Connection - 4 • Young Writers Society

Connection - 4

~1047

After a while, Kerra, Shandi, and all the gang members had settled in for a cozy night of conversation. Kerra liked having them all over and tried to invite them frequently. Lately, however, the gang had been very busy working on something, and hadn’t had the time to visit. Their project was top secret, and they’d refused to tell Kerra anything about it, even though they usually told her everything.

Kerra felt like an honorary member of the gang. She had even joked about it once, but Angelface had shaken her head and said, “These people are like my family, but I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t need the money. Count yourself lucky.”

The money. That was another part of her sister’s life that Kerra didn’t like to think about. Shandi could have had the same job Kerra did. They could have shared an apartment, or Shandi could have kept living with their mother. Shandi didn’t really need the money like Angelface did.

Maybe she’d joined the gang for the excitement, maybe it was to be different, or maybe it was just to give their mother a heart attack. Maybe all three. Kerra didn’t know the real reason, but Shandi had told her it was because the gang members were the best friends she’d ever made. Maybe that was true too.

Regardless of her reasonings, being in the gang meant that Shandi was a criminal. Everyone tried to avoid telling Kerra what crimes they were doing exactly, but Kerra had some guesses. The crime rate was fairly low for a city of around 100 million humans, but even a low crime rate didn’t mean Abyssia was spotless. Occasionally, Kerra would read about a theft or break-in, and the camera footage or witness’s description would seem very familiar to Kerra.

Worst of all was the time that one of the Councilors of Abyssia had been murdered. They had found a couple fingerprints at the crime scene, and the next time Kerra saw the gang, Angelface was sporting a delicate new cybernetic hand. Kerra had never asked anything about it.

But now, Angelface was having a languid conversation with The Grin, and No Name was listening in, their eyes dark and intense. Numbers and Blast Boy were playing some kind of holograph game that involved exploding vehicles. Every few minutes, Blast Boy would let out a high-pitched screech and Numbers would give a low chuckle.

Shandi and Kerra had been left to themselves, and Kerra was saying, “You know, you really should say hi to Mom sometime. She asks about you every time I go, and I don’t know what to tell her.”

Shandi snorted. “Tell her I don’t care what she thinks. She can go die for all I care.” She was lying on the green couch, leaning with one elbow on the arm of the couch. She had one knee propped up against the back, and the other leg dangled off the side of the couch. Her bare foot swung back and forth across Kerra’s carpet.

“I am not going to tell her that. Shandi…”

She turned her head away. “If she cares that much, she has a funny way of showing it.”

“A funny way of showing it? Shandi, you haven’t seen her in years! I can assure you that she cares an awful lot. If you would just—”

“No!” Shandi growled. “No. She cared about you with all your skin dripping off, and she cared about little miss too-perfect-for-this-world, but she never cared about me. She had her chance. Now I’m done with her.”

“Alright, alright,” said Kerra. Her mind raced for a change in subject. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get into the greenhouses down in the Heats, would you?”

Shandi met Kerra’s eyes and, upon seeing her earnest expression, cracked a grin. “Oh, those old shacks? Of course I do,” she said nonchalantly. “But what would a do-gooder like you want down there?”

Kerra shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just always wanted to see it. Breathe all the oxygen right from the source.”

Shandi gave Kerra a calculating look. “You do know that the vast majority of the oxygen comes from the algae plants, not the greenhouses?”

Kerra waved her hand. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m interested in the greenhouses with real plants, not trays full of slime.”

“Oh good,” Shandi said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I would likely have refused to take you to the algae plants, if that’s what you’d actually wanted. I also would have called your taste into serious question.”

Kerra laughed. “I think you would have had a right to.”

“So… should we go now?” Shandi abruptly stood up. Numbers looked up from his holograph game.

“Now?” Kerra asked, surprised. She glanced around at the other gang members. No Name had noticed Shandi standing as well. “I didn’t think… I mean… Now?”

“Look, do you want to go or not?” Shandi bounced on the balls of her bare feet and stretched the arm she’d been leaning on.

“I… No! I mean… maybe, but I—”

“Kerra.”

“Yes,” Kerra whined. “But I don’t know… I haven’t done anything like this before and this is so sudden!”

Shandi started putting on her shoes. “Are you going to sit in your apartment all day and be a slave to the government for the rest of your life, or are you going to live a little?”

Kerra sighed. “But what if I get in trouble?”

“It’s not like they’re gonna fire you! They don’t have anyone else who can do the things you do for them. You’re irreplaceable.” Shandi gave her a wide smile.

“What about you?”

“They know I won’t sell myself to them. No offense, Kerra.”

Now Angelface and the Grin had noticed Shandi prepping to go. “We going somewhere?” The Grin asked.

“If Cowardly Kerra here has made up her mind yet, we’re going to the greenhouses.”

“Why?” Blast Boy demanded.

“Just a little sight-seeing,” Shandi said. “Kerra’s always wanted to go, and I’ve always wanted her to do something even slightly illegal.”

Angelface’s eyes glowed. “Can we look at the flower house? I hear it’s surreal.”

