What have you done
to my beautiful world?
What has happened
to the rising sun?
Why have you crushed
my beautiful dream?
What has happened
to the sparkling streams?
Where are all the stars
that shone so bright?
Why do I only see
destruction tonight?
What has become
of this world,my dear?
Why is it changing so much
day by day,year by year?
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,594 Reviews
This poem intrigued me. I like how every line consists of a question. More specifically, I like that the questions are never answered. It just consists of hypothetical questions. It almost seems like a lecture to me, like a mom scolding her children. i don't know, that's just how it came off. I feel as if the last stanza is disrupting the flow. The last two lines of:
Maybe if you took out the "day by day" it would sound better? It ran off smoothly until i came to this last line and then it sort of just didn't sound as wonderful as the rest of the poem.
Other than that, it is a great poem.
-dianne
Ok, this was the only stanza where the first line rhymes with the last. My advice would be to pick a rhyming scheme and be consistent throughout, because I didn't see the rhyme until it hit me in the face in the second stanza.
Besides that, I really enjoyed this. It reminds me of a U2 song... one that I can't remember the title of for the life of me. It was short, sweet, vivid and utterly to the point. I didn't feel like the poem sacrificed itself for the sake of your rhyme-scheme either.
keep rhyming,
xooxx
The Universe
Well, I don't have a problem with it being questions. I know that isn't typical of a poem, but I thought that it still had a good flow, which I think is the most important aspect.
You first blame someone, "What have you done?" But, none of the other lines hint that it is necessarily someone's fault. Certainly, destruction could be, and usually is, caused by humans, but it seems to less of a blame.
I thought it was fairly good. But the puncuation kind of distracted me. A poem full of questions is never a great idea. It is ok to have a question IN a poem, but an entire poem of questions... I don't know. I guess I just didn't enjoy it that much. But keep working at it!