Hood

Hey, it's marmalade! Here to review your short story!

First, let's do the Grammar!

Everything went silent, as if wildlife had altogether decided it was time to got to sleep even though it was plain morning.

His mouth started twitching when realised it was not there.

He did not dare turn his head to look at his captor, or captors.

He thought again and again, until that voice sounded a second time.

There was so much anger in his voice, fellow driver

almost like a manantial during nighttime

Instead, he just asked “you gon kill me boy?”

Aren't lovable rogues the best type of heroes? All of the goodness of the knight in shining armor, without any of the heavy responsibilities and loyalties to questionable figures of authority. With that being said, even I must admit I'm starting to get tired of this trope. It's the lack of responsibility that does it in for me. He's not like your boring, everyday hero! He's a bad boy! Oh, but that doesn't mean he's, like, morally ambiguous, nor does it mean that any of his actions create so much conflict that you might as well say he's his own villain. Nah, that would make him an interesting character. He has the exact same morality of the ordinary hero, except he does it in a supposedly more interesting way.

Now, with that being said, this isn't a criticism of your work. It's more a criticism of the trope itself, and the pitfalls associated with it--you can't make an infallible main character. Their flaws must actually be relevant flaws and their strengths can't be too overpowered, otherwise they'll seem a bit too perfect (unless, of course, they have another character to balance it out; see the contrast between Batman and Superman). Often authors forget this when it comes to Robin Hood types, because they think being a thief is flaw enough. But no. In this case, being a thief is a strength because nothing serious ever comes of it. Being a bit too overconfident and challenging the biggest man in the bar to a fight is a flaw, but only if you get pummeled afterwards. There are, of course, instances when "perfect flaws" actually work out, but in this case I think you have to be careful when handling that.

Now, with that out of the way. Some notes on your work.

The Beginning

This was quite sparing as a short story, with the sort of ending that makes it feel like a novel chapter, but at the same time satisfying enough for the reader not to ask "What? That's it?" The introduction, though, I felt was off. You started by describing an arrow like a falcon, or an arrow as a falcon? * An interesting comparison, but I think it's a bit ineptly phrased. Something along the lines of "An arrow flew down as swiftly as a hunting falcon" or something of the like. Add an adjective in there, it'll do you some good.

The description of said arrow, as well, was a bit weird. Are you describing it from the horse's perspective? Is that why you felt it necessary to describe it as "the sudden apparition of this wood and iron ornament"? I mean, it's interesting. It's ambitious. It just doesn't fit all that well with the relatively plain language of the text. "The sudden apparition of wood and iron" might work better, but honestly I'd stick with "The horses yanked and stretched as it pierced the ground in front of them." Keep it simple.

Main Criticisms

Besides the stuff I mentioned before:

-Technology and time here feels inconsistent. While you might be using an alternative universe version of Robin Hood, I also noticed how you described things by comparing them to modern technology ** even though the characters are still driving with a carriage, and gems and gold are still used as currency. Also, disregarding that, you also use inconsistent weaponry from those times--correct me if I'm wrong, but maybe the driver couldn't find his bolt action pistol because those weren't invented until 1824, whilst Robin Hood occurred somewhere in the 15th century? I'm no weapons expert, of course. I might be wrong. It would definitely change my view of those times. Still, it all just doesn't sit well with me.

-Like Silv said, there were some parts that seemed clustered together. In particular, I didn't like the description of Robin Hood *** and would prefer it if you took a bit of a pause every now and then.

-The pause thing goes for the dialogue, too. "Thanks for your time sir" is completely different from "Thanks for your time, sir." "Now if you excuse me" sounds different from "Now, if you excuse me." The coma adds more humanity to the dialogue. It flows better in the readers head, and it makes it seem like the author is putting more effort into his words than usual.

Main Praises

-While I'll object to some of your comparisons, I do like a good lot of them. "It was soft, it wasn’t threatening,// it was a voice to the ear as silk to the touch, almost like a bard’s sweet compliments to the ladies." is an example. I'd prefer it if you put a period instead of a coma where // is, but that's just personal preference. The description itself is fitting for the times.

The Highlights

-"An arrow flew down as a hunting falcon." *

Again, as I mentioned. "An arrow flew down as swiftly as a hunting falcon" looks better.

-"as if wildlife had altogether decided it was time to got to sleep even though it was plain morning."

Get, not got.

-"His mouth started twitching when (???) realised it was not there. "

(???): put a 'he' here.

-"It was rusty, almost as if a lion’s roaring had been recorded and played backwards." **

This was the thing I mentioned before. Even though the main characters aren't thinking this, it doesn't feel right to mention modern technology like recorders in a story that looks medieval. It breaks the immersion a bit, and reminds the reader that they're still living in the modern century, when what you're trying to do is convince them for a couple hundred words that they're in another world.

-"That (???) he thought until he saw leash had been cut"

Put a 'was what' where (???) is.

