Chapter 3
By the time Jarid got to the arena, there was still plenty of time before the start of the test. Jarid noticed a small lineup at the gate, consisting of noble families and their children. There was a pair of guards at the gate checking everyone’s identification. The line was slow and Jarid got to the front there with only a few minutes to spare.
“What’s your name, kid?” the guard asked impatiently.
“Jarid Drakoulis.”
The guard frowned, muttering something to himself about letting everyone in these days. He jerked his thumb at the gate.
“Take the first door on the right and make your way to the arena.”
Jarid nodded and walked towards the gate. He knew that one couldn’t simply ‘make their way to the arena.’ Inside the arena walls was a massive labyrinth of passages and one could easily get lost in them for hours. Luckily, he had worked here long enough to know his way around. He confidently strode in and navigated the passages to the arena floor with a small smirk of satisfaction.
Hehe. You can’t stop me that easily! I’m going to be a dragon rider someday!
Jarid winced at the brightness of the sun after the dim passageways. The blue sky overhead had few clouds and the heat radiated off the stone walls of the arena. The arena was a round amphitheater about the size of a small noble’s castle. Above and surrounding the arena floor were rows of seats generously filled with nobles of all ages. The floor itself was covered with sand and there was a large obstacle course set up in the center.
There were almost a hundred potential students there. Each one was outfitted in their family colors. To Jarid, it seemed like he was looking at a massive patch of weirdly shaped flowers. All of them stood around chatting with each other and showing off the moves they had learned.
Jarid stood off to the side and watched. How would he ever fit in with people like this? Then the announcer stepped onto the field and called for everyone’s attention.
“This year’s test for the dragon training academy will be beginning shortly. Everyone please quiet down and listen up.”
As he shouted these words the gate at the entrance began to lower just as a boy with short blond hair rushed in. He was breathing hard and sat down with a sigh of relief. Casting a look up at Jarid, who was leaning against the wall nearby, he smiled and gave him a thumbs up.
“Made it,” He wheezed. Everyone else turned their attention back to the announcer while the boy got up and walked over to stand beside Jarid.
“Man! It sure is like a maze back there. Should have listened better to the guard’s instructions.” He stuck out his hand. “Name’s Steven Farrow. What’s yours?”
Jarid shook his hand warily.
“Jarid Drakoulis.” Steven looked like he was about to say more but the announcer had started speaking again.
“This year we have the honor of hosting three instructors and four retired dragon riders from the esteemed Dragon riding academy. They will be the observers for this test.” He gestured to a box situated high in the stands that gave the instructors a good view of the entire arena. Behind them stood seven nobles in strange looking armor. Each one was a different color that matched the clothes of the observers.
Jarid recognized Airel at the end of the line wearing a stet of black armor. They looked like guards, but that couldn’t be the case. At most they were only a few years older than he was.
“We have set up an obstacle course to test your athleticism, and those who make it through will go on to do a test of your math and writing skills before a final mock combat and magic test. Once all three tests have been completed, you will be sent home. The observers will be watching each test closely and should you be deemed worthy of entering the Academy, you will receive a letter of acceptance along with instructions on how to prepare for the year ahead.”
With that he signaled for the test to begin.
The obstacle course was long and complex with so many different barriers it looked like a small maze. The announcer began calling out names and titles for the participants. As each one was called they marched to the beginning of the course.
Jarid watched the first student enter the obstacle course to the cheers of the other students and the roar of the crowd watching from the stands. He raced through the first few obstacles with ease but by the time he was three quarters of the way through he was drenched in sweat. There was a board you had to balance across. As one crossed, there were swinging bales of hay to avoid and a pit of thick mud below. The current participant had made it halfway across when one of the bales nicked him. This was enough to make him lose his balance send him into the mud below with a disgusting ‘plop’.
As more students took the course it became obvious that the first student’s run wasn’t bad at all. Most only made it halfway before failing or giving up. Steven began talking as they watched.
“That sure looks hard, doesn’t it? I’ve been waiting all year for another shot at it.”
