The Night's Game.

Hey, finally I have found the time to review this piece.

So overall I liked it, and your descriptive language is very nice. Perhaps at times though it's a bit too descriptive, and what's known as 'purple'.

This line did confuse me and after a few reads I'm still puzzled by it...

"Hera's veil of black does blanket the skies."

I like this line a lot...

"Contours distinguished, phantom figures dancing"

Another line that confuses me...

"Eternal murmur, promises yet to keep to those kept."

What eternal murmur are you referring to? And who is kept, and being promised to be kept? Kept what?

I like this line too...

"infernal ticking, a soundless clock heard by deaf ears."

But is the ticking infernal? Exactly how are you trying to use this adjective, relating to the underworld and hell, or being irritating and tiresome, or both? It's unclear to me.

I like this:

"Frost bitten winds seek warmth; a serpent of glacial ice."

But the second half is either a waste of space or its not in the right place. It just doesn't connect at all with the first sentence.
Is the wind ice? I understand the 'serpent' reference is it's the wind's movement, in some instances, but where is this serpent wind seeking warmth from, and also glacial and ice are basically the same thing, it seems repetitive.

And I'm pretty sure you have used the semicolon incorrectly. I'm almost positive its used to separate two 'sentences', and the second has to have pertinent relevance to the first.
I think it has pertinent relevance, in a sense, but its not a sentence its a phrase.

I'm unsure how to explain what I'm about to explain haha, but I can sense something 'off' with the voice you're using. I haven't noticed any tense slips, but either your switching between passive and active voice, or its just too many adjectives that's throwing me off, I'm not sure.
Here is what I'm talking about...

"At last does light sear away tainted shadow,"

At last light sears away tainted shadow... this is still present tense, but I've used one verb instead of two, as 'sears' is doing (verb) and 'does' is insinuating that 'last' does something. I hope you get what I'm talking about. I can be so confusing lately.

Oh here's a tense slip...

"shades vanished before the sun, caterwaul of ire."

vanished? that's past tense. You mean to have, vanish or vanishes, depending on how you word the sentence. And shades? I don't understand the plural. I would if shade were separate entities but its not, its like the sun, one entity of light. You wouldn't say, 'suns vanish beneath the shade... would you?

'Shade vanishes beneath the sun, caterwaul of ire.'

That makes more sense in my opinion.

Some more critique, hope you don't mind. I'm almost done.

"Upon yellowed grass lie the cadaver of a fool,
ensnared within the dead's embrace; the night has yet to lose."

The last line here trips me, and I'm unsure about a few things...
So the fool is dead, that's made obvious by 'cadaver' and 'dead's' ...?
Dead is an adjective to describe someone no longer living, or, noun - those dead, or an adverb, meaning absolutely (for instance: dead serious = absolutely serious).

I know you don't mean it's the 'absolutely embrace', but it could be death itself you mean, in which case its repetitive, or its as noun, in which case others who are dead, perhaps in a spiritual form, are embracing this fool and rendered him/her too dead. I can't tell what you mean.

I think you might simply just have the tense wrong and you mean, death's embrace, as a state of being dead, which would then confirm 'cadaver' being a lifeless corpse, but still I think is repetitive anyway.

Wow I think i rambled a lot. I'm so sorry. I hope you understand my explanation of some of the confusion I faced with this piece. I think you write nice flowery prose but, maybe at times it's a little too much complexity. I reckon if you omitted maybe 1/3 even of the adjectives it'd tighten this poem up more.

Imagery-wise, it was at times hard to visualize exactly what you intended to be visualized because of a lot of confusion as to what exactly you meant in certain places.

But overall I think its got a nice flow, and a dark little narrative going on, which is nice. I liked it a lot, despite those confusing places. When I seemed to get into the imaginary this is set, I kept getting jolted out because I was like, huh? So anyway, I tried to be thorough for you. Hope it doesn't seem harsh.

Hope its helpful, and maybe some of what I pointed out will help you identify something that needs to be worked on.

Wow this is a great poem! When I was reading it, I was reminded of greek tragedy verses (the writing style and the greek deity additions) and simultaneously of Edgar Allen Poe. This poem has a whimsical, dark feeling to it that makes the reader, me, feel as if the dark is pulling me in a magical yet tragic way.
The only problem I had with it was the almost (not quite) excessive use of big words. As a writer, I am a lover of big words and had no trouble "translating" them if you will but others might. There is nothing more annoying than having to look up words in the dictionary in the middle of a poem: it interrupts the mood you set and the flow of the poem. I really do enjoy your wordage and do not think you should change a thing. It is always better to believe your audience is at least as smart as you then have to dumb down your writing.
In conclusion, I just wanted to say I really did enjoy this work and was greatly impressed by the mood and voice you have set. As I said before, it is tragic, dark, magical, and pulling. I loved it!