Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
The romantic plight:
a soul of light
or darkness resides within.
The scientific fact:
a soul we lack,
only flesh and blood within
If I press my blade to skin,
what will I see?
Perhaps you carry a soul,
perhaps there is beauty
If I press my blade to skin,
beauty will I find?
No, I only found life's blood
to drain your final Time.
Another and another,
poked full of holes;
each a disappointment
for I never found a "soul".
A novelist, a poet,
a philosopher and a saint;
all will claim love and souls
to be the strongest things.
Frail romantic notions;
dreams of beauty within flesh.
True, self-proven science;
no such beauty in crimson red.
Romance battles science,
but there really is no war.
For what power holds romance
when I pressed my blade and tore
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139,887 Literary Works • 672,720 Reviews
Oh. My goodness. I knew I HAD to read this poem the moment I read the description, and it did not disappoint.
This entire poem is hauntingly beautiful, and your writing style is so unique and lovely.The rhyme scheme is slightly uneven, and it fits perfectly with what the poem is about. The progression of the story you tell, the pacing, its poetic nature, is perfectly done.
"The romantic plight:
a soul of light
or darkness resides within."
The perfect way to begin this poem; the intial contrast between light and darkness is well established. Already a beautiful phrasing is seen.
"The scientific fact:
a soul we lack,
only flesh and blood within"
The establishment of the killer's views; they don't believe that anything lies where they cannot see. It's an intriguing point to make, establishing perhaps the reason the killer kills; to explore, to test their hypothesis. Perhaps they believe that, without a soul, human life has no value. Chilling and wonderful.
"If I press my blade to skin,
what will I see?"
No words. These two simply lines are just - perfect.
"Perhaps you carry a soul,
perhaps there is beauty
If I press my blade to skin,
beauty will I find?"
The second part of this is a bit repetitive, as it sort of just restates the previous point made, and it sort of messes with the rhythm? But obviosuly take everything I say with a grain of salt.
"No, I only found life's blood
to drain your final Time."
The use of time as a physical concept, such as something a human holds and carries with them, is absolutely wonderful. Fantastic!
"Another and another,
poked full of holes;
each a disappointment
for I never found a "soul"."
This section is stunning; you can really see the murderer growing more and more desperate as they stab, but never finding the results they want to see- or maybe don't want to see.
"A novelist, a poet,
a philosopher and a saint;
all will claim love and souls
to be the strongest things.
Frail romantic notions;
dreams of beauty within flesh."
O h goodness gracious. This is haunting and absolutely beautiful. It sounds mocking, as if the murderer scorns those who don't do their "research". Lovely.
"True, self-proven science;
no such beauty in crimson red."
aaaaaaa. AAAAAAAAAAA. LOVELY.
"Romance battles science,
but there really is no war.
For what power holds romance
when I pressed my blade and tore"
This is the perfect way to conclude such a poem. It's absolutely lovely, and it perfectly sums up the way the killer thinks and believes. This particular section is positively gorgeous.
Overall this poem was hauntingly chilling in the best way possible. It was fantastically written and perfectly paced, and you should DEFINITELY be proud.
Thank you so much!!
Hey @mordax! You have written a great poem, and here's a review for that. I hope this would be useful. :p
For a quick summary, this is a great poem and perhaps among some of the best poems I have read in a while in this website. So, here we go.
I like the rhythm of these lines and the quick procession of the poem, these lines set up the base of the poem right at the beginning without any hiccup, and that's cool.
Aye, the old romantic satire of reality, the burning beacon of human craving that deprives them of reality. A great summary of that.
This is a good one too, to cross out the previous four lines of romance. But, um, wouldn't it be better if you just do "will I find?" instead of "I will find?" ? It also sounds better, up to you though. :p
I love this packed horror contained within a single stanza, but, um, wouldn't be better to just put an "a" instead of "said" in the last line of this stanza? It sounds better. But, again, it's up to you. :p
I like how these four lines still hold on to that sense of horror of the previous stanza. And I also like the small hint of alliteration in the last two lines of this quote.
Aye, the perfect final stanza that completes it all. Speechless.
All in all, this poem was a perfect horror. And to be honest, you should include it in the horror category. But, again, like all those suggestions in this review, it's all up to you. Thanks for giving this to us. :p
Thank you very much! I agree 100% with your suggested wording changes.
You tried
Check mine out pls
Lol
Yes lol
But tell me what you think
Hi!! Versonix with a review for ya !!
AH, this poem was stunning. Truly one of the best I've read in a hot minute.
This is absolutely gorgeous, the wording is meticulous and truly shows your talent I think. The establishment of the story and the purpose in just so few words is amazing. Though this murderer has no name it feels as though they have so much life brought into them with this poem. The purpose they have with finding a soul I find so interesting, I think this really gives the imagination to the reader of a murderer wishing to find a soul they hear so much about.
Overall this poem was so entertaining to read, I went back and read it a few more times as well just cause of how beautiful it was paced and written.
This is a review, so I should probably add some critique but from what I see I don't have much I can share, as there isn't much to critique haha!! Though, I would like to add that I think the words are chosen really add to the beauty and the feelings of this murderer.
"dreams of beauty within the flesh."
is possibly one of my favorite lines, I think it pulls everything together in a beautiful 5 letter sentence.
I'm sorry I probably wasn't much help but I found this poem absolutely amazing.
Great work!!
Thank you very much!!!