Jarid knew some people were allowed multiple tries if they failed their first attempt, but he was still surprised. He looked over at Steven and wondered what he might be feeling. Was he nervous because he failed the first time or confident now that he knew what the test entailed? Either way, Jarid had enough experience with guys like him to see that he was looking for attention. Maybe he could use that to get some information about the tests to come.
“This is my first attempt. Do you have any pointers?”
Steven lit up. “Sure thing!”
He quickly launched into a detailed explanation of last year’s trial. If you performed poorly on the obstacle course, you were unlikely to pass. Then there were tests on math, science, and English. If you failed any of those your chances of being chosen also dropped dramatically.
Jarid was thankful for the time he’d spent teaching Shadow all those subjects from Shadow’s mother’s memories. Dragons may have used different words but most of the concepts were the same.
The mock combat was where you had to show off your martial arts skills to impress the judges. Jarid hoped that his training would be enough to make it through. The only time he had fought anyone was during practice with Shadow. He had never faced a human opponent before, and hoped it wouldn’t put him at too much of a disadvantage.
“The magic test is simple. You just throw your most powerful spell at a target, and they grade you on it. The hardest part of the whole thing is, without a doubt, waiting to see if you passed. I was so mad when they failed me last time,” he said with a big grin. Jarid somehow doubted that last part was true.
When the announcer called Steven’s name, he smirked and gave Jarid a thumbs up. He made it most of the way through, but out of all the students only eight had fully completed the course. Then it was finally Jarid’s turn.
“Jarid Drakoulis is being represented by the Brineberg family,” the announcer declared as Jarid walked up to the starting line. No one cheered for him of course.
It felt creepy to have all those eyes watching him silently. Judging him. Then he thought about what Shadow would say to him right now.
“Well, let’s give them something to cheer about then!” His brother would shout.
Jarid smiled. He’d prove he was worthy of being a dragon rider. The horn sounded for him to begin and Jarid took off. He moved from obstacle to obstacle as easily as sprinting through the tangle of Denbark forest. It didn’t take long to find a rhythm to the different ropes, barriers, and precarious steps. He may have been stronger than most humans his age but that didn’t mean he could last forever. By the time he crossed the bridge with the swinging haybales he was breathing hard with sweat soaking his shirt.
He made it past the bridge and a rock-climbing wall beyond it to find the last obstacle looming before him. It was the simplest and yet hardest of them all. Many students had come this far only to end in defeat. It was a high wall where you had to run up and grab the ledge at the top. If you missed the ledge or couldn’t pull yourself up, you failed.
Jarid took a deep breath and focused all his remaining strength into one final burst of energy. He ran at the wall full speed using his momentum to throw himself upwards. His hands latched onto the ledge, and he grimaced as he pulled himself up. There was a bell on a platform at the top that had to be rung to finish the course. Jarid quickly dragged himself to his feet and rang the bell.
The crowd erupted in cheers and clapping. Jarid was shocked.
No one had ever cheered for him before. At first, he wanted to get away from all the attention, but gradually he accepted their praise. It filled him in a way he’d never felt before. Tears appeared in his eyes as he felt his chest swell with pride.
After climbing down off the platform. He spotted Steven in the crowd of students that had finished the course and walked over to him. He was still a little dizzy from the cheering of the crowd. Steven suddenly slapped him on the back hard enough to make him cough.
“Well done! That was awesome! You were so fast I could barely keep up. There’s no way you’ll fail the combat test, but don’t celebrate just yet. They’re gonna give us some pretty hard questions in the written test so get ready.”
Jarid didn’t understand why Steven was being so nice. He had to have figured out that he was a commoner by now. Jarid could understand the crowd cheering. It was a spectacle to them. But nobles often viewed commoners as no better than the horses that helped plow their fields. What made Steven and Airel different? Did he truly not realise? Before Jarid could ponder this further the announcer raised his voice.
“We will now conduct the written portion of the examination. We have set aside rooms for the examination to which you have each been assigned. Once you have completed the examination you will hand in your answers to the observer. Each will be a representative of the academy who will oversee the test. Then you will make your way back here. Clear?” There was a general nodding of heads.
“Good. When I call your name, you will line up behind the observer for your room.” He gestured to a small group of teachers at the edge of the arena.
