Take a look around and see the truth inside my eyes
The beauty of the mind got you speechless, paralyzed
Surfing through the clouds, I'm not smoking but I'm high
Off of life, it's the strife that I plan to survive
-
What is wrong and right? Who's to say that I
Cannot pass over the gates and printed fine lines
Of this fake reality that keeps me trapped inside
It's a matrix world, coding out what seems to lie
-
Deep within the depths man, I'll be damned if I can't find
A means of an escape to make it back to better times
Back when everybody had the voice and had the drive
To enjoy the simple pleasures nature could provide
-
Now it's all a lie, I could barely cry
Just the thought that we may not make it all out alive
They just want the guns, I'm wondering why
We can't live in peace unless the first bullet strikes
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It's a hard knock life, so that I was told
This is my sanctuary, they're killing my home
Fighting for a throne, they're all replicas, drones
This is why I'd rather chill and hang here on my own
-
This is why we're living in a world that seems so cold
Pride is just a figment, it's a segment of the bold
Ignorance that people have no shame to unfold
How can we cry wolf if it is pain we caused our own?
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Makes me wonder if there is a change left in the making
There's families breaking cause the money got them shaking
Can't afford a living so they're forced to learn the trade in
Theft, murder, greed watch them breed while they're taking
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Back what should be free, but this only had scratched the pavement
Lets dig even deeper, find the reason for the hating
You wanna know the reason why we're stuck on separation?
It's cause if they shared the power, they'd be vulnerable, lets face it
-
We're divided powers, we devour every taking
Moment, we don't own up to our part in our mistaking
Life to be a dog eat dog world, we're all related
Come brothers and sisters, tell me how we'll heal the breaking
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, I’m Thundahguy. I’m not an avid listener of rap, but I’ll do my best to review this.
Overall, I really like this. The rhyming is nice and the deeper meaning behind these words is appreciated. The first part seems a bit out of place, but the rest is tight and concise with its wording and meaning, with the last part doing a good job of wrapping it up all together very nicely. Just like Legacy had said before, I’d like to hear this rapped with a beat.
I guess the only problem I have with it is just syllable counting. Again, I’m not an avid listener of rap music, but don’t the syllables in each line have to match a certain pattern in order to align with the beat. The way you wrote it seems to jump between 10-13 syllables, but it’s not very consistent. Again, I’m not an expert in music, so I’m probably talking out of my butt here.
Again, this is really good, if a bit short. I’d give it a ⅘. Go and record this, I’m sure it’ll be a hit.
bad-freaking-ass, my man.
This is a very beautiful and unique poem. And yes it's VERY deep. I really enjoyed reading it.
Keep up the wonderful work!!
And...WELCOME TO YWS! Hope you have a great time here!
Thank you so much. I%u2019m glad you enjoyed the read
No problem! It is great! The poem, I mean.
Legacy here for a review.
First of all, this is really f***ing deep. (Sorry I never cuss on this site in reviews but this one deserves it.) Okay now that it's settled.
You talk about some really great points and the last line is such a punch and brings everything together as it should. I would love to hear this rapped with a beat underneath.
I do realize this is a rap and as such it doesn't need to look aesthetic on paper/screen, but the thing is, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T STAND IT. This would be so beautiful rapped under a beat JUST GET TO IT DANG THIS WOULD BE SO POPULAR ON THE RADIO. (Sorry for the outbursts, I just love this so much).
Sorry I couldn't say anything constructive except for rap it under a beat already, but that's all I got. Legacy out.
I have been working with beats. I just never record what I write lol But I am very glad you enjoyed it. And no worries on the cuss, no harm no foul. Thank you