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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Wow! This was wonderful!
Really loved the topic, a great thing to write a poem about. The imagery was amazing, this stanza
really made me imagine the fox slinking through the grass, so well done.
Only this part
felt a little....I don't know, not quite awkward, but not quite right. I'm not too sure, actually. Just something to draw your attention to in case you decide to rewrite that phrase, but it's not absolutely necessary.
Just some stuff other people have pointed out about this - "harbouring" doesn't need to be "harboring" (but you probably already know that) because spellings differ across the globe. Also I don't think a comma is needed between "slender" and "red". It's amazing the way it is! Awesome job
Hello WrittenInStone!
Alright! To start nice piece you have here! You have some really nice, flowing line here. It's exciting! My only suggestion is use personal pronouns! I feel like the only ones you used was the beast. Try creative things! Not just It and things like that.
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Here the beast cry was released, or its prey? Also if it is from the beast catching the prey I want to know how! Tell me more, explain the attack or the grab!
Nice piece just to sum up my review, add more!
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
Really well done, very detailed I like it. It's a bit overdone; many poems are done about hunting, or catching it's pray, or whatever. But I do like it. One thing- "Deep within the thicket of trees," You should change thicket to thickest. On-less thicket is one of those words that I have no idea what it means. Then keep it and whatever. Anyways, great job.
-Little LIon Woman
I really like your rhyme scheme because it sounds very natural and unstressed. Probably the only line that doesn't sound right is "time seeming to slow". Part of the issue is that the line has too many syllables in comparison to the rest of the poem's flow and detracts from its otherwise great natural rhythm.
But apart from that thing I thought that the poem was effective because of the contrast between the image of the stealthy fox at the beginning and the fox clad with 'mighty jaws' at the end. This poem reminds me a lot of old english poetry about hunting because it has an old fashioned style of rhyming.
Well done with this piece!