The announcer rattled of names quickly and soon everyone was lined up and on their way. Steven was in a different group which Jarid was grateful for. It wasn’t that he didn’t like him. He just didn’t want to be distracted, wondering about Steven's motives for getting close to him.
After everyone was seated and the tests passed out, the observer gave them a brief explanation of the rules and the test began. Even commoners were taught basic reading and math, but this test was on a completely different level. Thankfully, using the knowledge from Shadow’s mother allowed Jarid to understand the questions and answer them appropriately. Even so, he was still one of the last students to leave. When he set down his paper the observer raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing.
As he came out onto the arena floor once more, Jarid noticed that the obstacle course had been put away and the floor swept clean. There were four small arenas marked out on the floor and a numbered posts staked at each on the nearer side. On the far side there were rows of wooden dummies set up.
The last of the students struggled in and all the gates except the exit gate were closed. The observers had also gone to stand behind the announcer who began to speak as the gates closed.
“The mock combat is about to begin! But before that we have a little cleaning up to do.”
Many of the participants began looking around in confusion, but Jarid noticed that Steven seemed unfazed. This must have happened previously as well.
“Each of the observers has written the name of everyone caught cheating during the written portion and their names will now be read aloud.”
Many of the participants paled or looked at their boots awkwardly. Jarid knew that, for nobles, publicly shaming them like this was far worse than any kind of physical beating.
“Those who are named shall immediately leave the arena through the open gate,” The announcer pointed to the exit gate. Then he stepped back and each of the observers stepped forward in turn to read their list. Almost a third of the students walked out the exit. Jarid was a glad to see Steven wasn’t among them. However, if he already knew about the consequences, Jarid doubted Steven would do something as foolish as cheating.
“Those of you remaining will be given a slip of paper with the arena you will be battling in and the time of your bout. You are free to do what you wish until then, but anyone who doesn’t show up on time will be disqualified. Once you are finished you may join the audience in the stands or sit at the side of the arena.”
The observers then walked among the students, handing out their slips of paper. Jarid was handed his slip by a massive hulking man. He knew muscles weren’t everything when it came to being a dragon rider, but he certainly fit the image of an elite warrior. Jarid checked his slip. He was due to fight in the last round, so he walked over to the arena wall to wait. It didn’t take long for Steven to join him.
“Nice to see you aren’t the cheating type!” he quipped. Jarid raised an eyebrow.
“You could have told me that beforehand you know,” he commented dryly. Steven laughed.
“What’s the fun in that? It’s hilarious to watch everyone’s face go pale when the realize they got caught. Besides, you don’t look like the cheating type, so there was nothing to worry about.”
Then he pulled out his slip of paper. “I am in the last round at arena three. What about you?”
Jarid checked his slip. “Arena four in the last round.”
“Great! Then we have plenty of time to chat before our match. I know you must be wondering how I could possibly lose,” he said, while flexing his arms and posing. “And I’m here to tell you there’s no way. I’m much too handsome to lose.”
I wonder why you weren’t accepted last time then, Jarid thought, smiling idly.
Still, it was nice to have a small conversation while they waited for their turn. Steven made jokes and told stories of his achievements which helped pass the time. Jarid didn’t really know what to say so he just listened and smiled at his attempted jokes or ridiculous stories.
As it neared the time for Jarid’s match, his mind drifted back to his earlier question about why Steven was being so friendly after only just meeting him.
“Hey Steven?”
“Yeah?”
“You do know I’m a commoner, right? Why are you being so nice to me?”
Steven paused for a moment. His ever-present grin still plastered on his face.
Then he laughed and patted Jarid on the shoulder with a cheeky smile.
“I knew there was something different about you! Hardly any of the other nobles can put up with me for this long, much less, listen so respectfully. Haha! I like you Jarid. If we both make it into the academy, let’s be friends, alright?”
He paused again and his voice turned a bit more serious. “I’m sure it’ll be tough for a commoner to survive at the academy. Come to me if you have any problems, alright?”
Jarid nodded. Then Steven’s cheeky smile returned.
