Young Writers Society

Heya, Kaos! Casanova here to do a review for you! I"ll be taking this piece by piece, so I hope you don't mind. To the review!

The headlights of nocturnal vehicles form a train;
a conga line of people still awake.
M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶r̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶d̶g̶e̶,̶ ̶
̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶d̶r̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶q̶u̶o̶r̶.̶

Somehow I think that the scarlet railing
will protect me from driving off the edge.
The truck behind me is right on my tail,
forcing me to keep going.

Mother told me angels lived atop the cell towers,
their platforms flat where they stood and watched.
Out the car window, I try and see if anyone was up there.
All I see is a speck of blinking light,
steady like a heartbeat.

A lady on a motorcycle pulls in front of me,
her tire tracks leave a faint mark in my mind.
A checkpoint.
She made it seem like I was back in his living room
immersed into some generic racing game playing time trials.

He and I
connected by a bridge, two cellphones,
and a cell tower.
The exasperated grunting and clanging of metal bars
screams from my phone.

Paperclips deemed useless
when it's all going to just fall apart.
Like an angel atop a cell tower,
I want to catch him before he falls.

I have always enjoyed reading poetry. There is a uniqueness found in poems that cannot be found in other types of literary works. Poetry is not bound by specific a certain specific format, it is all a matter of details and descriptions.

Poetry entails a great deal of imagery. This poem – your poem – in particular, accomplished this greatly.

From what I gathered, this poem was actually told in the point of view of two personas – a suicidal person and someone who wants to save him.

Personally, I believed that the lines that you crossed out actually added to the impact of the poetry. It gave more meaning to the piece. It added emphasis to the inner struggle of the first persona.

The character of the second persona – the saviour, in this case – on the other hand is someone I perceived to be full of life and hope. She is someone who has a heart full of compassion. She looks through life with a colored glass.

The meeting and the feelings of both personas towards each other was something I would have wanted to read more about. It would have something that you could have explored even more. But, for the sake of this piece, I think that the short lines dedicated to their reactions and feelings were enough.

In all, I really enjoyed this piece, especially the last two lines.
Hope this helped. Keep writing!

- LaPetitePrincess

Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Nit-picks

I


The headlights of nocturnal vehicles form a train;
a conga line of people still awake.
M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶r̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶d̶g̶e̶,̶ ̶
̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶d̶r̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶q̶u̶o̶r̶.̶


Somehow I think that the scarlet railing
will protect me from driving off the edge.
The truck behind me is right on my tail,
forcing me to keep going.

IV

He and I
connected by a bridge, two cellphones,
and a cell tower.
The exasperated grunting and clanging of metal bars
screams from my phone.

Paperclips deemed useless
when it's all going to just fall apart.
Like an angel atop a cell tower,
I want to catch him before he falls.

This review courtesy of