Last Sunday evening, my friend and I had
A peculiar discussion, which made us both mad.
It started quite simply, as soon you will see,
But it carried much weight, I'm sure you'll agree.
It began when I said, "For which team do you cheer?"
"Of football?" he asked, and said with a sneer,
"The Broncos, of course, no question about it,
They're the best team ever, don't tell me you doubt it!"
"No, they aren't!" I snapped back, with a shake of my head,
"The Saints are the champs, they'll soon be ahead!"
"They've lost four games!" he protested in pride.
"Just you wait," I returned, "They'll take the Broncos in stride!"
We bantered and quibbled, all night and all day,
The discussion went nowhere, neither would sway,
Until we decided, with reluctant agreement,
To fortify a truce-- quite long over-needed.
You may disagree with our team choices here
You've got your own favorite, I can't interfere,
Be the Steelers, the Seahawks, the Redskins, the Packers,
I wish you all luck, may they win from here after!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,774 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi there WritingforHim99! Niteowl here to leave a quick review on this wonderful poem.
So overall, I have to agree with Audy. A lot of people who try their hand at rhyming tend to focus only on the end rhymes and put less focus on the rhythm, which leads to really awkward-sounding poems. For the most part, this has an excellent rhythm and it flows very well.
One small piece I would fix is this couplet
The rhythm is okay, but the language feels a little stilted compared to the rest of the piece. Sadly, I don't have any suggestions off the top of my head, but see if you can't make it a little smoother.
Overall, this is a solid humorous piece. Keep writing!
WritingForHim!
Now that I've got that out of my system....
I really appreciate the work you did here, there is a sense that much attention was paid in the rhythm and flow of the words and I like seeing that. Too often, rhyming becomes an exercise in forcing in words to the end-line, and I can tell that was not the case here. This is smooth, it's quirky, it's definitely cute, and I like the play of nursery-rhyme rhythm with sports fanaticism. The tension between the soft and melodic with the beer nuts and helmet bashing, it's ironic, and also pleasurable xD
Plus, like, props to the title. Quibble was a great choice there, and I like how it opens up a conversation with the question too. Keep writing some poetry, you've got an ear for it!
~ as always, Audy
thanks for the review! (Even if you are a Seahawks fan!)
This is nicely written. It shows that you are a football fan (I guess I'm not wrong)
The funny part is, I don't know any team you have mentioned above.
Very funny, how awkward for me!
but when it comes to writing and the jingle, I have to admit, it is wonderful.
Thank you 'cause just now i got a plan writing something like you.
And finally, it was very good to read it
Thanks!!
I'm glad it inspired you.
Hee hee I'm more of a college football fan
I'll review this later; well done!