I'm sad but I'm good in math
But math won't keep me glad
Like garbage bags, my mind is trashed
I'm soaked up rags, but don't feel bad
-
This life's a scam, I'm cooked like spam
My tales are life quotes from cinemax
But even I still can't face the fact
That the screen and this world don't match
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Where's the axis for my access
To my future and why it's absent
The only time my slope's the flattest
My heart is silent, my breath has vanished
-
My pain is the denominator
Time is over it, cause it savors
For every fraction of my infractions
To all the people that I've subtracted
-
I need a ruler to measure patience
I need a protractor for my anger
So I can angle perspectives clearer
Cause pain don't add up on calculators
-
Since the limit does not exist
There is no limit to what life gives
And there's no way I can weigh out sense
Cause it was lost since fetus tense
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139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hey leleparadise,
Shady here with a review for you! First of all, I wanted to mention that the title of this poem is what drew me to it. I don't typically think of math as being particularly related to poetry, so it's interesting to me that you combined the two.
This is interesting imagery. I like it!
Okay, so I admit I'm not particularly fantastic at poetry. So if anyone else reviews this and disagrees with me, feel free to disregard this comment. But personally, I feel like your rhymes are too forced. Scam, spam, ehhh. It doesn't feel natural. It feels like you were grappling to find something rhyming. Not loving it.
I really liked this stanza! The first few stanzas left me wondering what this poem had to do with math. This is the one that really tied the math theme into your poem, and I think it is very beautiful. This one feels natural and flows nicely, and I like the way you used math terminology in another context... "To all the people I've subtracted" was my favorite.
Overall, this was a good poem. I enjoyed it. I just suggest you find a way to soften the rhymes a bit. I feel like the rhyming is supposed to make the poem flow nicely, not draw attention to itself -- and right now, it is most definitely drawing attention to itself. Otherwise, great job!
Keep writing!
~Shady
Where's the axis for my access
To my future and why it's absent
The only time my slope's the flattest
My heart is silent, my breath has vanished
-
My pain is the denominator
Time is over it, cause it savors
For every fraction of my infractions
To all the people that I've subtracted.
I love these two paragraphs because the caught my attention. I loved them all though, I love the poem as one!! Get job!!!
Just a side note, I wrote this three years ago so forgive me for the dark tone.