construction workers hate their jobs though building blocks are great toys for your child

Hello, KutieKoala! It's review day!

I see that you responded to a review that you're not going to touch this because it can't be salvaged. Fair enough. I'm still going to review this so that you'll be able to think about improving your work in the future.

The first thing I noticed about this is that none of the stanzas feel very connected. They almost always start a new thought. Sometimes this is effective, but I feel like here it isn't working. The separation of the ideas and even grammatical phrasing between the stanzas is jarring. Try to keep more of a narrative running through a poem instead of disjointed thoughts.

Following that vein, I suggest that you punctuate this more like prose than you have done here. I feel like it will be easier to tell when thoughts are complete and when they are floating. I found it confusing at times because you used line breaks like punctuation sometimes, and regular punctuation at others. You should pick one or the other so the reader can understand what you're trying to get at a little better.

To be honest, I feel like this is pretty flat emotionally. I've been there, and I know that it's hard to produce engaging poetry if you feel mildly wistful. An easy thing that could provide more imagery and emotion is remembering a simple concept. The power of a poem resides in its choice of nouns and verbs. Try to use stronger verbs in particular. I noticed that you've got a lot of "is" and "can" and "getting" in there.

Altogether, I think that you could salvage this subject if you really tried to. It's not bad; it just needs some elbow grease. But I can understand if you feel like this is dead, so I'll just reiterate that these tips are for future poems as well. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing, and happy review day!

Kazey here for a review!

This was an... interesting poem. I can't quite tell if I like it or not, although I think I do. The poem has a great sense of helplessness, belief and rebuilding that carry a central theme through out the poem, and that's the main thing i liked about it. I often found your lines disrupted the flow a little such as the last lines of you 3rd and 5th stanzas. Perhaps they would be better split in two? I also didn't feel like the title of the poem in anyway connected to the actual poem, which is a shame because the title was very thought-provoking.

I feel if you read through this aloud, and changed it to find a flow to the poem, it could be great, because it was beautifully worded poem. It just fell a little flat for me.

Thanks!
~Kazey

Well presented!
I could fell the irony and hope to see lots of more of your works.
Your overall theme is very interesting and well showed.
There are some points which your rhyme scheme is a little weird, but it isn't to horrid.
Your vocabulary and figurative language are both strong and consistent throughout the whole piece.
Overall this is a really nice piece of writing.

Good Luck and Keep Writing

Sláinte -Junel

The poem has nothing to do with the title, or at least, I don't feel like it does.

You need to rewrite this from the perspective of an individual instead of these generalized statements of everyone else. It's too big, it needs to be small to be special, relatable.

Just a quick review:

I love the title and I love the poem but there were a few moments that felt awkward.

For example:
"never getting any better
never any worse"

I feel like it would sound better with out the 'getting' in the first line.

Also back to the title, I would have loved to see you incorporate the idea you presented in the title more in the poem. There wasn't much clarification. Personally I was sort of disappointed since the title was so good.

Hope I helped,
Alice