Young Writers Society

This is so good - literally poetic, I get why you wanted to publish it here.
I also like how you wanted to publish a story - like written conventionally - as a poem - its such a good idea. it's really interesting to try and merge fiction stories and poetry.

I have questions - is this a book you've planned/half written?
Or is this an excerpt that you have in your head - like on its own?
Do you have the rest of the story? Or is this like a fan-fic thing.

I kinda do something similar- I have scenes in my head that I love, that are so beautiful, but that's it, there just scenes and the rest of the story i'm not gonna write.

I loved the first paragraph - like its a bit magical, but (this is literally just me) I kinda found the last paragraph cheesy.


Overall really great job though, I liked it. If you ever write the rest let me know. - imma go have a look at your other stuff

Hi! Manilla here for a review. Let's get right into it, shall we?

As a reader
This was absolutely breathtaking! In such a short space, you painted a brilliant picture of the narrator's emotions and complicated feelings for Xavier, with a powerful beginning and end. Yet you explained it all clearly.

A question I have is on who, exactly, is Xavier? You don't describe him, other than how the narrator is attracted to him; this could allude to the fact that the narrator may or may not be in love. This could be rhetorical in nature, because mystery attracts humans to keep going forth.

As a writer
A suggestion I have is on breaking the smooth flow you established to deliver more powerful of a message. Occasionally, use short, choppy sentences, paragraph breaks. Vary sentence length for a dynamic voice. But your choice of narrating, however, reflects on who the narrator really is and contributes to the greater meaning of the story you noted at the end.

Overall
You do a good job of drawing back to the audience - What will they take out of this? You give us inspiration in this, finding our forevers (I really liked that finishing line). Thank you for that.

This was a brilliant read!
-Manilla out

Hello,

This is well written! I like the simple but meaningful love story here. It's short, but I think it expresses a nice message about love. I like that you didn't just tell a love story from this characters perspective, but you also added a meaningful message for the readers - that we can also find someone like this.

I don't have anything to point out about this story... I just really loved reading through this. I think the words flowed really well together to form a beautiful piece.

Keep Writing