“Great! Honestly, most nobles are no fun at all. Having you around is sure to spice things up! Haha!”
Jarid didn’t have time to ponder Steven’s words as the announcer called for all contestants participating in the final round to make their way to the arena.
“Well. Good luck, Jarid. See you soon.”
Steven waved as he strutted confidently to arena three. Jarid waved back as he got up and walked over to arena four.
He hoped that Steven genuinely wanted to help him and wasn’t just playing some noble’s game with him. But now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. He was about to fight another human being for the first time. Not only that, but a noble who had been properly trained in combat by expensive tutors. He wasn’t about to lose though.
Jarid nodded to himself and kept his eyes focused straight ahead with a look of determination. It didn’t matter who he faced. He was going to become a dragon rider!
End of chapter
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Sorry I haven't been able to read one of these chapters in a while! I really like that Steven helps Jarid under no obligation, but still leaves some details out, like the fact if you're caught cheating than you fail. I really like how you ended off, "Jarid nodded to himself and kept his eyes focused straight ahead with a look of determination. It didn’t matter who he faced. He was going to become a dragon rider!" Which adds some excitement for the reader for the next chapter.
Anndd we're back! Let's hop right in!
so i noticed a little repetition there. You used "by the time" twice in that paragraph and "there was" twice. Maybe try to use a different expression there.Comma after "name." Also, I love the edition of the word "impatiently." He just wants to be done with his job for the day xD the part about him muttering added some great character to his personality. Loved that!!
I love Jarids confidence as he strolls into the arena. He knows the area well and is taking on the heirs of a noble youth. I love his youthful personality so much!
So you did a great job telling me what the area is like but I noticed a whole lot of more passive verbs like "had" and "was." Also, I couldn't help but notice the combination "There was" is used a lot. See if you can find a more creative way of describing the surroundings and see how much more vivid the picture becomes!
Oooh that metaphor of the youths looking like flowers was so good! I can picture that! (I also picture Jarid being a lil out of place as he probably doesn't have those fancy colors or noble clothes) and yess you even mentioned that!!
here two full sentences are joined without any punctuation. I suggest treating them as separate sentences.
Stevens entrance was so perfect!! I wonder if he and Jarid are going to be friends. Also, I love that Jarid feels a little uncertain after being accosted by this other enthusiastic boy.
comma between "completed" and "you."
Wow that obstacle course certainly sounds hard! I love how you described it through the vision of the first boy running through it. But I will say that the use of "you" felt a little too casual for something so serious. I have to admit, I expected the crowd to roar in laughter when the contestant fell into the mud xD. I guess they are more polite than I thought.
I found Jarid using Stephen for information interesting. I almost feel like Jarid thinks of himself above Stephen in the fact that hes more dignified and quiet than the overly chatty Stephen.
wait...he's not human?? Also hoped is the word you are looking for.
You did a FABULOUS job describing the obstacles course and how he flew through it. I saw a lot of great action verbs that testified the the test of endurance. At the end, I felt that the obstacle course was difficult even on Jarid but he mad it anyway. Literally got a lil wave of goosebumps when I read that he'd made it. Id clap for him too if I saw him do that!
After reading the part about how the cheating got delt with, I really can't help but think that that part may have gotten Stephen out when he competed earlier. He just strikes me as the type who'd try>.>
add the last part starting with "coming" to the previous sentence, using a comma to combine them.
Even I'M getting a lil annoyed with Stephen. His audacity to speak to Jarid is a bit too much to not come across as having a taste of obnoxiousness that colors his personality. I also like the character development here. You make it obvious Jarid is annoyed and I feel like that's partly where my sympathy for Jarid comes from in this section. Great job!!
He is very full of himself xD. You want lose though. Not loose.
(Also quick backtrack. I think the use of you is okay in the descriptions, just maybe omit the incidence of the "one"? Cuz that was a little formal. I forget your style is rather casual and friendly
I am SOOOO suspicious of Stephen. I feel like he's planning something to do to Jarid for his own entertainment purposes. Jarid better keep an eye on this kid!!
comma after "luck."