-"Tears slowly dripped down his eyes. The gusts of wind made them so much more cold than he had ever felt before."

Bolded: Weird phrasing. Just say 'colder', it's simpler and doesn't make you look like you're trying to add to your word count.

Italicized: I don't think this part was really necessary. It just disrupts the flow of the sentence, at least to me. "The gusts of wind made them colder than they were supposed to be." Might be a good replacement (?). In any case, it just doesn't sit well with me.

-"There was so much anger in his voice, fellow driver didn’t even need to hear it to know if these thugs didn’t end him his boss would."

There's a lot funky with this sentence, so I'll just rephrase it the way I think it ought to be: "There was so much anger in his voice, the driver didn't even need to hear it to recognize the trouble he was in. If these thugs didn't end him, his boss would."

-"Limp black hair, not long, but just enough to be combed, his eyes the same tone, yet, different from other black eyes, his were deep and clear, almost like a manantial during nighttime, his skin hardened by life, but not dirty and without a single crust, he was a good looking man."***

Again, to rephrase: "Limp black hair; not long, but just enough to be combed. His eyes were similarly dark. Yet, unlike other black eyes, his were deep and clear, like a manantial during nighttime. His skin was hardened by life, but not dirty and without a single crust. He was a good-looking man."

Also, this sentence in particular highlights the problem I addressed in my introduction. He has black eyes like normal people, but they're different. He's hardened by life, but he's not dirty. It all feels like its just taking the middle ground, having its cake and eating it too. Unless that cake is poisonous, that's generally looked down upon. If you were to say, instead, "His skin was hardened by life, dirty and red in places, but it didn't detract from the intensity of his eyes," that might've been more forgivable. It feels more real, as its an acknowledgment that the character actually is affected by the world around him.

And that's it for now. Nice job. Hope I helped with some things.

--Elliot.

Man, this is amazing. I love how you used such descriptive words and plenty of detail. I love the idea of this and I hope you continue writing more work like this. Thank you for writing this thrilling piece of work. It really caught my eye and I know that this was your very first poem of this genre, but it is as if it was written by a professional. I fell like I am reading an actual authors work.

Robin Hood stories are good and gripping till the end, and this piece of work did the same.
This was good

Hey, Zackymas! Robin Hood is an ancient story, and interpreted countless times since it came out, but, as far as that goes, this didn't turn out half bad. Nicely done! The descriptions of this story are rich and diverse, and your sense of comparisons and figurative language is nice. I love how you build the scene in question through your sense of narrative and characters. Everything is clear and vivid here, from the quietened wildlife to the panic of the driver as he faces what he assumes is oncoming mortality (which turned out to be a dramatic and well-written component of the story), and I can envision everything that's going on. The driver, in particular, came across as a complex character, given his motivations and concerns while having to deal with a frustrating job. And then, of course, he thinks he's going to die, which was something you covered particularly well, such as when it came to his panic and then his dissipating concern. Personally, it would've been interesting to see the personality of the man in the carriage, as the few descriptions that you did provide - their anger and voice - made me incredibly curious as to their identity. Nevertheless, I was quite pleased to see this antagonist, though I knew not their intents or motives, beaten by the protagonist, who came across as a quirky and complex individual.

On the other hand, I must admit that this story did have its flaws. I wouldn't exactly describe an arrow as an ornament, for instance. Too, I'm surprised the man didn't go faster and try to escape, although the person in the carriage probably would've thrown a fit or something. Or perhaps not, given that the person was upset that they had stopped. There were also a few points in the story in which the narrative was interrupted or became choppy. In general, you seemed to struggle with sentence composition. Mainly, as it applies to breaking apart different ideas. Mostly, you did fine, but I had trouble with "but in the moment the leather strip waved back down, a glint of light shined in the driver’s eyes, he was confused." That last part should be its own sentence, as it can stand as its own sentence, or perhaps be separated from the rest of the sentence with a semicolon. Either way, as a fully-functioning independent clause, it should not be separated by simply a comma. Either a comma and a subjunctive conjunction (and, or, but, yet...) would do. On another note, "There was so much anger in his voice, fellow driver..." was also a little odd, as I can only identify a single driver. I guess my greatest complaint had to be the description of the Robin Hood-esque character, because wow, that was loooong. You jumped between different descriptions of his appearance that probably could've stood as sentences on their own (like how his eyes look, and his skin, and so forth), and that made up most of the paragraph. I'd definitely suggest breaking that up so it comes across as less excessively choppy. Also, this guy clearly has seen and done a lot, so why is he referred to as a kid?

Yet, all in all, this turned out to be a solid story. Nice job! It was a nicely written piece, and the way you conveyed the setting and environment was fantastic. I like the quirkiness of the story as the Hood guy comes into play ("Holy foxes of the forest" is stuck in my mind for some reason now. XD), as you manage to incorporate a dashing individual while maintaining the seriousness of the story. The end was also fantastic, and a nice conclusion to the story. In conclusion, great job! Thanks for publishing this piece!