Hello Pentingking.
I'm not sure about what experience you've had with poetry, but as Deadman has pointed out this is not your usual poetry format.
Maybe you had some reason for formatting it the way you did. But if that is true you need to make that clear to the reader. If you don't then any reader without experience in poetry will think you just haven't a clue what you're doing. Which I'm sure isn't true.
Poems should have line breaks, and usually stanzas. So instead of just writing out like a paragraph how you have it hear, try something like this...
"Finally mandems got dat piffy car
wich mam n dada pwomied moi at xmas
but baled out at da lrst min."
I think you had a nice idea behind this poem. But your dialect takes away from it. My best guess would be you're trying for a overly exaggerated southern accent, which you did just a little too well. The accent is so strong that I can hardly understand what you're saying in a few places. I can understand the benefit of using dialect in some places. But you really have to be careful because it is extremely easy for it to become distracting, which will eventually lead to annoying the reader.
Usually I would recommend only using dialect when 1) it is very slight, or 2) it is used humorously. When I say "humorously" I do not mean making fun of the dialect. I think the best way to explain what I mean is just to give an example. I'm going to use my sister @Rainn poem Catch 'Em Quick!. She used a Cajun accent, but she didn't smother the poem in it, and the poem was something which would put a smile on your face (or make you laugh).
If you're looking to learn more about dialect and it's use in writing I would highly recommend you read Dialogue by Lewis Turco.
I think you could have a really cool poem here! It's just those two things that need changing.
Happy writing!
~WW
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