Well Jarid certainly has the personality of a fighter. And he's fast. I think he'll be fine. Once again great job leaving me questioning. I'm so curious about Stephen and what's gonna happen to Jarid. Only reading another chapter will tell me.
See you in the next!
-Kaia
Thanks once again for the great review. You may continue to find quite a few grammar errors in Wing 1 and 2 but I am still so grateful for your thorough review.
By the way, I wanted the make it clear that the line about Jarid never fighting humans before is because he had only fought/spared with Shadow (the dragon) up to this point, not because Jarid isn't human.
You're welcome!

That part did become clearer a little further on, but maybe quickly mentioning why that is a fact would help clear that up a bit.
Shorter review this time, sorry.
Overall chapter looks pretty good, I was hooked reading about the challenges. there was a great description of everything, it flowed very well. Interested in this new character, I'm interested in what his motives are for hanging out with Jarid. excited to see how the fighting goes, hope there are some good action parts, which can be made all the better by additional description. For now though, this chapter looks really good, loved all the intricate challenges and inclusion of Shadow's mom's memories. Good luck and may writer's block pass you by!
Hello again, my friend!
Okay, so this chapter was awesome! Your descriptions of the arena and crowd, what it feels like for Jarid to be here, the rush through the obstacle course, and the introduction of Steven and his odd demeanors. All handled very well, and leaves on a note that makes me eager to read more! There were a lot of incredible details I wanted to make note of, as I was reading.
"The guard frowned, muttering something to himself about letting everyone in these days."
It's a minor moment, but it was a good idea for you to include this reaction from the guard. The same goes for the silent crowd, and Jarid's note of their "judgment" as he enters the arena. In prior chapters, I was really hoping to *see* more of this prejudice of the noble class, going into the academy, and the fact that it's manifesting before Jarid's even an official student tells the reader how strong it is, and why it was a common talking point until now.
"No one had ever cheered for him before. At first, he wanted to get away from all the attention, but gradually he accepted their praise. It filled him in a way he’d never felt before. Tears appeared in his eyes as he felt is chest swell with pride."
(Minor typo: "...he felt *his* chest swell...")
I really like Jarid's reaction here, it comes across as very realistic. And I'm not sure if this was intentional, but it added a bit of depth to his character. He's usually so confident, and behaves very bravely around the nobles, but now that he's in the spotlight, we see him actually showing reservation and a bit of fear. It speaks a lot about where he comes from, how unusual this is for him, and that he's not this totally unshakeable type of character.
The last thing I wanted to note was Steven's character. It's interesting, as I'm open to believing he'll be a friend -maybe the "Ron Weasley" of the group, given his cheeky and unpopular nature. I'm also a little suspicious of him, though, as I could imagine a noble being a two-faced kind of character. There were also the lines like this:
"It wasn’t that he didn’t like him. He just didn’t want to be distracted, wondering about Stevens motives for getting close to him."
(Minor grammar error: "...about *Steven's* motives...")
It is consistent with to Jarid's character, being baffled about why a noble boy would be so open and willing to talk to him (as he was also a bit uneasy around Airel in this manner), but I feel like the way this comes off, it also extends to the reader and plants some doubt around Steven's intentions. Which, even if Steven's a totally good guy and I'm way off, it's a great way to spur reader interest so good on you for that.
Overall, like I said, awesome chapter! I really enjoyed it, and it made the perfect start to Jarid's adventure into this academy!
Hello friend!
I saw you posted another chapter, and I'm here to check it out!
Per my interpretation, this was a stellar addition to this novel! It showed all that Jarid is willing to go through for Shadow and how intense the academy is.
Jarid shows up to the arena, prepared for the day ahead. The day starts out with an obstacle course, but before Jarid can step foot on it, he's met by another young kid named Steven. Steven provides Jarid with pointers throughout the chapter, but eventually, after the written test they all have to do, Jarid begins to question Steven's motives. This goes on, and the chapter ends with these two preparing for the mock fight, when Steven says they should be friends, forcing Jarid to push it out of his mind and focus.
This was a great plot that did a wonderful job of introducing a new character!
