Gullible

SirTobes

Review

SirTobes wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 9:58 am

Hey.
Great piece.
Great word use and description and grammar and spelling and emotion and argh!
So good.
There isn't anything 'missing' from this poem.
It's great and you did a good job presenting it.
I liked all of it and there's not really anything work on. Great poem, I really loved reading this.
My favourite part was this:

My weakness for affection,
For soft eyes,
Was strength for your deception;
For beautiful lies.

I really loved it.
Great job.
Sir's Review Rating: 9/10
Great piece!

Nargles

Review

Nargles wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:43 am

Ok not a bad piece but it is lacking in well something.
It is filled with emotion and I connect to you in some way.

The first stanza for me is the weakest part and that is bad as you want to start of your poem in style and really draw the reader in.

My favourite stanza is

I would not be fair or innocent
If I didnt concede,
That being gullible, and willingly so,
Gave you the strength.

For me it sums up what the whole poem is about.

I like how you don't feel as if you need to be tied down with any rhyme or rhythm and it works well.

Just be careful on over using commas and grammar. I know that it is important but you don't want to always be putting in full stops if it doesn't need it as it can stop the flow of a poem.

Great job though despite all my little nitpicks you have really done a fantastic job!

Nargles xx

Nook

Review

Nook wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:09 am

This was really good! The emotions just flowed out like...crazy!

Even though rhyme scheme is practically non-existent, this didn't need it. At all.

P.S Not being sarcastic. At all.

Nyl

Review

Nyl wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:39 am

'lo Kimmi

The piece is great. Written from the heart and I can connect to you. The emotions are well-portrayed, what I'm trying to say is---the emotions in this piece turned out to be a great character. Well done.