Heartbeats low and steady
Hand held tense and ready
Aching, gripping
The bow.
Wind swirling about me
Whispering around me
Saying, "Don't you ever
Let go."
Shadows in the distance
A hammering insistance
Death, coming close
To my home.
We have an army waiting
Our courage is not fainting
Reaching, I pluck
My weapon.
I fit it on the string,
My fingers tightening
All hail! The battle horn
Is blown.
We raise our arms as one,
The noise around we shun
Pull back, and then
Let go.
Arrows 'round me fly
Arching in the sky
Only to protect
Our home.
The army is still coming
Their cry, a dreadful humming
Silently, we draw
Another round.
Pull back and then release,
How long until there's peace?
I pray, please end
This war.
Hello!
I really loved this poem! The title of it was perfect! I love how in the end the soldier just wants peace, and for the war to end. This is a serious poem, and normally I don't like seriousness, but this is a realistic seriousness. I loved it! Keep Writing!
-SnazzyPencil
I really like this poem. I love when poems are full of adventure and tell a story, like this one.
Nitpicks
Heartbeats low and steady
Hand held tense and ready
Aching, gripping
The bow.
Wind swirling about me
Whispering around me
We have an army waiting
Our courage is not fainting
Arrows 'round me fly
Arching in the sky
We raise our arms as one
I really liked that poem! It was very interesting that you chose to have the narrator impersonate the archer. What made you choose to do that? If you're looking for something dark and bittersweet, by the way, you should check out my piece called Afterlife. It's in the Supernatural section. Just thought you'd like to know...
This poem is enthralling...
It just flowed through my mind in amazing grace, and I held my breath till the very end, anticipating what would come next...
Your descriptions were very apt and I could imagine myself as an archer at the foot of war, which is a great thing.
Keep writing!
This is surprising! How come nobody checked this epic poem? It's sad that I'm just the third person who'll be reading it (I assume most didn't look at it). This is sad and disappointing! But hang on, your poem is absolutely epic!
So I have some good points for you and some nitpicks!
Good Points
Like the previous reviewer said, you have a very good flow throughout the poem. It's quite rare occasion where the flow is fabulous but the rhyme ain't working. I think I'm really fascinated by anything that has to do with wars and that's the reason your poem worked quite well for me.
My favourite line:
I have not one but two favourites
We raise our arms as one,
The noise around we shun
I fit it on the string,
My fingers tightening
This was wonderful!
The flow was good throughout this.
The rhyming was good, but I did think that it wasn't consistent enough.
There were several instances where I was expecting a proper rhyming word, only to find one that seemed forced, rather than willingly put.
I loved the arrows in the sky bit.
Overall this was a very good poem.
Hassan.
Awesome piece ! I love the way you put some romance in a very sad poem. It has a beauty surrounding it and I think the hunter's language ( thats what I call it ) has a specially enhancing feeling to this battle cry poetry !! 
120,205 Literary Works • 649,072 Reviews
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Reviews: 377
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