Cover art for Shadow's Rising {Wing 1} Chapter 10 (part 1)

Shadow's Rising {Wing 1} Chapter 10 (part 1)

by dragonight9

Published March 20, 2024

E - Everyone

In Shadow's Rising Wing 1

Chapter 10

Jarid woke in a panic as the sharp sound of a horn pierced the air. He jumped out of bed and quickly put his clothes on. The dim light of early dawn, shining through the small window above the desk, barely provided enough illumination to dress.

He pulled out his bag and put on the scale necklace, tucking it under his clothes. He was about to hurry downstairs when he heard a sharp knock at his door.

“You may enter!” Jarid called, trying to remember how nobles talked.

Gunther opened the door and stepped into the room. After looking around the room briefly, he nodded to himself, letting out a gruntled sigh.

“I’m here to inform you about a few things before you meet the rest of the squad.

Classes don’t start for a few more days to allow time for anyone who got held up by bad weather or such to get here. You will use that time to get yourself accustomed to how things work around here and hopefully bond with the other members of the squad.”

Gunther looked at Jarid with a stern gaze, but Jarid could also see kindness in his eyes. He had the air of a retired military commander.

“No one at this academy cares who you are or where you came from. Anyone who thinks they will be treated differently because they are royalty or peasantry will be sorely disappointed. So don’t come to me or anyone else expecting favoritism but you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it either.

You are a dragon rider now. Not a peasant or a child. Never back down when the time comes to fight and never hesitate to seek aid from a fellow rider. We are all brothers here. We treat each other as our own flesh and blood.”

“Yes, sir,” Jarid replied, in what he hoped was a knightly fashion.

Gunther gave a stiff nod. “Good. You will treat your fellow students with respect and work together with your squad if you want any hope of lasting the month. I will do what I can to provide help should you seek it from me, but I do not tolerate slackers nor liars. My job is to aid this squad as its counsellor and discipline its members should the need arise. If you need something, ask. But don’t expect me to be lenient with you, nor provide you with acts of charity.”

Gunther’s eyes seemed to bore into Jarid for a moment as if searching for any kind of weakness or deceit. After a few seconds, Gunther relaxed.

“This academy will not pay for lost, damaged or stollen equipment, so take good care of it. I will be in my office most of the time if you need anything. It’s the second last door on the left down the right hall.”

Then Gunther stood up straight and opened the door, motioning for Jarid to take the lead. Jarid nodded and proceeded out the door and down the hall towards the entrance. Gunther closed the door and followed close behind.

As they approached the top of the stairs, Jarid began to hear voices coming from the entryway. When he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed a small group of students on the floor below.

In daylight, the room looked comfortable. There was a table on each side of the room and a sofa lined both walls. Opposite the entrance was a simple wooden desk with a door behind it. The soft morning light shone through windows behind the sofas, and a chandelier hung in the center of the room.

Most of the students in the greeting room were talking while a couple others lounged on the sofas trying to get a few more minutes of sleep.

“Squad! Attention!” Gunther bellowed suddenly as they descended the stairs.

Jarid flinched and the other squad members jumped up to stand in a line at attention. Gunther stood in front of them and gestured for Jarid to join him.

“This is the newest member of our squad. His name is Jarid, and he is a new arrival at the academy. If anyone has an objection to having him join us, please voice it now.”

Jarid hadn’t realized that he may not be accepted if the other members didn’t like him. What would happen to him then?

As he scanned the faces of the rest of the squad, he saw Steven at one end of the line. He gave Jarid a sly smile and a wink then stared straight ahead again. Jarid kept looking and found that Airel was standing in the middle of the line. She gave him a slight nod when his gaze met hers.

No one else was familiar but he noticed that there was one other girl besides Airel. He had always been under the impression girls didn’t fight or ride dragons. He thought they were too weak or easily frightened (another bias he kicked himself for having).