“My dear Angel,” said Shandi with a manic grin, “we will see everything lovely tonight.”

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Fri Jul 17, 2020 1:08 pm

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KateHardy wrote a review...

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And more reviews incoming.

First Impression: Oh looks like the sisters are getting together for some mischief. And pretty quickly too. And looks like we have quite the interesting backstory to look into from Shandi and her mom. Looking forward to when we get to know about that.

Anyway let's get to it,

After a while, Kerra, Shandi, and all the gang members had settled in for a cozy night of conversation. Kerra liked having them all over and tried to invite them frequently. Lately, however, the gang had been very busy working on something, and hadn’t had the time to visit. Their project was top secret, and they’d refused to tell Kerra anything about it, even though they usually told her everything.

Well....that sounds very interesting indeed.

Maybe she’d joined the gang for the excitement, maybe it was to be different, or maybe it was just to give their mother a heart attack. Maybe all three. Kerra didn’t know the real reason, but Shandi had told her it was because the gang members were the best friends she’d ever made. Maybe that was true too.

My vote is for all of the above.

Worst of all was the time that one of the Councilors of Abyssia had been murdered. They had found a couple fingerprints at the crime scene, and the next time Kerra saw the gang, Angelface was sporting a delicate new cybernetic hand. Kerra had never asked anything about it.

Ouch....that's a lot of work to cover up fingerprints. I mean they can simply just be burned off.

Shandi snorted. “Tell her I don’t care what she thinks. She can go die for all I care.” She was lying on the green couch, leaning with one elbow on the arm of the couch. She had one knee propped up against the back, and the other leg dangled off the side of the couch. Her bare foot swung back and forth across Kerra’s carpet.

That's some very strong emotion right there.

Shandi gave Kerra a calculating look. “You do know that the vast majority of the oxygen comes from the algae plants, not the greenhouses?”

Subtle exposition. Now that is what we need to see. This is the way to go about doing worldbuilding without resorting to unholy info dumps.

“Just a little sight-seeing,” Shandi said. “Kerra’s always wanted to go, and I’ve always wanted her to do something even slightly illegal.”

Angelface’s eyes glowed. “Can we look at the flower house? I hear it’s surreal.”

“My dear Angel,” said Shandi with a manic grin, “we will see everything lovely tonight.”

That sounds like a really good place to end on right there.

Aaand that's it for this one.

Overall: This was quite an interesting chapter. We got a lot of backstory...done pretty smoothly...that raises quite a few interesting questions. We are getting a really good sense of especially Shandi's personality and so far we're going a bit of an expedition. Not sensing an overall arc quite yet.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:47 am

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Shady wrote a review...

Fort-a-roo!

Shady back with another review for you this fine evening. Will she keep going all night? Will she pass out just as she hits submit on this one? N o O n e K n o w s ~ Let's get started!

She was lying on the green couch, leaning with one elbow on the arm of the couch. She had one knee propped up against the back, and the other leg dangled off the side of the couch.

Couch, couch, couch. You have a lot of repetition of the same word in these two sentences here. I honestly think you could get away with referring to it as the frog in one of these cases, if you phrased it just right. And then maybe on the last one I think you could juts leave it as "the other leg dangled off the side" seeing as we already know that she's lying on a couch.

“You do know that the vast majority of the oxygen comes from the algae plants, not the greenhouses?”

THANK YOU! Gah, it's so refreshing to read a novel by someone else who also understands science and doesn't think that trees alone are responsible for all of our oxygen. xD

I am, however, absolutely fascinated to know how they pull off photosynthesis underground. I mean obviously they probably have some sort of light system set up, but my inner science nerd really wants to know how that affects photosynthesis and the oxygen output.

~ ~ ~

Ooh! Mischief! Mayhem! It's what I live for xD

Seriously, though, I do like this chapter. It's clear that Shandi has a bit of a rebel spirit paired with an utter disregard for authority; whereas Kerra is much better at being a grown up, productive member of society haha. It kinda reminds me of my own sister and me -- with me being the goody-two-shoes that always gets dragged into trouble by my carefree sister.

But this was good. It shows some of the strain between Shandi and Ruth, and helps develop a bit of the bond between the sisters, and between the sisters and the gang. I like how ready they all are to jump on an impulse idea, just for the fun of it.

Your characters are just complete perfection, and I love them so much (and no, I'm never going to stop saying that, if you were wondering). I think that's all I've got for this chapter, though.

Keep writing!

~Shady

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Sun Sep 23, 2018 9:36 pm

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Tenyo wrote a review...

Part Four ->

Aw man, one of the councillors! I guess that means these guys aren't just a petty street gang. Getting your hand cut off to cover a crime is a pretty big deal. I have to wonder though, does that mean finger prints aren't common or that Angelface had simply never left fingerprints at any other crime? I feel like there needs to be more cultural explanation behind this to really appreciate what it means.

Shandi is kind of frightening. The others seem to have rather distinct personalities and motives of their own that all round together quite nicely, but with Shandi there's something a little offsetting. Not knowing her motivation for joining the group is a little bit suspicious, it makes her a bit of a red herring. More than that though is how casual she was about coming over in chapter two despite Kerra's clear devotion to her, and how quick she is to throw her little sister straight into danger, makes it hard to trust her because it's hard to tell what she's going to do next or where her allegiances lie.

