People standing. Holding hands. Men, women. Children. Young and naive. Beautiful. Innocent.
A warm wind brushes their faces, consoling their wondering hearts. Hearts that can no longer understand, can no longer comprehend the evil that destroys ones they have yet to love. They, too, used to be part of the world, but no longer.
With their absence came innocence.
A girl turns her head, horrified. "So they really think they're helping," she whispers. "They really think that killing is right?" She looks up, tears in her eyes, questioning.
"Yes," comes the deep reply. A moment's pause, and then, shakily, "Yes, my dear. They really do."
She looks back down, and a salty droplet stains her cheek. A hand, strong and brown, brushes it away. "But... they’re taking lives that have not even felt the joy of breathing! They’re killing them!” Her lip trembles. Her chest heaves.
A sob, echoing from the throat of the one who tried to comfort her. “I know. But I cannot stop them. They have chosen to do this; and I allow them that choice.”
“Oh, Maker,” cries another. “They strip those souls of the flesh you have given them… they are taking away your gift before it may even be embraced…” The man covers his face with his hands. No longer can he watch such evil.
“Oh, my beloved,” sighs the warm voice. “Like you, the young victims shall dance in Paradise this day. Welcome them, oh welcome them back to my Kingdom.”
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140,253 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
Hey there!
Like the previous reviewer, I like how short this is but still straight to the point. There's a good mix of everything to get into the story. As for anything I find odd, it may just be me, but aren't the some lines here containing double spaces rather than a single space? It looks wide on my screen for some reason, but it may just be mine. Just in case, you might want to check up on that. I also agree with Perks, I think you can combine the beginning - it seemed a bit choppy to read. That'd just be a quick edit, but like what she said, it's up to you if you want to change that.
Technical things aside, you've got quite a powerful message going here - about how some people don't give chances to those yet to be born. While it really is disturbing, for me at least, I suppose I do understand, or assume, why some resort to such practice. As far as I've heard, a reason may be that they may not ready or that they won't be able to give the child much of a happy life. Seeing it from that point, I suppose there's a good intention behind the action - who wants to raise someone only to see them sad? Still though, I agree how it's a sad reality in our society today.
Overall, I like this piece, it's written well. Cheers! Keep writing!
Wow... This was really interesting to read. I liked the shortness of it, and the feelings that you incorporated into it were really pronounced. I have a feeling I know what you have been alluding to... Abortions, right? I have to agree with the characters, the angels, as well. It is really sad every time a baby, not yet born, is killed, without a chance in the world.
I like the combination of dialogue, and short sentences, but I think at the beginning, you can combine those sentences like this:
"People standing and holding hands, while the men, women, and children were all young, naive, beautiful, and innocent."
But, you don't have to change anything! It is great as it is!
All in all, I really liked your short story.
Thanks for writing, have a great day!
Love,
Perks