Young Writers Society

Hey there Vivian!
I actually really enjoyed this! The length isn't bad at all.
You mentioned in the description it was for a comic you were working on? I'm pretty interested now xD Let me know if you ever post it anywhere; I'd be happy to read it.
So, on to the review...
There was a LOT of power in this piece; I absorbed myself into it pretty quickly and was able to follow along easily without many hiccups or break in 'flow'.
The meaning behind it is wonderful--I couldn't help but wonder what you comic was about while reading it, though xD --and you use some pretty good diction and rhythm to back it up.
I don't have very many nitpicks...
One of the only things that really bothered me was the 'Who knows' phrase towards the end of the song. It seemed like you didn't use it at all in the beginning, and then it sort of washed over me towards the end. I don't know; some songs build up the use of a word or phrase over time, so that could have been intentional. It's up to you.
Finally, I wanted to ask what sort of tune you had in mind when writing this? I kept trying to grasp what sort of genre would fit it, and I kept coming back to either pop rock, rock in general, or some sort of techno-type song... that could just be from the music I was playing while reading, though xD
A last thing I wanted to say was that when you broke 'aftermath' into two pieces and put 'math' in the next line by itself, it gave me the good sort of shivers, like when you listen to a really beautiful song. So that was interesting!
Anyways, you did a great job with this! I really enjoyed reading it
Keep writing! ~

Hello there Vivian! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work! First off let me just say that I am not a very good reviewer, my mind doesn't pick out to many details, and on top of that this is only my second review since my long break from reviewing. I might be a little rusty

Your song was very well written, first off I would just like to mention. You have great talent, and I am sure with a bit of help you will be great! Your work personally touched my heart and mind. I know exactly of the struggle of people thinking you are never going to make it, it is something I fight with often. The trick is never to give up, don't give into them because as the old country saying goes - "The people who say you can't and you won't are the ones who are afraid you WILL"
Your song was very inspiring to me, and I truly hope someday that I will hear it over the radio. It would be a lot better than the cr@p you hear on the radio today.

A suggestion I have for you - #1 In some places your work was a bit off and didn't flow as well. I suggest you read through it, out loud, and find those places and see if you can substitute some of the words in for more colorful words.

Over all this song was really great and I enjoyed it immensely, it spoke in volumes and had a very strong spirit...something I love seeing in work. I related to it easily, which makes it all the better. It is said that most people listen to songs with lyrics they can relate to =)

Thank you for sharing your work! All the best, mo chara!

~Selina

P.S. "Mo chara" means "my friend" in the Gaelic language <3

I really like this! The writing style seemed a little 'off' in parts, but then I forgot about that because it's mostly great.
I think this could come right before the actual story in a novel--you know, like an epigraph? (I think that's what it's called...sorry if it's not).
To reply to your reply, if that makes sense: I don't know how it seemed off, but it wasn't that bad, in any case. I'm not thinking of pro-or epilogues. I'm talking about the thing that comes near the title page and is usually in italics? I'm not even sure now.