What She Is

oh man!!! oops sorry oh girl!!! those ending lines were electric!.perfect mathematical precision,perfect rhyming,and perfect choice of words.
She’s a beast

when it comes to love

she’s broken & hungry

and she won’t give up.

loved those lines.the true yearning of every lovelorn girl's heart.however,for a person who so strongly believes that she is in love with the guy,such high level of self-mortification and self-depreciation is a bit unexpected.i couldn't understand the psychology of the character you are trying to potray. all else is fine.simple language but very intense expression.keep up the good work!

Hi eleutheromania,

I really liked this poem, I usually only review the ones I like. I thought the way you brought everything down to its animilistic basic feelings. Love in its purest form is ugly and confusing, how can someone love you and yet cause you so much pain. The message was strong and it came through nicely. My favourite bit is

"She'll decieve you
With promises of the future
And imagine a world
That couldn't exist without her"

The idea that she implants this notion that the world is somehow less without her is cool. That way the betrayal is much stronger.

Really enjoyed it. Look forward to reading more.

LMJ

I read this twice only fully understand the words the second time. They reminded me of myself and all the pain I've caused for the one I love. We don't mean to do it I just happens and when it does it's too late. After being hurt so many times though you build this wall and get scared to love again causing that pain on another. The right person will come along and break down that wall, let them. They know exactly what they're doing and they won't let you run away. I like the way your work flowed and brought emotion into my heart. I connected to it in a way and I feel like I needed to see this.

Very powerful poem about having appreciation for the people you love, especially a significant other. Some people do not recognize the margin of pain that they set the moment they establish a relationship with someone, nor do they realize, when they suddenly decide to break it off and leave them to pick up the pieces, just how broken the other person is. But I love how you spoke of how revenge can be sweet by turning the tables on that said lover. I loved the last line where you revealed the broken lover to be yourself. Not sure if this was based on a series of real events but I loved it nonetheless!:)

This is my first review in weeks--or months I know not, but let's see what I can do to illuminate your mind and tweak this piece of poetry. I don't know if I was trying to sound interesting by the previous sentence, but I felt that it was dramatic enough considering my absence from the art of constructive criticism. I must say this poem was quite interesting. Sometimes I felt I was reading a poetic warning pockmarked with the hopelessness of someone who might have dated this girl and thus did not want the next guy to go through the same pain. That is until I read the last stanza which caught me completely off-guard, which I give you full points for. I hope you don't view yourself in this fashion in reality. It would break my heart as a guy and as a brother of two sisters to see a women regarding herself under such a gray light. If you are in love with the guy, go after him and let him know that you are a nice girl. If you wait too long all of the good ones will be taken.

Now in terms of crit, I thought that the second stanza was a little odd. Were you trying to rhyme "learn" with "her"? That could be an example of a slant rhyme, but don't quote me on that. And if it is an example of said slant rhyme, then you are throwing the whole poem off-balance as the rest of the poem (minus the conclusion) is full of perfect rhymes which I'm sure you don't want to see happen considering how entertaining this poem is. Also I want to make a note of the sixth stanza. There is nothing wrong with it, except for the fact that all the other stanzas have four lines, not five. Usually in a poem all stanzas have the same number of lines, however if you want to be clever, I suggest that you make the fifth stanza have five lines instead of the sixth, seeing as how this poem has nine stanzas and the fifth one would be the middle one, do you follow?

Anyhow, this was a great poem and I am interested in reading more of your work. And please for the love of God, don't let this poem reflect how you really are as a person. I'd hate to have to teach you a daunting lesson on self-esteem. Kudos!!