Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
Be careful
words can harm you just as well,
Inside a person their soul swells.
Your words could easily become bullets piercing their hearts,
Be careful you don't know how their day has started.
Tears are the ricochet.
Relationships the sacrifice.
Bridges burned, images ruined, people die.
Be careful words can be bullets too.
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Hello! I'm here to leave another review. This is an interesting poem. Contrary to the popular yet incorrect saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", this poem demonstrates how words can be worse than sticks and stones. They can be lethal bullets.
As loveissourgrapes said, you could put a comma after the first line. Punctuation can subtly put an effect on your audience, putting them in suspense or emphasizing your finality. It's a small but powerful tool because it helps people get your point better. Also, maybee you can describe how the person's soul swells. Obviously it's swelling like crying tears stuff, but it would be nice to emphasize that.
This is quite true. We all must be careful with our words because they can do more damage than we intend them to, even if we don't intend it at all.
[quote] Bridges burned, images ruined, people die.
Be careful words can be bullets too. [quote]
Two grammatical errors here. One Is the comma before "words" and the other is a tense thing. "Burned" and "ruined" are in the past tense, but "die" is in the present tense. It would honestly make more impact if you said dead because there is nothing we can do about the dead, which warns us more to be careful with our words.
Overall, this is a great poem. It can be improved with some proper punctuation and grammar. Perhaps you can improve with the rhythm too although I'm not too concerned about that since I'm also not good with rhythm hahahaha
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
thanks
Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment your poem. I think it's fine for this to be 12+. It's a good advice for children here too. This reminds me of my mom's advice for me when I go to school or just go out. I love how it was written too.
In the first line, I think you should add a comma at the end. So when it is read out loud, the flow is better. Words that people say and even what you say can hurt you too. Because some people even like to bounce back your words to you.
At the first line here, I think you should change the period into a comma. So, the sentence has a better flow and it seems like the other line is connected to the first. You don't know the lives and how it started so I really got to be careful with your words.
The last line is just really true. Because I think I might have said stuff to ruin people's relationships with each other or even with me. I don't see any errors here. Good job!
Images, yes. People built images for each stranger they meet so that image gets ruined with those words that come out of your mouth. The metaphor of "people dying" is great because bullets kill people and words are like bullets. Those words shatter people's souls. The last line is similar to the first and it is great for an ending line.
Over all, this was short but each word says a lot. The messages was great but you've got a few errors. Keep it up! Have a wonderful day/night!
thank you so much for your review <3