If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be a small spelling thing. When Jarid was thinking about how difficult the mock combat could be, you said,
I assume you were trying to say what he was 'hoping' in this situation, which, when past tense, is "hoped" instead of "hopped." So changing that so it doesn't say something along the lines of he 'jumped' would fix that easily!
But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.
If I had to pick my favorite part, as per usual, there would be more than just one! This was a great chapter that showed a lot of great things!
The first thing that really caught my eye was the way you showed how difficult the obstacle course is, saying,
This implies that three-quarters of the way isn't a bad run, and most are failing just halfway through, truly showing how difficult the course is. All of this, just for Jarid to do it fairly easily.
This does a fantastic job of showing Jarid's true skill and how much he deserves to attend the Dragon Rider Academy. He's worked incredibly hard to get to where he is, and the way you showed how impressive his feat of getting through the course was was amazing! A commoner doing what several trained nobles couldn't—it's a really beautiful trope, and I love how you implemented it!
The next thing that I really enjoyed about this chapter occurred when the observers were going to read off the names of everyone who cheated. It showed the morals of the nobles and what's truly important to them when you said,
This shows how cocky nobles are while simultaneously showing the weight on their backs. They have to be perfect in every way or they'll be shamed, which to them is worse than a beating. It kind of makes you feel bad for the nobles, even though they're sort of the antagonists in this chapter. And it's always nice when a writer can make you feel bad for someone you hate, so kudos to you for that!
The next thing I liked was really small, but it was when Steven was trying to talk with Jarid and Jarid thought,
This is a really funny way to show Jarid's witty side, and I love how you showed it here. It captures how Jarid thinks and feels about Steven in a very creative way, and how he isn't amazed at all of the nobles like most people are. It shows his character really well, and I thought it was worth mentioning. So good there!
The final thing that stood out to me in this chapter was the ending. It showed Jarid's willpower and how much he wants to go to the academy. Especially the ending paragraph when you said,
Jarid's determination in this very trying and unknown situation is quite admirable. It proves how much Jarid genuinely wants to spend the rest of his life with Shadow and the lengths he's willing to go to for it. I mean, he has absolutely no idea what he's walking into, but he's walking into it with his head held high, which is extraordinary, even for a fictional character. You've done a great job with Jarid's character so far, and I love how you slowly reveal more and more about him. He's truly one-of-a-kind!
Overall, this was a great chapter! I had a blast reading it and really enjoyed meeting a new character! You did an awesome job with this, and I can't wait to see you in the next one!
Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!
Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!
Thanks for the review, as always. I'm so glad you enjoyed
Steven seems like a great guy. I think it's hilarious that well Jarid is overthinking, why is this guy being so nice to me? He must know I'm a commoner. What's his motive? the guy is too oblivious to have noticed anything was amiss. It was a great bit of characterization for the both of them, and a funny moment in general.
It was also interesting that all of the cheaters were removed from consideration. In the last chapter, Airel claimed that the Academy was based wholly on merit, (to which I was a little skeptical) but this was a good way of showing us that. I can only imagine how many angry parents the administration has on their backs.
I also thought that your descriptive language was strong in this chapter. Jarid's comparison of the nobles to flowers-
-and the entire scene with the obstacle course were great examples of this. It's neat to see this "other world" being funneled through Jarid's, and outsiders', eyes.
I did have one small nitpick with these sections-
While they don't have anything grammatically wrong with them, "He knew," and "Jarid knew," aren't necessary to the integrity of the sentence. "Knew" is considered a filter word alongside one's like "he felt, he thought, he heard," etc. etc. It's used to make the reader feel closer to the narrator by "filtering" their thoughts through text, however, it often has the opposite effect. The added jargon can create dissonance.
This comes down to your discretion as a writer, as there's not a hard and fast rule for when and where to use them. As a reader, I often get caught up on these words, but that's not a universal experience.
All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter! This story has a lot of interesting threads, and I'm excited to see the combat/magic part of this trial! For the time being, though, keep on writing, and have a great rest of your week!
Thanks a lot for adding to my knowledge as a writer. My target audience is a bit younger and probably wouldn't feel the dissonance you described but I am glad you mentioned it. I'm still surprised how much I have to learn about writing.