Young Writers Society

Heya galaxygem!

I'm reviewing after a very long time so please excuse me for sloppiness. Just trying to exercise my reviewing muscles. I'll try to be as helpful as possible though! Alrighty, let's dig right in~

This is a cute prologue! I thought of the song Little Miss Perfect because, like, the first line sort of is "straight a's." Anyway! Thought I'd point it out because connections are great like that lol. So we have two people introduced, Crystal and Rose. The leader and the rebel. Oooh, I like this! I wonder where you'll take this story. Also ah Jaguar Peak sounds so cool~

Now, first of all, when we start a prologue, it tends to be more of a prelude than a description of the main character. But you do you!! Not complaining, just pointing it out. If we are starting out with getting to know the main character, then info-dumping - which sort of has been done in this cute little prologue - wouldn't be the way to go here.

This is just an example, but something else that could have been done here, liiiiike, lemme think of an example xD You could write a scene where Rose (beautiful name, interesting personality ) was outside somewhere, wherever she likes to be, and she's in her thoughts, something like that, and you could mention that this specific place (ocean for example) was her favorite place to be, and she felt totally at ease here. Something like that, y'know? I'm sure you could come up with something was better though, so you ignore that example if you want. xP

Well, that's it for my review - nothing much else to say! Hope it helped in some sort of way. Lemme know if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you! Wonderful work

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

Hello galaxygem, here to review! I see this is for school, so I'm guessing a project or assignment for English..? But I will say that's awesome that you wanted to share what you have so far here. I, on the other hand, seem very reluctant. But I won't take too much time out of your day, so let's get on with this. This is pretty short after all and seems to be the first part of chapter one, so I don't need to write a whole essay.
Without further ado, I'll get started.
I always start with grammar, but since this is pretty short, it defends itself against common errors. I don't see any, so good job! On to the next phase...
So overall, I feel this has great potential for something beyond two chapters for the teacher to reduce to a two-digit grade, if that is what this is. It has some common features of a middle school story, but there is plenty of variety in middle school for this not to become cliche.
There is some unnecessary information, however.

She was 5'4, and hung out with the popular squad...

Rose was 5'6, and had wavy short hair that had been dyed purple and blue and seemed to droop as she walked.

She was 5'4, and hung out with the popular squad, or as everyone called them, the Jaguar Peak.