age gap

Time for a Black Cat Review!!

MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

This was so beautiful, Herb! I love your use of starting with numbers to show the age gap. In my interpretation, this poem follows the ages of you and a friend.

We start with ages 3 and 6, where the writer (who I interpret as being you) sees this friend as someone who they look up to and adore.

and i admired you

always the hero in my story

the next section is about ages 5 and 8. It seems that the writer and this friend had another friend, the daughter of their parent's other friend. The friend who we have been following is the same age as this other girl. The friend is fighting for the writer's attention.

you always fought

for my attention

with our parent's other friend's daughter

The next part is ages 7 and 10. We see that there is still contention and a fight for attention between these friends.

"[herb], who do you want to play with?"

In the section with ages 9 and 12, we start to see a drift. Just as these people are growing older, they are spending less time together, it seems.

we haven't seen eachother

in quite a while

aside from the 4th of july

The last section, ages 11/15 was so touching. It actually really inspired me, Herb. In this section, it seems that the friend sent some sort of video. I am not sure what the specifics of this are, but it seems that you, the writer, could see the friend sobbing a lot.

i heard the news through your sobs

he was dead, punctured in the chest

the dear friend of my father

This is really powerful writing. It really makes me feel a lot of feels. Describing being able to ear the news through their sobs really got me. Overall, fantastic work!

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

You may want to take a look at this sentence:

we haven't seen eachother

Maybe it should be "each other" instead.

And this one too:

fireworks, friends, fourwheelers

Maybe fourwheelers should be four wheelers or four-wheelers?


Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I praise your use of using questions in poetry. I comment of this frequently, but I find that it makes it a lot more engaging. In this case, it helps me connect to the mood a lot more. I can really tell how you, the writer, are reliving these memories.

isn't she the same age as you?

And you do this again in the next section! Awesome.

I LOVE THIS SENTENCE:

fireworks and friends

and four wheelers

fireworks, friends, fourwheelers, OH MY! That flows so well, Herbie! Amazing writing.


Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Rest in peace, A <33 This was a lovely tribute, Herbie!! Always love your writing. Hope to read more soon!

Spoiler

You're a cool bean. A very cool beantato.

Sincerely, your friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!

Hello, fellow author! I saw this poem on the Literary Spotlight, but it has no reviews! Fear not, I'll provide one. (Hopefully, it's helpful and encouraging!)

I love the concept of using the age gap as breaks in the stanzas to show a story. It shows us more about your friendship with this person and gives more meaning to the story.
Showing the readers your relationship with this person as you grow up makes this poem feel light and happy at first. The readers think it'll be like any other friendship, especially in the fourth stanza when you mentioned that you hadn't seen each other in a while. This makes the friendship feel authentic, as I know from experience that we can sometimes feel out of touch with family friends. So, when the readers read the last stanza, it is an absolute shock to us, encapsulating how I assumed you felt. Beautifully executed.

Some of my favorite lines:

" and i admired you

always the hero in my story "

This is such a perfect metaphor to admiration! When you look up to someone, it feels that they can do no wrong. It's also an excellent prelude into the third stanza when you say,

"i looked up to both of you"

One place that broke the flow of the writing a little bit was this line:

" with our parent's other friend's daughter "

At least for me, it was a little difficult to read, as it's a bit of a mouthful. However, it's hard to find different wording to show your relationship with this person. This line doesn't take away from the poem as a whole, but I thought it was worth mentioning since this is a review.

As a fellow poet, I always like to think there's a reason poets choose how to capitalize their poems. And in this poem, I feel like it has a reference to being so young. You and this person were very young when it all happened, and it all probably felt way too fast and soon. This may also be why you chose to use little punctuation. Although, it could honestly just be the way you write poetry. I'm curious to know!

Overall, I think this is a beautiful piece, as well as a lovely dedication to your friend's father. You used many successful literary devices and unique structures to convey your message. I loved reading your poem, and I hope you and your friend are doing well!

Keep writing! -Avian