w.k.d.

Hey lilith! What a perfect summer poem about love.

I really enjoyed that opening line, "I love you like late summer" - it's not immediately clear where that metaphor is going, but it sticks, and there's a lot of longing there.

This poem had a twinge of sadness in it, with the imagery that wasn't quite "happy" -- late summer (bittersweet, because it's ending), storms (could be metaphor for relationship turbulence) and "heart sinking" (which might mean being let-down).

One aspect that I like liked was actually that you could read some of the lines in two ways, "I love you like I also love the summer" or "My love for you is comparable to late summer - because something about you reminds me of late summer". I don't know if that makes sense, but I read it both ways. The "a" that you put in front of "storm" sort of takes out the option of double reading, so I'd maybe eliminate that.

Really your imagery throughout was very good, especially the one with the cherry - I'd love a few more details about the types of summer and storms you're talking about, just to give a bit more texture to those images (are we talking thunder storm, rain storm, snow storm etc).

I also think you have maybe one too many food metaphors. I wonder if you could switch one of those out for another summer imagery one, especially because mentioning both ice cream and milk shakes in the same poem, starts to make it more of a food poem than a love poem. Overall I really liked the language you used, and the punctuation/capitalization all seemed consistent and didn't detract from the message.

Well done! I hope to read more of your poetry soon.

~alliyah

Ooh this one progresses smoothly for the most part. That is what I liked the most. There is this flow, honestly these could be song lyrics (not pop though that's pretty repetitive) .

The theme is simple where you're associating all of the sensory inputs and experiences of very particular objects/actions with a person; not one of those headscratchers where you're looking for clues from line 4 so that line 7 makes sense etc.

There is one small grammatical error , though I might be wrong - it should be *lying barefoot in the grass.

The rest of the review will go line by line (if needed).
For me, the first line sets the scope and theme for the rest of the poem except for the last two lines, late summer and specific parts of that particular experience will be evoked in straight simile. Fruit, fruit,fruit drink, mild sun burn, more cold food, a reason for the mild sunburn, and then there's the dramatic move to "love you like a storm" , which though unexpected, wasn't unwelcome.

I have more issues with the "and laying barefoot in the grass." line. It feels contrived in parts. If you're lying down, barefoot makes not much sense. It doesn't matter how a tiny portion of your feet is in contact with the grass when the whole of the body is down prone. If it had been " walking barefoot in the grass" or "standing barefoot..." it would've made much more sense.

After that there's the conclusion, the after echo, the epilogue. The last two lines. Not a big fan. might just be me but too much food. Is that all there is to the summer experience? This gives a superficial feel to the love the narrator feels, like a light passing fling. Doesn't fit in the supposed passion of the " I love you like a storm." That line is set up very well, like an " OH SNAP!" but fades away very quickly.
I also wanted a little more with the " storm" part. Late summer brings expectations of rain and thunderstorm, atleast in my part of the world. There is this anticipation, the air feels charged. But then there is the storm. That whole part was dealt with too quickly, in my opinion.

Still, the imagery is good, it manages to do what it should have for the most part without cringe. Keep writing.

(If w.k.d. refers to the vodka and this whole poem was a cocktail recipe then kudos really. You pulled a fast one on the readers. )

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about the many ways that the speaker loves a special someone. I like poems that employ imagery and your does provide plenty. This is good because it clearly separates poetry from prose. I also like positive poems and this one about love is indeed positive. Much too often one encounters too many poems dedicated to whining about life and even suicide and that can tend to be depressing. So it definitely is refreshing to read things that bring a smile to ones face and a twinkle to ones tired eyes.

I do agree that the things mentioned such as ice-cream, iced lemonade, cherries, strawberries and watermelon, the sight of freckles, like the emotion she feels during a late summer night, and like she loves the sensation of lying barefoot in the grass can indeed be very pleasurable.

It is easy to imagine someone deriving so much pleasure from these that comparing them to a love for someone seems convincing evidence of that love.

I personally love freckles on certain female faces, especially if they are natural red-heads withe a slightly ruddy complexion an plump faces, enjoy a cold drink of lemonade on a sweltering summer day or night, love ice cream and strawberry smoothies, and sunshine can be very pleasurable.

Not too keen on feet in the grass and on hot summer nights or days when the sun beats down mercilessly though. Also a bit leery of storm-like emotional expressions. But I can understand how each individual reacts to these and can definitely appreciate the intended meaning from the writer’s perspective.

Please note that when choosing such examples one has to be careful that they are not inherently trite or don’t carry the intended force. Please note that love for this person is being compared to intense pleasures of the senses. So the idea might be conveyed that this love is merely based on how much pleaser the speaker derives from it. In other words, Ï feel real good next to you so I love you!” is the message that I understood from the poem.

Of course there is nothing essentially wrong in loving someone because being with that person makes us feel good. But then the question arises as to how such a declared love will fare when being with the person begins to feel bad. You know, similar to when one steps on glass with bare feet or one drinks steaming hot orange juice on a sweltering summer day, or when one accidentally bites into a rotten watermelon. Then where will such vaunted love go is the question and was it true love?

All in all a very fascinating read.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.