The dynamic between these two is great. Kerra is almost adorable in her nativity, but I'm quite scared something bad is going to happen to her. I think this is the point where I'm starting to really feel invested in the plot and the characters involved, so I'm really enjoying reading it.

Part Five ->

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Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:45 pm

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Que wrote a review...

Hey fortis!

Finally, I'm helping you get some of these out of the green room.

After a while, Kerra, Shandi, and all the gang members had settled in for a cozy night of conversation. Kerra liked having them all over and tried to invite them frequently. Lately, however, the gang had been very busy working on something, and hadn’t had the time to visit. Their project was top secret, and they’d refused to tell Kerra anything about it, even though they usually told her everything.

FORESHADOWING
Hmm I wonder though if Kerra will get caught up in this accidentally...?

Regardless of her reasonings, being in the gang meant that Shandi was a criminal. Everyone tried to avoid telling Kerra what crimes they were doing exactly, but Kerra had some guesses. The crime rate was fairly low for a city of around 100 million humans, but even a low crime rate didn’t mean Abyssia was spotless. Occasionally, Kerra would read about a theft or break-in, and the camera footage or witness’s description would seem very familiar to Kerra.

I wish this sort of thing had come out a little earlier, like bits of it in the last chapter, perhaps. In chapter 3, it seemed as if they were friends, and even though they're part of a gang, it wasn't clear that they were literally doing illegal things at that time, even if it could be assumed. Maybe a thought like, "From the look of them, Kerra never would have thought them capable of committing crime"--well, that sounds terrible, but something along those lines. It just seems to come up a little bit suddenly at this point.

Also, there was that bit about dirt cheap housing--does that mean there are really high food expenses? Something like that which these people would need to join a gang and get money for?

“No. She cared about you with all your skin dripping off, and she cared about little miss too-perfect-for-this-world, but she never cared about me. She had her chance. Now I’m done with her.”

Ooh--might've misread something earlier, but I was sort of under the impression that all three of the sisters had had the same skin issue. It's interesting, though, that Shandi would feel a sort of skewed jealousy about it. Although, that seems like something that happened when they were very young, so it's a little odd that she's still bitter?

“Oh good,” Shandi said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I would likely have refused to take you to the algae plants, if that’s what you’d actually wanted. I also would have called your taste into serious question.”

Kerra laughed. “I think you would have had a right to.”

This seems like maybe the least sassy Shandi has been thus far. "I also would have called your taste into serious question" seems like it would have been followed up by something like, "but based on your house, I already have". I wonder if Shandi just has moments of kindness or if she was trying to turn away from the discussion of her mother in any way possible?

“My dear Angel,” said Shandi with a manic grin, “we will see everything lovely tonight.”

Wow, why does this feel sort of ominous?

We got a little bit of background between Shandi and Kerra, but I hope there's even more yet to come. Whenever things get a little heated, Kerra always rapidly steps back--which, honestly, is so relatable, but it means that she never pushes issues too much and isn't going to convince Shandi to do anything she doesn't want to. It's also interesting to see that their mother is still somewhat involved, but that she clearly lives on her own and only one of three daughters ever contacts her.

I'm interested to know what they'll find in the greenhouses. Have any of them seen trees before? Is there anything down there which would make it illegal to go and check them out? It seems as if they might see something that they aren't meant to see. Can't wait to find out!

-Q

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Fri Aug 17, 2018 2:09 am

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Lauren2010 wrote a review...

HERE I AM, BACK AGAIN

I'm so sorry for getting so far behind >.< but I am going to just FLY through these and get all caught up. Alright? Alright.

Man, I missed reading about Kerra and Shandi! I feel like their relationship (siblingship?) is really coming together. I like how easily we feel their differences, but at the same time how clear their similarities are. I love that Kerra keeps this gang of ruffians around yet keeps her nose clean and works for the government. It's a lovely juxtaposition that leaves you lots of room to bring in conflict.

Kerra felt like an honorary member of the gang.

Why isn't Kerra an *actual* member of the gang? Is Shandi keeping her out, or is she not interested in the more nefarious things they have going on? I don't think it's bad that she ISN'T in the gang but it might be useful for us to know why.

“Just a little sight-seeing,” Shandi said. “Kerra’s always wanted to go, and I’ve always wanted her to do something even slightly illegal.”

I'm very excited to go see the greenhouses, they sound beyond lovely. I can't help but suspect, though, that Kerra is up to something she's not telling us about (unless it's been so long since I've read and she HAS told us and I'm just DUMB). If she's got something up her sleeve, that is marvelous and I can't wait to find out! If not, this decision to go to the greenhouses does feel quite sudden. What might compel her to want to go to the greenhouses and take this risk?

Otherwise, a lovely chapter! I can't wait to read more and see what happens when they venture off to the greenhouses. And, lucky for me, I don't have to wait.

On to the next!

Thanks so much for sharing, and keep writing!

--Lauren

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Connection - 4

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