Deep Thinking

by leleparadise

Published February 8, 2018

E - Everyone

In Poems and Writing Works

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Take a look around and see the truth inside my eyes

The beauty of the mind got you speechless, paralyzed

Surfing through the clouds, I'm not smoking but I'm high

Off of life, it's the strife that I plan to survive

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What is wrong and right? Who's to say that I

Cannot pass over the gates and printed fine lines

Of this fake reality that keeps me trapped inside

It's a matrix world, coding out what seems to lie

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Deep within the depths man, I'll be damned if I can't find

A means of an escape to make it back to better times

Back when everybody had the voice and had the drive

To enjoy the simple pleasures nature could provide

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Now it's all a lie, I could barely cry

Just the thought that we may not make it all out alive

They just want the guns, I'm wondering why

We can't live in peace unless the first bullet strikes

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It's a hard knock life, so that I was told

This is my sanctuary, they're killing my home

Fighting for a throne, they're all replicas, drones

This is why I'd rather chill and hang here on my own

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This is why we're living in a world that seems so cold

Pride is just a figment, it's a segment of the bold

Ignorance that people have no shame to unfold

How can we cry wolf if it is pain we caused our own?

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Makes me wonder if there is a change left in the making

There's families breaking cause the money got them shaking

Can't afford a living so they're forced to learn the trade in

Theft, murder, greed watch them breed while they're taking

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Back what should be free, but this only had scratched the pavement

Lets dig even deeper, find the reason for the hating

You wanna know the reason why we're stuck on separation?

It's cause if they shared the power, they'd be vulnerable, lets face it

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We're divided powers, we devour every taking

Moment, we don't own up to our part in our mistaking

Life to be a dog eat dog world, we're all related

Come brothers and sisters, tell me how we'll heal the breaking

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
deleted221222
Review
deleted221222 wrote a review Review · Feb 25, 2018

Hello, I’m Thundahguy. I’m not an avid listener of rap, but I’ll do my best to review this.

Overall, I really like this. The rhyming is nice and the deeper meaning behind these words is appreciated. The first part seems a bit out of place, but the rest is tight and concise with its wording and meaning, with the last part doing a good job of wrapping it up all together very nicely. Just like Legacy had said before, I’d like to hear this rapped with a beat.

I guess the only problem I have with it is just syllable counting. Again, I’m not an avid listener of rap music, but don’t the syllables in each line have to match a certain pattern in order to align with the beat. The way you wrote it seems to jump between 10-13 syllables, but it’s not very consistent. Again, I’m not an expert in music, so I’m probably talking out of my butt here.

Again, this is really good, if a bit short. I’d give it a ⅘. Go and record this, I’m sure it’ll be a hit.

User avatar
amelie
Comment
amelie commented Comment · Feb 9, 2018

bad-freaking-ass, my man.

User avatar
emma1045 Comment
emma1045 commented Comment · Feb 8, 2018

This is a very beautiful and unique poem. And yes it's VERY deep. I really enjoyed reading it.
Keep up the wonderful work!!

And...WELCOME TO YWS! Hope you have a great time here!

Thank you so much. I%u2019m glad you enjoyed the read :)

No problem! It is great! The poem, I mean.

User avatar
Thisislegacy
Review
Thisislegacy wrote a review Review · Feb 8, 2018

Legacy here for a review.

First of all, this is really f***ing deep. (Sorry I never cuss on this site in reviews but this one deserves it.) Okay now that it's settled.

You talk about some really great points and the last line is such a punch and brings everything together as it should. I would love to hear this rapped with a beat underneath.

I do realize this is a rap and as such it doesn't need to look aesthetic on paper/screen, but the thing is, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T STAND IT. This would be so beautiful rapped under a beat JUST GET TO IT DANG THIS WOULD BE SO POPULAR ON THE RADIO. (Sorry for the outbursts, I just love this so much).

Sorry I couldn't say anything constructive except for rap it under a beat already, but that's all I got. Legacy out.

I have been working with beats. I just never record what I write lol But I am very glad you enjoyed it. And no worries on the cuss, no harm no foul. Thank you :)



I was promis'd on a time, To have a reason for my rhyme: From that time unto this season, I receiv'd nor rhyme nor reason.
— Edmund Spenser