My forehead wrinkled
mirroring the confusion I felt inside.
I mean,
I just couldn't understand how
that girl staring back at me
could be... me!
Yeah I knew my eyes were brown,
my hair black as well as my eyebrows.
I knew the shape of my face
and its attributes.
What I could not decipher however
was just..me!
I mean when you put all these features together
then stare in the mirror,
there's something different.
Something more.
Or maybe something less?
I thought of the times
that my friends had complimented me.
"Oh I love your smile!"
They gushed.
"That dimple is soooooooo cute!"
"If you were a guy, I'd totally dig!"
Their giggles ensued.
But now here,
in the confides of my room,
of my sanctuary,
I mull pver these words.
I search them for any trace of sarcasm,
irony or euphemism.
It wasn't that I thought myself ugly
or unlovable.
It wasn't anything more than what I saw
or maybe failed to see.
I tried to smile at me,
but quickly stopped.
It was this crooked,
very much unperfect smile
that they mused as contagious?
Funny,
I didn't imagine I looked that way when I smiled-
or any way for that matter.
I was just happy when I am happy
and sad when I'm sad,
or simply sloppy.
Could it be time for a rain check?
Maybe.
But then
I covered the mirror and thought,
"What the heck!"
Hey, I really loved this poem! I know that I have definitely felt that way a few times when I looked in the mirror and I think that most people have done something like that at least once during their lives. I honestly do not have many things that I could find that would make this poem any better. I found one spelling mistake on the fourth line of the second stanza, you wrote pver, I'm guessing that you meant over. (I always do things like that when I'm typing!) Other then that, I guess I'll just point out the things I loved about it! This might take a while considering that I loved absolutely everything!
Well, I'm not going to say everything that I loved because that might be longer than the poem itself, but I really loved how you quote what the friends say. It made the poem seem more realistic. This really seems like something that my friends would say and I question these remarks a lot when I am alone. I also love in the end how you have what the heck said out-loud and in italics. I can just picture someone looking in their mirror and then just shouting that. I know that I've had that experience myself and I think that the way you wrote it expresses that perfectly.
So, as you can tell I loved this poem! Great job and keep on writing!
I'm sure this poem outlines the way we all think when we look in the mirror. It's a very contemplative poem - nice work!
Hi there! Here to review
Italic the dialogue!
This was a nice little poem! I enjoyed reading it, and understood where the narrator was coming from. You showed the insecurities of a teenage girl very well.
But, I think this poem would be more dynamic if it was in present tense, not past. I feel like the poem WANTED to be in present tense, but it didn't quite making it. You might want to try writing it in present tense just to see what it looks like.
And... I think that's it!
Drop me a line if you have any questions!
~Drama
Yeah, as I wrote I felt the tenses battling! I guess I'm so used to past tense I decided to strangle the poetic voice.