we share a lot of words

Wow! I love this. It's a very abstract piece and I think that helps you to interpret it in your own special way. To me, this poem is about someone who means the world to the character, but they've broken up (first stanza). In the second stanza the character loses their belief in love all together, but in the third they are saying how they would do anything to reclaim that person's love.

I love the imagery you've used, such as in the lines;

spitting feathers out of my mouth
it's not butterflies I'm invested with
chirping of baby birds inside my stomach

It really brings the characters feelings into perspective and makes them relatable, yet still abstractifies them. It's a very unique and talented thing to do. Well done!

~Kazey

Let me put it this way...it's a try..I am very much new to writing as well..I will try to take ur words and put it together in a different way, just to make some sense..but u r very imaginative and childlike..awesome


WE SHARE A LOT OF WORDS..
.....UNSPOKEN

Oh my love..
when I find the breeze around, bringing to me the fragrance of you approaching closer and closer...
I started feeling something inside my tummy...I wonder!

Is that chirping of baby birds, scraping the inside with beaks,while they wait for their mommy?
No, absolutely not...For I am not spitting any feathers when I choke and caugh...

Is that the noice of a blue whale, surfing the sea in an excitement ??
No, not at all...For I am not feeling any gush of waves that splash..when I laugh...

May be, they are those pretty BUTTERFLIES...in my stomach....
who squeezed their wings to flush..
their vibrant colours, only to let me reflect them in my blush....


Oh my love....
When I touched and felt the glittering sand from those imaginary foot prints that you once left....I dreamed...

As if you are an angel came from the heavens , for my sake..
to lie down with me and gaze at those shining stars that make...
brighter, not just the night but also my day...

Now, the science that says.."stars are self destructive gas balls", seemed soo fake..
They only seemed to be nothing, but a reflection of the shimmer in your face lake...

I wonder! Does it need to make any sense to speak,when my purpose is just to break...
the silence and treasure those precious moments together..we would make...

If you promise me,that you won't leave me for heavens sake...
I could promise you, our journey with your hand in mine would be a walk on the cake....


Oh my love...
As I waited for your arrival lieing on the beach....my longing for you made me feel, as if...

My thirst for you is not quenched , even if I swallowed the whole sea...
The salt would escape in the form of tears through my eyes ...as you see...
The little dolphin that trapped in my ribs,
reminds me the way, I myself got trapped in your thoughts.....that define me.....

I wish that you would never leave me...even if you think...it were a plea....
With a glee...I admit, without you, I myself weren't "ME"....


Oh my love...

If life were a Beach...

I would love to hold your hand and walk you into the eternity....
till I find none of your fears and worries in our proximity....

Hey there Kaos, Edelweiss here for a review!
This was different and cute, but I'm a little confused on the comparisons.
Let's get started, the very first thing I noticed is that there's no punctuation, and a few minor grammar errors. There's no flow and it's all copy, If you would create sentences I think it would help a lot!
Overall I don't understand the purpose, in the beginning you talk about the noises of your stomach, in the middle that stars have no manning, and lastly how you would drink a sea for someone. I just don't see any connection, perhaps I am missing a something?
I think you are very creative and imaginative, and have great potential! I really enjoyed how different this piece was! I think this can really be something wonderful, and I really think you have something going for you, so keep it up!

-Edelweiss-