When day loosens its grip on land, and night's soothing blackness crawls across the earth...
Then dreams are born.
They take to the sky on eagles' wings, and soar like shooting stars.
In the map of the mind, behind the lids of closed eyes, glimmer sparks of an image.
A faraway land.
A new world forming in the dawn of the black of night.
Stretching beyond the scope of any reality, lies the thing that makes the unseen seen.
Each night, grand adventures are lived in these unearthly lands, where anything, everything, can happen.
For the breadth of a night, while the stars hang loosely in their velvet canopy, a thousand lives are lived and a thousand deaths are died.
And then day returns...
And as night relinquishes her gentle embrace, so does that land fade into dust. Its green pastures crumble away, its lakes evaporate into oblivion.
And our hearts cry out in dismay.
We awaken.
We forget.
Yet somewhere, deep inside, a piece of our souls remember. It whispers to us, to our minds. And somewhere deep inside we know.
We know that in lands far away, we lived as princes and princesses. We lived adventures, in worlds beyond our vision.
We know, and we wait for night to come again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
You painted such a vivid picture in my mind! "The green pastures crumble away" "the stars hang loosely from their velvet canopy". Those are very strong images. I am definitely a fan, thanks for sharing!
This poem is great and really relatable! I remember my dreams normally and it kind of bothers me when I can't remember them.
There is one part that felt kind of weird when I read it: deaths are died. It's just sounds a bit out of place. I do love this poem though, because it is totally relatable as good poems should be. Keep it up!
wow this is incredible, i never remember my dreams so i can relate to this completely!
Very good!
Wow. This is really good! You literally took my imagination on journey to the land of your dreams. I like the word formatting, shape and such. Your language fit the piece beautifully! I almost slid right through it, because it's such an easy read!
Sorry!
I've always thought it would be a good setting for a book, however. Anyways, before I get too off topic....
Unfortunately, there are a couple things I would have you look at again. In the beginning you were of the a great start, but at the end of the first line, "When day loosens its grip on land, and night's soothing blackness crawls across the earth..." you added the dots. I don't know why but they seem to throw off your rhythm. Whether you do something about it or not is entirely up to you.
"In the map of the mind, behind the lids of closed eyes, glimmer sparks of an image." I don't really understand the last part, "glimmer sparks of an image." Could you explain that? Or I shall just leave it the imagination, if you wish.
One last thing... "a thousand lives are lived and a thousand deaths are died." I don't know how you would fix this, or even if there is anything wrong with it. I just know that "died" sounds strange to me. Heheh, I'm not being very helpful, but I really do not know how to help you on this one.
Very good job! I could relate to this, as I have a place that comes back to me in dreams as well. Unfortunately, I couldn't explain it like this if I tried.
Hope to read more from you soon!
Cheers!