Young Writers Society

Awesome lyrics. Free at last, right? Who doesn't want their own freedom of self? I love it. I apologize if my review isn't very constructive, but I wasn't able to find anything particularly wrong with this piece. It speaks to me because I feel like this a lot of the time. Well done my friend. I hope you keep writing more lyrics. -IceWinifredd

Hello, priceofwords here!

Wow, this is the first lyrical piece of work I've read on this site and I have to say it is really good. As DeepCrystal said, it could definitely be used as a heavy metal song. Although, I'm no musician, but I believe you could put that song to any genre of music and it would still sound amazing. Not many people can pull off lyrics that are that versatile, so congrats for that.

One of your lines that I particularly liked was, 'Because from my cage I'll be free.' The way you worded the sentence there was really nice and really gives the song an extra edge when you see other lines just like it within it. It's also really relatable, because a lot of teenagers feel as though they are trapped in a cage and are waiting to spring free. I think a lot of people would like this song if it was recorded.

I also liked the lines, The screams inside of me

The screams inside of me!

The repetition of this line makes the words resonate more inside us, helping us to understand the key message behind the song that little bit more. The levels of frustration you managed to channel into these lines also added to the song's emotive content, and I felt myself both experiencing and empathising with the feelings the narrator was having, as well as what they are going through. Because lets face it; you're not a teenager unless you've been through some rough patches.
Your spelling, punctuation and grammar were spot on, so I have nothing to say here.

One of the ways you could improve this just that tiny bit more is by changing the line, 'I’ll take the world by storm.' It's just a little bit too cliché. If you want to keep it that way then fair enough, because really, it's fine as it is, unless you want to be a super duper perfectionist.

But overall, your song was great, and I can't even begin to imagine how awesome it's going to sound when put to music!

Keep writing!
priceofwords

Hello, priceofwords here!

Wow, this is the first lyrical piece of work I've read on this site and I have to say it is really good. As DeepCrystal said, it could definitely be used as a heavy metal song. Although, I'm no musician, but I believe you could put that song to any genre of music and it would still sound amazing. Not many people can pull off lyrics that are that versatile, so congrats for that.

One of your lines that I particularly liked was, 'Because from my cage I'll be free.' The way you worded the sentence there was really nice and really gives the song an extra edge when you see other lines just like it within it. It's also really relatable, because a lot of teenagers feel as though they are trapped in a cage and are waiting to spring free. I think a lot of people would like this song if it was recorded.

I also liked the lines, The screams inside of me

The screams inside of me!

The repetition of this line makes the words resonate more inside us, helping us to understand the key message behind the song that little bit more. The levels of frustration you managed to channel into these lines also added to the song's emotive content, and I felt myself both experiencing and empathising with the feelings the narrator was having, as well as what they are going through. Because lets face it; you're not a teenager unless you've been through some rough patches.
Your spelling, punctuation and grammar were spot on, so I have nothing to say here.

One of the ways you could improve this just that tiny bit more is by changing the line, 'I’ll take the world by storm.' It's just a little bit too cliché. If you want to keep it that way then fair enough, because really, it's fine as it is, unless you want to be a super duper perfectionist.

But overall, your song was great, and I can't even begin to imagine how awesome it's going to sound when put to music!

Keep writing!
priceofwords

Free at last! Free at last!! Free at effing last!!! That was epic. Forgive me if you had a different idea, but this sounded like a melodic death metal song that could be played by Amon Amarth from their Twilight of the Thunder God album. (very epic album) In fact I enjoyed this so much, I would like to know what instrumentation you had in mind.

Now about the song itself, what I was beginning to get out of it was a person, like a teenager perhaps, hidden behind a shell that could have been the result of peer pressure or simply fear who is making it utterly clear that she is ready to come out and reveal what kind of person she really is. I really like that in a person and in character development.

The only thing I have to say critically was that where you said "because..." three times...that just through me off of what I felt was a steady beat through the rest of the song. I totally see what you were trying to accomplish, but the repetition did not seem to flow with the rest of the song. Just my opinion, but still, I really enjoyed this batch of lyricism.