Little hands banging doors in protest of their location.
Little laughter echoing in buildings too small for imagination
...
Like caterpillars in chrysalises are the children locked in shallow walls.
Like muddied truths of instances that gave hope of ever dreaming at all.
...
They are burdened by the oneness of their mother,
forgotten in the cries of four sisters and brother.
...
They cannot rid themselves of this devastating poverty
but their hands inscribe their own names in cracked and crooked concrete.
...
With powder in colors the rainbow has envied
these children mark themselves in ground still susceptible to whimsy.
...
Ashton, Aiden, Aurora, and Avalon
Who will acknowledge theses names that we walk upon?
...
They are children deserving of homes
scratching their titles in the pavement
so that their presence would make itself known.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
I thoroughly enjoyed this!
Such depth, I was so intrigued by your piece. Your descriptions are so cogent, wow. You definitely had my attention from the very first line. "Little hands banging doors in protest of their location. Little laughter echoing in buildings too small for imagination." This wasn't too vague, but didn't give away too much information. You said just enough to capture the reader's attention. Your similes in the second "stanza" are so well written!! I loved it. I also thought the line, "With powder in colors the rainbow has envied these children mark themselves in ground still susceptible to whimsy," was so powerful and so well written!
This is a wonderful piece.
~FearlessLove4
Hello! I'm here to write a review
I thought this was an amazing hook, dragging me in to want to know more about who these children are and exactly what their situation is.
This was very strong and intriguing (in a good way). It allowed me to see how these children live, though it is sad.
This really got to me. It literally almost made me cry!
This was written incredibly well, but I thought it ended a bit abruptly. Not too bad, but I thought it could use another couple lines to conclude maybe the future of what will happen to these children. Other than that, I enjoyed reading this, very much to be honest. It may have been sad, but the way you worded your sentences gave a small visual about where/how they live. Amazing job!
Thanks so much for your review!