He looked again. Airel looked strong, and he felt fierce determination radiating off her. Jarid had no doubt she was just as strong and tough as any boy her age. Perhaps even more so. However, the other girl didn’t seem to have the same tomboyish air. Though she did look a little stronger than most of the soft noble girls he’d seen, she also seemed timid and shy. She certainly didn’t seem like a brave warrior much less a dragon rider, but he had learned recently not to judge a book by its cover.

No one had any objections, so Gunther turned to Jarid and continued. “As I said, use the next few days to get accustomed to how everything works here and to get acquainted with the rest of the squad. If you have any questions, ask me or your fellow squad members.

Remember. You are now a fully-fledged member of this squad. These people are your brothers in arms both here and on the battlefield. You must be able to trust them with your life, and they must trust you with theirs. No matter what, we stand beside each other. That is what it means to be a dragon rider and a member of this squad. If you have any further questions, I’ll be in my office.”

Then he turned to the other squad members. “Make sure he understands how things operate here and how he will fit into our squad. Also, you might need to teach him some noble manners. Use this time to show him around and introduce yourselves.”

Then he saluted. “Company, dismissed!” Gunther walked up the stairs and disappeared down the hallway. 

The moment he was out of sight, Steven leaped forward and gave Jarid a playful punch in the shoulder.

“Great to see you, Jarid! I just knew we were destined to be friends,” he said cheerfully. Jarid rubbed his shoulder.

“Yeah, well, I guess so.” It was still a bit awkward to be talking to a noble with such familiarity. Especially in front of other nobles.

Jarid shrugged mentally. He was just going to have to get used to it since everyone at the academy were nobles after all. Airel punched him even harder on the other shoulder.

“Ha! I knew you could make it,” she smirked, “but don’t think that it’s gonna be smooth sailing from here on. You’re just getting started.”

Steven shot a confused look at Jarid.

“You know her?”

“Yeah. Uh… she came down to the arena while I was cleaning and helped me to sign up for the exam.”

Steven nodded. “Huh. I was wondering how you signed up. Guess that explains it.”

Then he leaned over and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. “She’s not too bad looking, but you’d better be careful if you try to catch that tiger. She’s got mean streak, and I heard the last guy…” Before he could finish Airel stepped forward.

Jarid was expecting her to slap Steven like some noble ladies he’d seen, but instead, she punched him in the gut so hard he doubled over with a groan. She stood over him with her arms crossed. Steven looked up at Jarid with a pained grin.

“See what I mean?” he wheezed. Airel shook her head with a resigned sigh and turned to the rest of the squad, gesturing first to the timid looking girl.

“Let me introduce you to the rest of the squad. This is Felicia Hale. She is the adopted daughter of our squad leader Gunther Hale and is training to be a medic. She’s already very good at first aid and using plants to make medicines, healing potions and salves. If you ever get hurt or have questions about medicine, ask her.”

Felicia waved timidly with an awkward smile. Airel moved on to the shorter thin boy with a nervous look on his face.

“This is Ethan Ezrahite. He is pretty wise when it comes to tactics and book-ish stuff. He’s also proficient at ice magic and strategic combat. Just be careful not to ask him about anything you don’t want an extensive explanation on,” she said jokingly.

Ethan gave her a long-suffering look, but he stepped forward and shook Jarid’s hand with a respectful nod. “Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“And last but definitely not least is Benjamin Dover,” she said, gesturing to the well-built young man at the end of the line. He bowed his head slightly as his name was mentioned.

“Please, just call me Ben,” he said humbly. Airel smiled.

“He is a strong and capable warrior who looks out for his friends. He’s also practical and smart if you give him the chance. Just don’t try to rush him. He likes to work through problems methodically so some of the shallower students think he’s slow. But he’s not,” she quickly corrected.

Jarid got the feeling that Airel was defending Ben. Probably because he stood up for her or something in the past. Jarid smiled. It was comforting to know that Airel cared for her friends like he did.

After the introduction, Airel motioned to the door behind the desk.

“Let’s check out the training hall while I tell you a bit more about black squad.”

