Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » Realistic

12+ Language

christmas woz dead dis year

by WWombat


dear mum n dad,

u didnt get me no iphon or a car fam. i couldve been cruisin on xmas mornin in my ferrari bt all i got woz a bike. u say its eco-frendely bt i beg to difa. anyway i look so dead. wit dat ferrari mandem will be an ontripanour in no time. man will be disrespectued by da h8ers. tis anoyin. u ruined my life. u may be like peng, wot bout dem poor kidz without food n water'n i say but mum i aint got an iphon or a car fam. dats the issue. till den mans life is uncomplete. i h8 u fam.

-pengtingking

ps ur moist


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 428
Reviews: 14

Donate
Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:46 am
cupcakenx says...



ps ur moist

the only quote that matters




User avatar
409 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 409

Donate
Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:05 am
Willard wrote a review...



Hey, The ever consistent pengtingking. I have a review for you!
Strange here and I loved this. You captured the anger of the average. I do also want to be riding in a Ferrari. First world problems, huh? My favorite part of this fantastic story is the ending part.
"ps ur moist"
Just wow, powerful! Quick side note, this also reminds me of Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. This type of grammar
Overall, amazing
Strange gives you...
You're amazing pengtingking. You should be a Greek god.
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend *Hair flips*
Paint the roses red, my dear




User avatar
620 Reviews


Points: 10425
Reviews: 620

Donate
Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:30 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



Horrendous found this funny, but I didn't. Particularly the part about the kids who need food and water. That is a very real sad thing that is going on, and I don't think it is right to make fun of them. Whether or not you were meaning that in real life, I don't think you should have written that. Also, I know all these mistakes and everything are on purpose, and I know this is the way you write. But if you actually wrote something that had a meaning to it, I think people would be less harsh on you, and more willing to be kind to your work. Personally, I don't even know why you write like this, and what pleasure you get out of it, but I just think YWS isn't right for you.




User avatar
42 Reviews


Points: 269
Reviews: 42

Donate
Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:02 pm
horrendous wrote a review...



i don't know whether you're just messing around or actually trying to make a point with this, but it had me laughing. even if didn't intend any sort of message or meaning to this, it made me laugh and you get points.

i won't even go into all the technical mistakes you made because they were obviously intentional. not much to say about this piece - to me its a meaningless laugh, which is fine.




User avatar
183 Reviews


Points: 1810
Reviews: 183

Donate
Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:25 pm
ConverseFireGirl wrote a review...



Hey there, Converse here for a review.
First of all, I apologise, but I don't quite get the meaning of this piece of writing. I'd suggest you add more of a meaning behind what your narrator is writing. Give them more of a character, and personality, otherwise it just seems like a meaningless letter to no one.
I didn't understand the point or the relevance to the "ps" part of this letter either, so perhaps make it more clear.
Also, if you want a good story/letter/poem, presentation plays a HUGE part in making it good. I strongly advise that you correct all the spellings in here and make this have more of a point. That would appeal more to a reader, and more importantly, a reviewer. So I'd suggest you start to work a lot more on grammar and spelling and meaning. Try writing some poetry, if there's a nice view or sky or anything, just think what it looks like and write it down. Get it?
Sorry if this was a bad review, but there's a lot of space for improvement and I believe you can produce good work with some time and care. Feel free to message me if you need any help, and I'll try my best.
-CFG




User avatar
530 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 530

Donate
Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:25 pm
View Likes
Renard wrote a review...



Hello!

I am here to review another of your 'unique' works.

dear mum n dad, - it should have a capital 'D' for Dear, 'n' should and, I imagine.

This work should come with a warning for lack of capitalisation. I won't pick on individual points because the work is riddled with it. Interesting style choice, I must add.

u didnt get me no iphon or a car fam. - Obviously you are dealing with a key issue here.
i couldve been cruisin on xmas mornin in my ferrari bt all i got woz a bike. - you spelt 'but' wrong and was. And a lot of other words. Um... I don't know how old you are (doubts you're 99) but having a Ferrari is obviously important to you.

u say its eco-frendely bt i beg to difa. - I am surprised you wish to comment on such issues as being 'green' so to speak. Again the spelling is off, and I also noted that you disagree with the point of being eco-friendly in the first place. Intriguing standpoint.

anyway i look so dead. - I do not understand this line. But if you are having skin hydration problems drink more water and ensure to get a decent night's sleep. :D

wit dat ferrari mandem will be an ontripanour in no time. - it is nice to see someone with an aim to make it into business. But I don't think you need a Ferrari to become an entrepreneur, or if you do, it could come after.

man will be disrespectued by da h8ers. - WHAT?! XD

tis anoyin.- Yes I agree, this language style can be very frustrating at times. Well... all da time. ;)

u ruined my life. - I think this is called: dramatic exaggeration.

u may be like peng, wot bout dem poor kidz without food n water'n i say but mum i aint got an iphon or a car fam. dats the issue. till den mans life is uncomplete. i h8 u fam. - to compare yourself to the children of the world is a bit of a stretch. Errr... I don't quite... well. :)

-pengtingking

ps ur moist - This is irrelevant.

I think your writing is improving and you are touching on larger scale issues now within your work.
Obviously your technical aspects need some revision, but this will come with time and practice.
As I have come to understand that your works are an acquired taste.

Keep writing blad.

:D




deleted5 says...


Bloodlinks sarcastic reviewing style XD



NightWolf says...


It's pretty awesome, isn't it? @AlexSushiDog




My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew