My nerves have gone on vacation
From how much stress I’ve packed onto them
My bones have traveled countries
From how far I’ve stretched them to find the good in others
My eyes have swam oceans
From how long I tried to see connections through to the end
My mind stays indoors
Unable to afford a break from the thoughts that live rent free with it
My spirit stays inside
Caged by a body too scared to watch another part roam too far
Unable to remember its way back home
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139,889 Literary Works • 672,720 Reviews
Loved your poem.
Drop rent free, it's common to use it, but don't use it here because it's not strong language.
Rent free doesn't feel missed or longing for me or angry as I think it could be.
Try something else.
Cool poem I love the word play used throughout that justifies the title "Around the World". You use word play and figurative language very well in this to show how you as a being, use physical aspects of your being to describe yourself, your feelings and actions. This put an interesting image into the readers heads. The wording also keeps it from being too heavy, deep, or dark, making it a easy to digest read but still getting the feelings and points through.
My favorite lines are: "My bones have traveled countries
From how far I’ve stretched them to find the good in others"
and:
"My mind stays indoors
Unable to afford a break from the thoughts that live rent free with it".
Hi, leleparadise, Pineapple here for a little review!
I really liked this poem. It was very realistic and I'm sure a bunch of us readers can relate to it. You perfectly illustrated stress and how nerves can go sky-rocketing when an individual gets anxious.
You wrote how a person can almost shut down and feel out of control. You also showed how someone can depend on another person and think they're great but be turned on in the same moment. Especially in this sentence, "my bones have traveled countries/ From how far I've stretched them to the good in others." I think there was a little typo there but aside from that, I understood the message.
This was a great piece and I hope you keep writing more!
Signed,
Pineapple
I like this poem.It’s relatable.For one thing,I relate to the poem,because I feel like I’ve lost some of my myself.With each passing day and more things to do,you lose sight of what’s important in life.I relate to the last line,I’ve felt like some of me is lost.I hope you have a nice day/night.