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Kaia
Review
Kaia wrote a review Review · Sep 28, 2024

Hello! It's been a bit since I've dropped by but I'm back!!

Nice dive into the first chapter with the action of being drawn out of a restful sleep (I picture Jarid being one of those people who can sleep just about anywhere.) I'm almost thinking this is a "last call" siren, so I'm a bit concerned that Jarid may be late. >.>

“You may enter!” Jarid called. Trying to remember how nobles talked.
Honestly, I don't picture that sounding all too noble-like probably because of the exclamation point at the end. Poor Jarid. I know he's trying. But quick point on this part. Combine "called" with "trying" using a comma.

After looking around the room briefly he nodded to himself, letting out a gruntled sigh.
Gunther strikes me as being a little bit different. He does definitely care about Jarid, but the way that he is quiet makes me think that there's some untold secret about him. I'm eager to learn more about this character. I suggest placing a comma between "briefly" and "he."

“I’m here to inform you about a few things before you meet the rest of the squad.

Classes don’t start for a few more days to allow time for anyone who got held up by bad weather or such to get here. You will use that time to get yourself accustomed to how things work around here and hopefully bond with the other members of the squad.”
I kind of thought this was odd that the dialogue got split up into two paragraphs...I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.

I honestly see Guther becoming proud of Jarid as time goes on. He takes on this distant fatherly type figure almost from the beginning. I almost feel like his sternness is something he had to learn to keep his position in the academy.

You are a dragon rider now. Not a peasant or a child. Never back down when the time comes to fight and never hesitate to seek aid from a fellow rider. We are all brothers here. We treat each other as our own flesh and blood.”

“Yes sir,” Jarid replied, in what he hoped was a knightly fashion.
He seems very eager to bestow a sense of confidence on Jarid by telling him to leave the past as the past and to not consider himself a peasant in the eyes of the nobles. In a sense, he almost does seem proud of Jarid. I wonder if he was a father...Now for the last part of that quoted section. It should be "Yes, Sir,". Also, poor Jarid! He is TRYING so hard to sound royal XD.

After a few seconds Gunther relaxed.
Comma between "seconds" and "Gunther." Another note about Gunther, he doesn't really use the almost immature-sounding threats that the other people of the academy use. He seems very down to earth and welcoming despite needing to establish set rules. I don't see him having a very pleasant time disciplining one of the academy members.

academy will not pay for lost, damaged or stollen equipment so take good care of it. I will be in my office most of the time if you need anything. It’s the second last door on the left down the right hall.”
Comma between "equipment" and "so." Again, Gunther invites Jarid to seek help, should he need it. I'm so curious about this man!

As they approached the top of the stairs Jarid began to hear voices coming from the entryway. When he reached the top of the stairs he noticed a small group of students on the floor below.

In daylight the room looked comfortable. There was a table on each side of the room and a sofa lined both walls. Opposite the entrance was a simple wooden desk with a door behind it. The soft morning light shone through windows behind the sofas and a chandelier hung in the center of the room.
I like how simple the descriptions were. They really built up a nice sense of the environment. And that detail with the students trying to nab some sleep was perfect XD. But I do have some comma suggestions. Comma between "stairs" and "Jarid." Comma between "top of the stairs" and "he noticed." Comma between "In daylight," and "the room." (All of these serve as introductory clauses and therefore need commas) And one last comma between "windos behind the sofas" and "and a chandelier." These are two complete sentences that could stand alone, and if joined with a conjunction "and, but, or, nor etc," a comma is needed.

was literally just wondering if this was an academy only for boys or if the boys and girls were (reasonably) separated.

e looked again. Airel looked strong and he felt fierce determination radiating off her
Comma between "strong" and "and."

I have to say, I like the comparison between Airel and her supposed friend. I tend to dislike super masculine women characters, and I like that you decided to include a less traditionally masculine female character, one that female readers like I can relate a LOT more to. Nice touch!

