BY: Paradox(KMB)
It is Summer.
But I am still expecting snow
And every taunt from my mind annoys me.
Bringing my high hopes down.
I do not expect the sun in Winter,
Or flowers in Autumn,
Nor yellow and orange leaves in Spring.
So why Snow? In Summer of all things.
It's an extremely hot July
And snow in July is especially hard.
That's what I was told at least.
It's impossible.
My dreams don't know that.
Someone should let them know,
That snow in July is implausible,
That it's summer.
My dreams, they trick me.
I always wake, climb down my ladder
And go to the window.
In wonder and amazement I stare,
My face and palms pressed against the cold window.
Falling from the sky and covering everything,
(The cars, the trees, the homes)
Is wonderful, beautiful SNOW!
But a few scenes later,
When I wake up for real,
I hurry to the window, only to see
That. There. Is. No. Snow.
You can see my disappointment, can't you?
My dreams are so full of trickery.
It happens again and again.
Like a fool, I believe.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Nice work. I love narrations on the craniums power and enigma. Ive been doing a bit of subconscious related work myself. So I liked the echo. The writing tells of how reality can be falsified by your duller half. It explains how the subconscious iis just the supplier of feedback, amd you are left to sort out whats real and whats fiction. It can even amke the skeptical you take on a whole different personality
Howevr I think you could benefit frim going through and losening some of the joints as the paragraphhd sometimes seem disjointed. Your grammer is handled well. Keep thinking and good luck.
This poem is basically what I want. Snow. But as it says, there is no snow in July.
I love how you talk about how your dreams trick you into believing it's snowing. Because dreams do that. They seem so real and make you think it's real. So when something awesome happens in a dream you wake up very disappointed. And the way you format the last part makes it stand out. You believe your dreams and they lie to you. But it happens again and again.
Love this poem!
-M.P. Tigers
Hey Vivian! Thewriter13 here to give you a review.
)
I like this whole idea of winter in July. It would be a nice feeling, wouldn't it?
Nitpicks!
So you have a lot of punctuation errors, and I think I'll point them all out so you don't miss any. (if any of these are intentional punctuation marks, don't change them
This is more of an indentation error. Was this supposed to be indented? It's the only line in the poem that is formatted differently. Only curious
What do you mean by false start? Are there signs of snow that make you believe it will come? That's what a false start is to me...I just don't think it fit correctly in the poem, as nothing is really "starting falsely" in the poem. If you could clarify, that would be nice
So in every part of your poem, you use punctuation. To keep this consistency, I would add commas and periods where they belong here. Lack of punctuation can be intentional, but I don't think that's what you were going for here.
You need to capitalize the 'i' in 'in' as you have capitalized everything else correctly in the poem. Therefore you will keep consistency. You could even make 'In Summer of all things" a new line, just because it seems awkward and different in your poem to have two sentences in the same line.
First off, a comma in "It's" and you have used repetition (which you might have wanted to do) but you should find a different word for the 2nd "extremely." Plus the word itself isn't super descriptive. Also a period after "hard."
Who tricks you? The dreams? Also repetition again
"My dreams don't know that, however.
They like to trick me every night." Or something like that.
I like the innocence you use here. Yay it's SNOW! It reminds me of when I was a kid.
Nice use of punctuation here! Makes me really feel your disappointment.
comma after "disappointment" and I like how you talk to the reader *nods, yes I see it!*
Interesting use of formatting here. But I love this last line! It kinda ends the poem on a sad note
PRAISE
Okay so you do a great job building up to the part where the speaker realizes there is no snow. You give the speaker real character traits. I can imagine him/her being super excited and then all disappointed. That was great.
Sorry for all those nitpicks, I hope I didn't sound too harsh. This poem has a lot of potential, and those typos just needed to be fixed.
Loved some of your word choice "trickery" for instance. Those evil dreams
Description
So there's room for improvement. You need to work on painting a more vivid picture of what is happening. Especially when the speaker looks out the window during their dream. You barely described the scene. You could've added something about the sky, the colors, etc. Just more imagery.
Overall this is an EXCELLENT start to a beautiful and emotional poem. I can relate to it as well
I hope you find this review helpful! Great work, Vivian. Keep it up
and keep writing!
Thanks, I'll fix all the nitpicks and sorry I wasn't so detailed. All I remember is the trees and car outside my window, and this was my actual dream. Several times actually. I'll rephrase false start because it's not what I meant.
Hey that's perfectly fine
I had no idea this was an actual dream! Stick with what you wanna keep, it's your poem 
Great job!
Thanks, the changes are complete.
Vivian it has improved [i]tremendously[i/]
It really is a great poem!
Vivian it has improved tremendously
It really is a great poem!
Nice poem! I too love the snow and totally get how you felt. That would be confusing! I imagined what was happening in the poem clearly and thought it was decently written. Nice job.
Thanks Lefty.