Spaghetti straps hug my shoulders
loose arms holding me together.
Instagram feed filled of other girls
giving compliments of "Hottie" and "100%".
For one moment I think "the gays have invaded",
but really I can see why their phones
cover their faces in the mirror selfies.
So you can't see the self-doubt.
I'm feeling like the Pinocchio of my friend group
strings pulling at my wrists
red marks left behind.
Outline them in sharpie
to see which joints are mine
and which joints belong to the fascist with strings.
A sacrificial ritual
bleeding
because they say that
bleeding makes you female.
Wrists bleeding in the sink
I do it in the bathroom
just like every other girl.
"You're beautiful on the inside",
another way to say
"You're ugly".
Only now in the way of a child
saying they didn't steal anything
with a smile on their face.
Tonight I'll sit by the windowsill
and ask the Blue Fairy right outside my window
If I can be a real girl
and hope she says,
"You already are."
Note: I hate this poem so don't expect it to be good and I don't expect it to be good.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I need to preface this review with an apology. There is a conversation to be had around this poem around femininity and self-image, one which I will try to address, but there is another conversation going on here, a little quieter, that I'm afraid has overshadowed the main one.
The varied methods of approaching this topic keep the verses fresh and protect it from predictability.
'bleeding makes you female' is the one line that summarizes this work the best, I feel. The pessimistic tone, interesting observation, and layered words make up what this poem both is trying to be and is.
I have harsh words for this, but these words are not for the poem, but rather for the addendum to the poem.
What response do you expect from that addition?
If you say the poem is no good, the reader will expect the poem to not be good, and will perceive it as not as good. Saying you 'hate' it, even if it's just tacked onto the end, charges the work in retrospect in a negative way.
Furthermore, if you hate it and it sucks, why even post it?
So perhaps the better question here, the one that needs to be addressed, is rather: What good can possibly come out of that addition?
If it were an addition to the poem, that would be interesting in a meta sense. It matches the tone of the poem, and even ties back to the first stanza in a way that would look intentional. However, I went through your other work and found a similar message on another poem, so I'm basically sure that it's not meant to be a part, and is instead just a detriment to this work/whatever this work could be, would you let it.
The solution to the surface problem here is easy. Just remove the note and let the poem stand on its own without judgement.
The underlying one, however - the one where you, the author, feels like adding this note in the first place, will not be as easy to handle, and there's no simple solution to it. Body image problems suck. Feeling like you don't fit in sucks. Life just sucks sometimes. I get it. Don't let those feelings harm your work. It's already obvious good things do come out of it.
The poem itself addresses serious issues in an interesting fashion, and I am glad that it exists. Keep writing.
It was really and more about being trans. This might explain the Pinocchio references, since he was only a puppet and wished to be a real boy, and I used that in my own way.
Ah, that's interesting. I can see it, now that you mention it, but the whole 'bleeding' segment in the middle still seems to point to femininity?
Don't you know what it's about?
Seriously though, you have to ditch the self-depreciating comments.
Hi Remington38 here!
Why would you ever say you hate this? I wish I could write half as good as this! It was beautiful and emotional. Reading this made me feel open and vulnerable because the emotions hit me where it counts. I love the little way you have twisted the way we look at things and contorted it to fit the way you want it. I want to keep reading it over and over again it was so good. I have read your work before and you never cease to amaze me. It is very relatable to a lot of people and even to people who may not understand these emotions. I absolutely loved this. Thank you for writing it. You are a very gifted writer.
Why do you hate it?
This poem was actually quite decent in my eyes. I'm not quite sure what kind of message or theme it was trying to portray though...
Was it about self hatred/harm over not being seen as "pretty"? Jealousy? I'm not really sure, but i' not good at identifying themes in general.
I enjoyed the way you mixed up your wording (I read it three times!)
Good job and keep up the good work!
~The dark one.