*This story is underneath my folder titled “Perdita and Thorne…”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
“And the angel took the cold, starving children in her arms and from then on, they spent their afterlife happily in Heaven.”
Thorne smiled at the angel in the book, happy that she saved the children whose parents died, the children who tried so hard to live on their own but couldn’t do it. The angel had soft, feathery white wings that were surrounded by a golden glow. Her light pink dress bloomed in the wind like a rose and her large, brown eyes were kind like Mommy’s eyes, except Mommy’s eyes were blue.
“The angel seems nice.” Thorne said, wrapping Mommy’s arm around him. It was her who had read him a different bedtime story every night and every night, before she left, he wanted to spend time snuggling with her.
“That’s because all angels are good. They take children to Heaven because children are always good, but when you are an adult, you have to decide if you want to be a good person or a bad one. I know that all of us will go to Heaven because we are all good people.” Mommy said, planting a kiss on his forehead.
Mommy always told Thorne that Heaven was a spring garden filled with singing birds and blue skies. She said that only good people went to Heaven, but she also said “all of us”, which meant that she was talking about the whole family.
“Daddy is going to Heaven too? He’s not nice a lot.”
“He’s just very busy. When people are busy, they have a bit of a harder time being nice. But he’s shown you some of his inventions and you like that.”
“I just wish he didn’t make stuff all the time.”
“He’s very creative, Thorne. He can’t sleep at night until he’s created whatever came to his mind. But he loves you and me very much.”
Mommy didn’t leave yet, but Thorne knew that she would soon. It was almost time for her to go to bed, after all. Her words were as comforting as the angel’s face, like the blanket on his bed. Daddy did like to make a lot of things and Thorne did like seeing his strange creations, but still, deep down, he thought that Daddy could play more. That he could talk to Thorne more.
He didn’t say anything, though. He was too tired to talk about it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Heyo, creeper, let’s continue with this folder, shall we? Violet Victory!
And I remember! This is where she digs the hole because she doesn’t want to be a vampire anymore!
And of course the dialogue formatting has not improved. Why am I not surprised ☹ I really, really do not like that.
Hm I like how the mom explains the dad’s absence. It’s very easy to understand for a child. And Thorne’s reaction also makes perfect sense.
The longing comes across pretty well too! I just feel like maybe you could delve deeper into it. Like in the beginning you say that he’s “happy” but it would be even better if … you used more descriptive language there ^^
Hi!! I've never reviewed any of you works before, so I'm really excited to check it out.
This whole piece has a very whimsical, dreamy sort of feel, and after checking out your profile and the folder, the rest do too. Great job on maintaining that warm, tucked-in childhood memory feel.
I really like how easy this story was to digest, like the sort of thing that may not have a deeper meaning but is nevertheless very pleasant to read. The descriptive writing is nice, but the ending was a little abrupt.
You could work on your structuring for this one a little, but tbh, Thorne is a little kid, and their curious minds tend to wander a lot so from that perspective, this is written quite well.
I reread it a few times to maybe come up with an interpretation or a deeper meaning, and I feel like this has mild theological parallels. Obviously, the Angel is Thorne's mom, but his dad may be allegorically related to God. He's always of inventing/creating new, wondrous things, some of which Thorne (humankind) likes, but the absence/distance of his dad in other situations is unpleasant.
(may be completely off, oh well)
Anyway, really loved this piece. Would love to check out more of your work<333
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this!
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