The best way I could possible attempt to explain it would be that I look at the clouds and think of your smile; your perfect smile. I would always tell you that it was the best thing I had ever seen, something that consisted of pure joy. Just the physical reaction of your happiness made me happy. I look at the trunks of trees and all I can think of is your loving dark brown eyes. The ones I would look into and fall in love. They held so much pain and happiness and love, it was a kind of beautiful. Every time I open social media and see all of the couples, it makes me break down thinking of what we could've been. Sometimes I like to look through our old conversations and pictures, and I feel the hole in my chest that appeared the day you told me we couldn't be together. I skip meals and shut myself out. I sit in my room getting buzzed and staring at the walls. I'm heartbroken; completely and utterly broken. Sure, I've been hurt by past relationships, but I've never felt this low. The chemistry I had with you made me realize why people fall in love. I knew I shouldn't have gotten so attached, shouldn't have gotten so comfortable. I promised myself I wouldn't let guys hurt me anymore, but how could I not fall in love with you? You made me feel worth something, special. It was different than other guys, not as if they glued my broken pieces back, but as if I was never broken in the first place. Without you I feel more lost and broken than I ever have been. I constantly feel as if I'm in a dark hole where I can't see the sky, buried alive. I'm suffocated without your love to help me breathe. I know you never loved me like I love you, and I'm sorry I've been such a burden. I'm trying to be okay, I really am. I wish I could make you as happy as you once made me. I'm sorry.
I don't usually write happy poems, and this is why. Hope is giving life a knife and asking it to stab you repeatedly.
{excerpt from a novel I'll never write #7}
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey Lylas!
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Seeing the word "excerpt" at the end made me reread the whole thing so as to feel more of it. And guess what? I really imagined your characters (from my own point of view), and I felt sympathy for the girl. Well, in reality there really are instances like this one.
One thing I'd like to point out, like what Felistia said, this is the first kind of poem I've ever read that can't be compared to others in terms of format. But when it comes to the feelings that poems should have, so the readers could connect with the message of the poet, they're there. So it's all good.
Regarding the title, I think it's misleading (at least for me). If I didn't read the genre of your work I wouldn't know that this is in the poetry section. At first glance, I thought that it would be more of a short story, because that is the vibe the title gives me. After reading everything, I think this talks more about a 'fluffy love of a teenager that didn't end up well'.
For suggestion, I think a little bit of editing with some of the words (and grammar) would be better. There are only few of those that needs attention. (Don't worry, I, too, usually am doing lots of editing when it comes to this part)
I like the way you expressed the feelings of the girl, so no problem there. And may I add that I've read lots of similar concepts, but something about your work made me feel the idea of the whole thing.
Keep up the good work! I'm actually looking forward to your other poems (or maybe it could be a sequel kind of poem to this one, cause it's good
Hugs&Sweets,
Noir Chocolat
Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
I think this would flow better if you changed "I had" into "I'd"Nit-picks
I think this would flow better if you took out the first "and" and replaced it with a comma.
Overall thoughts
Okay so this was like no other poem I've ever read. The format is very different as this is more of a love letter than a poem, but as poetry it works.
You used really rich words to describe how this person is feeling about her lost love. The description at the beginning of the poem was beautiful.
Your poem flowed really well for the most part and was fun to read. I could feel the emotions you where trying to get across. Overall this was a very emotional poem.
I wasn't so sure about the title though. It wasn't that inviting. I'd maybe change it to something like "Lost Love".
Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.