The sound of a 3:02 bell rings
Running, dashing, yelling
Desperate to get home
Across the quad
I take the beaten path
That I’ve taken a hundred times before
Friends, foes
The people I know
I wave as I open the door
Finally, a place
I can discover myself
All over again
I stage I’ll remember
like a long lost friend
Script and pencil in hand
I shout
I speak
I sing
I cry
But it’s
all
just
acting
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
What I liked
I liked the word usage and of course I like the fact that its's about acting . . .or mentions it.
1. Flow & Style
Actually it flowed really nicely but I guess a few things didn't fit but that's just me you can ignore it. First of this line
Running, dashing, yelling
I guess that yelling doesn't seem to have a nice feel compared to the other words. However they are paralell and unless you can think of another word to fit besides that maybe you'll have to leave it. Secant of all this line
I stage I’ll remember
That I seems weird espcially sense you have I'll remember after it.
2. Grammar & Puctuation
Your grammer is roughly fine but onething I wonder when you say
Friends, foes
The people I know
I just feel that foes should have a comma after it unless it's needless
Just a thought.
Overall & Encouragment
Great job!
Keep on writing. This was a very unique poem. I love the stuff that's different from everything else
Thanks! That I was a typo :/
K-Konichiwa, @OniiChan!
i'm sorry i thought that was appropriate :'))And it's NaPo by the way, not NaPow. National Poetry Month or something like that.Let's get the nitpicky things out of the way first.
The quad? I don't quite understand what that is.
Were the lowercase letters intentional here?
Okay! Real part of the review. The real meaning of the poem starts unfolding after line four. Lines 1-4 just set up the entrance to theater class and reveal the raw, desperate tone of the speaker. Theater class it seems, only stays in theater. These emotions just aren't...Real in the outside world.
I really like this line because it unlocks the hidden truth that lots of people can relate to.
Great work, OniiChan! Keep writing!
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comments you deem unhelpful or rude. It wasn't intentional, sorry :v)
Ha! Loved that! A quad is like a courtyard, kinda. They have them at colleges, but my school has one.
You're welcome :')