricate matter. What religion means to people changes as they mature as a person, and that can alter their viewpoints on symbols assumed to be sinister. I'm not at all painting what most religions say to be faulty because nobody knows.
The idea of what can be deemed blasphemy is very thinly veiled, I believe. I don't adhere to a significant religious organization that includes Lucifer as a dangerous spirit, so advancing into this, I had limited expectations it would modify any of my opinions on the matter. I was correct, but it did moderately give me some outlook.
In the first stanza, we see God communicated in a way that crafts a perspective comparable to "if there is good in the world, there is also evil," which is questionable but, for the most part, valid to several people who follow a religious denomination now. It helps humanize both God and Satan as we proceed to discover their motives.
The same overall approach is reiterated in the following stanza. If Satan is corrupt, so is God because he conceived the capability to become nefarious. Now, as I stated previously, what can be recognized as unethical changes depending on the person you might question's overall disposition and established beliefs.
The next stanza introduces transgressions performed, and how individuals are effortlessly manipulated into doing immoral deeds. The conflict presented between Satan and God here proposes a question regarding "which of us is actually the mistaken one?" and that's perhaps something to reflect on later.
Then we are introduced to emotion. Even though we recognize Satan as this destructive personality, we don't comprehend why he is distinguished as representing those attributes. This helps with humanization as well because it produces an ambiance.
The succeeding stanza concentrates on heaven being a disguise for God to maintain his harmful behavior. I assume it's a conception of a false sense of protection being constructed here because of the usage of "joy" and "love" when those might just be camouflage to conceal the actual disruption occurring behind the scenes.
The ending wraps it up perfectly. It restates the point you were attempting to secure throughout and transmits a feeling of almost incompleteness. There's more happening, but it's left for the reader to determine on their own terms.
Digging Deeper:
The complete message here that I've noticed converses loud and clear. It attaches an understanding that you might be not completely isolated, and there's a compelling sense of things supposed to be reliable might not be as stable as we imagined beforehand.
It's a glimpse into the head of someone everyone has feared for an extremely lengthy time, which is troublesome to achieve regularly. There's this simplistic representation on the surface, but it neglects numerous inquiries commonly requested for it to be regarded as uncomplicated.
I do actually approve of how wrath gets its own stanza because it composes an impression of that signifying something more severe than the others, which can likely be tied back to the whole message with God being an unfavorable figure for inventing disaster and sin.
The verb "houses" has a negative atmosphere that most people might neglect to notice at first. It reminds me of a penitentiary that houses criminals, which does become associated with the overall awareness of something being wrong here.
There's also "Do not protect your God any longer / For your God is also damned."
People defending God even when he is corrupt produces a detailed picture. Some might not be forced to believe the way they do, but they're accustomed to accepting everything after a prolonged time of not considering the defective moments.
Nitpicks:
I'm not convinced about how most of the concepts are capitalized. Pride, wrath, and other related wrongdoings aren't proper nouns. It makes registering the poem a challenging task because of all of the variations in level transpiring.
I'm also not convinced about how several of your impressions advertising why God is harmful are played out. The timeline shifts from producing corruption to discussing all of the immorality and then going backwards into bringing up what God has designed again.
I'm not a fan of the absence of punctuation too because of the placement of a colon. If that was removed from the line, then the whole poem would be continues and not have a disjointed technique. I don't frequently recommend having none at all, but it operates with the climate.
Speaking of not being a supporter of something, the rhyming feels heavily restricted in most areas. There isn't a solid flow to most of the lines, which constitutes an irregular movement when examining most sections where lines start long-drawn and then get smaller.
The rhyme system also varies regularly. I can't see a definite appearance of something being ABAB or comparable to that, which can be associated with what I stated earlier.
Conclusion:
I appreciated viewing this because it revealed your own feelings and incorporated in the beliefs of another being portrayed in a critical way. It felt equitable and gave off an environment that wasn't accepting of the concepts created by other people.
Good job ~
chi
Thank you so much for this wonderful review!
oooooooh juicy story ideas 10/10
The Devil makes a really good point! I am not usually one for rhyming poems. And I know that you were not necessarily trying to make fun of Abrahamic religions, but do love a good satire (Especially a clever and poetic one)
My only criticism is that I don't quite understand why wrath gets its own stanza, while the other deadly sins share. Actually, the whole wrath stanza confused me a bit.
I thought that the "I am what man desires/ Yet God takes Pride in humanity" was particularly brilliant. This is something I have never been able to reconcile.
Wonderful job, YellowSweater
Thank you!!