i feel so lonely
i feel like ive lost my way
i want to unclutter this head of mine
i want to find love
i want a lot of things
are they too much to ask?
i want a decent friend
i want decent classmates
i want to be social for once
but sometimes i want to be lonely
i don’t want decent friends
i don’t want to be social
i don’t want love
but this brain of mine feels like it was tossed and turned
fried and burnt
useless
because i feel useless
nothing is good enough for me
i’m selfish
i‘m annoying
i‘m attention-seeking
i‘m depressed
i’m trying...
i am
i really
really
really am.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
This is a beautiful poem! I really like how it's deeply emotional and conveys a variety of feelings to the reader. I can really see how conflicted the character in this poem is - between what they want and don't want. But, in the end, they express their true self with the line "I'm trying" really locking it in.
I actually like the writing style of this poem... like the way you wrote the word "i" and "i'm" because it sort of expands on how the person is feeling. It's as if they just need to get these words down to express themselves and doesn't care about mistakes. IDK if that made sense... but it also shows through the use of one word in certain lines.
Anyway, great job on the poem... I really loved reading it!
Hi fishsashimi!
Liberty500 here for a review!
First of all that is a very lovely and emotional poem! You have expressed yourself very properly! I love it! OK, onto the review:
1. You have to focus on capitalizing your letters
2. In the sentence: "i feel like ive lost my way" the "ive" needs to have an apostrophe in between "i" and "v"
3. Again, in the sentence: "i feel like ive lost my way" the "i" in "ive" is meant to be capitalized.
This is all that I found so...
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks!
The capitalization is just me styling my poem. I style a lot of my poems that way because it gets across a feeling of little emotion.
Oh, okay. Makes sense.
Hi Shikora here with a review.
Okay let's jump right into it.
I really like this poem and everything about it, I think you chose the perfect name for this work, it sure catches the eye. I thinks you have a nice little thing going here, and I can't wait to read more of your works.
But I am afraid to say there are things I saw that I would like to point out.
The first thing is that you don't have any capitol letters, and I'm sure you have a reason behind this, but it just seemed to be a little weird when I read it, but that was just my opinion.
The next thing is that you don't have any comas, it would make reading this a lot smoother is you put a few comas here and there.
Well that's it, I'm sorry if this wasn't very helpful, I don't normally review poems, but I really liked reading and reviewing this, I was very interesting, and I look forward to reading more from you. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
You friend
Shikora.
Thank you!
I stylize my poems that way to give it a sense of lack of emotion or emptyness.
Oh okay.
Hi there, fishashimi! My name is Scarlett, and I'll be reviewing your poetry today.
Hmm, lemme see what you have here...
Okay, firstly, you start off way too many lines with "i" and it's distracting. I would suggest you try to change that up a bit to make it a little more interesting. As it stands, that is a lot of repetition just looking over the poem. Reading it isn't that much better, to be honest.
Now for the nitpicking...
Firstly, punctuation on "ive" should be "i've". Secondly, you could take out the second "i feel" so that it reads more like;
"i feel so lonely,
like ive lost my way"
Makes it flow a lot better, doesn't it?
I'm not going to repeat myself in correcting things or offering suggestions as I'm sure you get the idea. The repeated use of "i feel" or "i want" or "i don't" just doesn't work for me, as a reader, and i'm sure it bugs other people as well. I suggest you find different ways to word a lot of this. There's so much potential, but it's hindered by the lack of vocabulary here.
I do like this last part;
This is an example of repetition that you should use. Or, at least, repetition that I like.
Although, overall, you could do with more vocabulary, to be honest. Mostly because there are so many more ways to say what you want to say other than being straightforward. Poetry is art; remember that. Art is sometimes abstract and obscure, or it's a bundle of words that paint a pretty picture. Use you imagination, because that's the best asset you can have when you're a writer. Go find long, obscure, pretty words to use instead of that boring old word that everyone else uses. And I don't think I have much more advice for you apart from what's already been said. Good luck with the poetry!
Keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scarlett.
Hi!!! Tinybookfarie here.
Weird thing is, This poem made me smile and I know it’s suppose to be more of a melancholy poem, but the way that you made this was very creative and that’s a good thing. I was really able to tell how you felt easily. In some poems I would have to try and reread what their heart meant, but this was very unique. I especaially loved the part where you admitted you were selfish, annoying, attention-seeking, depressed and really trying. This was really different and I guess this was the part that made me smile.
The only thing I would fix was capitalizing the beginning of your sentences. That’s pretty much about it.
Anyway, I hope you will find what you are searching for and besides, YWS is also a social website so i’m Sure you’ll find some friends. Good job and keep writing!
Hi!!! Tinybookfarie here.
Weird thing is, This poem made me smile and I know it’s suppose to be more of a melancholy poem, but the way that you made this was very creative and that’s a good thing. I was really able to tell how you felt easily. In some poems I would have to try and reread what their heart meant, but this was very unique. I especaially loved the part where you admitted you were selfish, annoying, attention-seeking, depressed and really trying. This was really different and I guess this was the part that made me smile.
The only thing I would fix was capitalizing the beginning of your sentences. That’s pretty much about it.
Anyway, I hope you will find what you are searching for and besides, YWS is also a social website so i’m Sure you’ll find some friends. Good job and keep writing!
thank you! the capitalization thing is more of a stylization thing. it may not be grammatically correct but it is very much my aesthetic lol
Got ya