The fortune cookie said I was your guiding star.
Ironic because we were fighting.
So I laughed at the bitter sweetness.
Was that bad?
.
I’m not usually superstitious,
but I believed that one.
Though I don’t want it to be true.
It was sweet, but I’m not your guide.
So let’s not take it seriously.
.
“You are his guiding star”.
That’s exactly what it said.
And its been stuck in my head since.
Such a poetic line,
that I can’t, and won’t, forget it.
.
It’s not that I don’t love you,
and it’s not like I don’t think you’re the one.
It’s just that I don’t think I’m the one,
for you.
.
So I hope you can understand.
I love you, too.
However, we’re bad for each other.
That’s what the fortune cookie should have told me.
We’re not helping each other’s sanity,
although that doesn’t discourage me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Based on the title and first line, I truly didn't thing that I was going to like this poem, call me a bit prejudiced. But I really did like it, and I agree it was a bit unnecessarily prolonged, but it expressed so much without out really revealing too much about the characters at all. It was wonderfully written.
Thank you, I'm glad my wrds could make you change your mind.
I actually really like this. It doesn't go into detail on why the two of them are bad for each other, but it's written in a way that it doesn't matter. It reads like a breakup, at least until the last line where I'm not sure if the narrator is not being discourage by the breakup, or not being discouraged by the fact that they are wrong for each other, and going to try continuing the relationship. I like that ambiguity, assuming it was intentional.
Thanks
It was surprisingly well thought out if a bit prolonged. I think it could do with being just slightly shorter, as some of the verses were copies of others. The writing itself has no flaws though, and that's great. Most poems can throw you off by not adding the proper punctuation, such as not having a comma or period in the correct place, but this one managed.
I would recommend shortening it, and making it flow just a bit easier.
Thanks