You must be able to trust them with your life and they must trust you with theirs. No matter what we stand beside each other. That is what it means to be a dragon rider and a member of this squad. If you have any further questions, I’ll be in my office.”
Comma between "your life" and "and they must."

Now, I'm kind of interested in this new point that I just thought of. Gunther appears to making the same type of speech he did when he went to speak to Jarid. Did Gunther single Jarid out to have that conversation? I can't imagine him going to EVERY member of the squad who is new...or is Jarid the only new member? Either way, I feel like Jarid was singled out to have that talk. Perhaps Gunther still has doubts about Jarid, despite his disposition to avoid passing judgment on his pupils based on their background.

“Great to see you Jarid. I just knew we were destined to be friends,” he said cheerfully. Jarid rubbed his shoulder.
Comma between "you" and "Jarid."

“You know her?”
This is such a pointed question. I almost feel like Steven is a little bit jealous, like he wants to have been chosen by her. I hope this doesn't end up in rivalry between Steven and Jarid...because I really don't think Jarid is that interested in Airel...

She’s not too bad looking. but you’d better be careful if you try to catch that tiger. I hear she’s got mean streak, and I heard the last guy…” Before he could finish Airel stepped forward.
I suggest switching the period after "looking" to a comma.

And of course Steven knows everyone's business! Yet, I still feel like Steven may have a *slight* interest in her anyway and maybe only says this to dismiss other thoughts? Or perhaps I am theorizing at nothing XD.

“See what I mean?” He wheezed.
You don't need to capitalize "he."

And ohh Felicia is a medicine girl! How fun! I wanna know more about her!!

Airel seems to be quite the leader of the black squad. I sense a sort of family bond between members of this group, almost as if they are all in the unpopular squad, which quite honestly rather fits with Steven who I rather expected was the odd ball, and it doesn't surprise me at all that he'd be in Jarid's group. What I want to know though is why he is befriending Jarid...I sense dark motives somewhere in there...

And that's it! Hope this helps :D
-Kaia

You did a great job with the length of the quotes here. As you may have guessed there are a few common errors I made a lot. I'm trying to correct them in my current chapters but they may still show up from time to time.

I really appreciate your view of Gunther. I'm glad that my stern yet caring character type came across so well. I also love hearing your theories. They provide great ideas for how to develop certain characters and the story itself later on.

Thanks for the review!

Kaia replied · Sep 28, 2024

Of course! As a fellow novelist, I completely understand loving to hear my readers theories and thoughts so I try to share mine when I'm the reader. :D

User avatar
PKMichelle
Review
PKMichelle wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2024

Hello, friend!
I'm back to explore another amazing chapter!!

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Per my interpretation, this was an awesome way to introduce the Black Squad and get Jarid started on his dragon-riding adventure!

Brief Summary:

Spoiler
Jarid is woken up early in the morning and is greeted by Gunther, who tells him what to expect before taking him to meet the other squad members. Jarid recognizes Steven and Airel from before and gets introduced to three other members. Soon after, Airel gives him a tour while beginning to tell him what the Black Squad entails.

Short, sweet, and enough to make me excited for more!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be related to some of your dialogue. What was actually said was really great and very on-brand for each character, but there were some structural issues that came when the dialogue was more than one paragraph long. For example, you said,

“I’m here to inform you about a few things before you meet the rest of the squad.

Classes don’t start for a few more days to allow time for anyone who got held up by bad weather or such to get here. You will use that time to get yourself accustomed to how things work around here and hopefully bond with the other members of the squad.”


This was great, but for quotations of more than one paragraph, you have to place open quotation marks at the start of each new paragraph and closed quotation marks at the end of only the last paragraph.

But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, there would be a couple! I liked many things about this chapter, but @RavenAkuma covered a lot of them already, so I'm going to try and switch it up a little!

The first thing that stood out to me while I was reading came when Gunther took Jarid to meet the other squad members! You could really feel the connection and how happy Steven and Airel were upon seeing Jarid. You said,

As he scanned the faces of the rest of the squad, he saw Steven at one end of the line. He gave Jarid a sly smile and a wink, then stared straight ahead again. Jarid kept looking and found that Airel was standing in the middle of the line. She gave him a slight nod when his gaze met hers.


This is something Jarid had been looking forward to, actually hoping for, and here it is. He has some somewhat real friends, which is exactly what he needs to get through this. Not only that, but they were just as glad to see him as he was to see them, which really shows the impact all of them have had on one another! Good job with this one!

The other thing that genuinely caught my eye was the final sentence! Airel is leading us into the next chapter and building anticipation for what is to come. You said,

“Let’s check out the training hall while I tell you a bit more about black squad.”


We're going into the training hall soon to learn much of what we've been curious about: the Black Squad. We're also going to get to see more of Airel, which I'm very excited about! Between Airel and the Black Squad, the next part seems like it's going to be a blast, so kudos to you for writing this!!


Overall, this was a really great addition to the novel!! I'm excited to come back for more and see what Airel has to say about the Black Squad! I'll check out Part 2 soon!!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!

Thank you so much for the critique about quotation marks. I wanted to break up the longer speeches but wasn't sure how. Now I do! ;)

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review Review · Mar 20, 2024

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

I cannot tell you how fast I clicked this chapter after seeing it in the Green Room (lol); finally, we get to see black squad, and better yet, Steven and Airel are in it! Awesome! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

No recommendations for content! Jarid's talk with Gunther was very well-written, you nailed that "stern but understanding" tone that I imagine a squad leader/counselor would have, and the following introductions all made for great first impressions. There was one very minor typo that I noticed here:

“This academy will not pay for lost, damaged or stollen equipment so take good care of it.”


"Stolen" has an extra "L". That is all, great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

First, as I mentioned, Jarid's talk with Gunther was spot-on. It showed a lot about his character, which I'm assuming will be important as some kind of authority figure, and his dialogue gave us plenty of information not just on how he views Jarid's position, but what they're expecting his academy time to be like.

No one at this academy cares who you are or where you came from. Anyone who thinks they will be treated differently because they are royalty or peasantry will be sorely disappointed. So don’t come to me or anyone else expecting favoritism but you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it either.


Great impressions, this shows clearly that he has no bias regarding Jarid's background, so even if others do start acting bitter about it, he has someone he can turn to for help. That may be important, considering the other lieutenants were suspicious after his bravery trial.

You are a dragon rider now. Not a peasant or a child. Never back down when the time comes to fight and never hesitate to seek aid from a fellow rider. We are all brothers here.”


And this was a great follow-up, showing that Jarid still has work to do; not just learning how to be a dragon rider, but learning how to get over his own predispositions about these nobles and cooperate with them.

He had always been under the impression girls didn’t fight or ride dragons. He thought they were too weak or easily frightened (another bias he kicked himself for having).


I liked that this added a sense of realism to Jarid and human dynamics in general; it would be easy for a young gentleman like him, especially as someone less familiarized with academy habits, to assume fewer girls would be eager to become dragon-riding combatants. Nevertheless, as you clarified and followed by showing off Airel's determination (and gut-punching ability lol), it shows she'll be just as capable.

All the introductions among the Black Squad really drew my interest! Two familiar faces, and three new ones. I don't know if this was intentional, but I sense a sort of paradox going on here. This group of six (conveniently) is somewhat reminiscent of the dragonets in Wing 2. Though some of the connections are kinda loose...So again, I'm unsure if that was intentional, but I thought it was cool and maybe something that will be played on in the future. It's already making me form theories lol. And of course, despite the similarities, these characters are already offering more unique individual traits, and I can't wait to learn more about them!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this chapter was awesome, and as much as I want to jump immediately into part 2, my schedule is jam-packed today so I will have to come back for it tomorrow. Regardless, nicely done! :)

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Thanks for that spelling correction. I tried not to make the characters too similar to their dragon counterparts but it might take a bit longer to put in additional subtle differences.
So glad you enjoyed.



Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
— Carl Sandburg