In Silence...

Hey there dropping a quick review!

First i must say that I absolutely love this piece! I feel that it is very relate able or it is to me at least. I am not sure why but this reminds me of the Hunger Games. Please correct me if i'm wrong but it just has that tone to it. It is definitely a different tone to what i'm used to seeing but change and difference is good and it. Over all this is a great piece in my opinion. Keep writing and I hope to see more of your work in the future!

Hey Vibe,

I know a lot of others have said this but the first sentence is a little odd. If you do 'there is war....' it would look and sound better, but that's only my opinion. Your grammar looked very good so I don't have any excuse to correct you on that. =).

I personally like this poem and I easily knew what you were trying to get at so that is a good thing. I really like how your writing was simple. It made it more realistic that way, a more matter of fact kind of thing. I just wanted to let you know that you did an amazing job on this and I just wanted to say good luck. Good luck.

Hello Vibe! Huda here, for a review.

Firstly, I like the basic idea behind this and I appreciate this greatly. The poem is really good, I liked it. You know, some things are just 'good' to the heart, and I must say, this piece was good to my heart. The writing is simple but beautiful in a unique kind of way. But there is a suggestion I would like to give:

. The first line : "...there is war" is a bit odd to me. I mean, it it was "there is war..." and it would have been seemed more appealing and beautiful.
Overall, it was a very nice poem and when a writer gets his/her message conveyed, it means that his writing was a successful piece and this poem is surely one of them. Keep writing!

Hello Vibe! i love the thought and feeling you put into this poem...but I have a few suggestions...

First the tenses seemed a little odd at times. It's not that I didn't understand what you were saying, it's just you could adjust the tenses and really make the poem flow even more.

Second, the punctuation was a little odd at times as well. The lack of punctuation actually threw me off quite a few times while reading it, not gonna lie.

And I agree with those below me in the comments...the beginning was a little strange, I would suggest editing that to make it flow more with the way the rest of the poem is written. All in all, good job! Keep writing!

Hello, love. I am going to suggest a few things that will further help you with your writing.

First things first, (I'm the realest) the beginning is kind of awkward merely because of the format. Personally, I would have just started out with "There is war"
Now notice that I capitalized the T, this is typically the formal way to start a poem. Especially a poem that has a serious tone such as this one. Also, I probably would have done this "There is war..." Mostly because it flows better, but also because it is pleasing to the eye.

The first few lines are great, they are meaningful and they are easy to understand. When I get to the part where it says "what would you feel? How would you feel?" I get a little confused because I am not quite sure what you are referring to. Maybe, later on, you could try clarifying that in the lines after that.


"Why do I feel like their crying?" The "their" should be "they're"

I'm not really sure what was going on in line eleven, but I am just going to assume that it was an out there kind of typo, which I'm sure if you look over, you could definitely fix.

In line twelve, there it goes again "...there is peace" I just think it would fit better if you put the ellipsis after the sentence, rather than before.

Over all, there was a nice message in your poem. It seems like it took a lot of thought for this, and it was deep and meaningful to you. In the end, that's all that matters.

Hello Vibe!
This was a really nice, meaningful poems...with just a few nitpicks for me to pick out!
Okay, lets get started.

First thing I noticed, very little attention has been given to the punctuation. There is normally always a comma before you start a statement. Like,

'Then you start thinking,
"Beyond their laughs and jesting,
deep inside,why do I feel like their crying?" '

I hope you noticed the comma after 'thinking'. Also, the word 'their' is rather inappropriate here. 'Their' means 'belonging to or associated with the people or things previously mentioned or easily identified'. I think you were going for 'they are' with an apostrophe, making it 'they're'.

'Findan' is missing a space in the middle! I think you meant 'find an'.

I think 'an exit in this chaotic world.' might be better as 'an exit from this world.' Just suggesting.

'And all that God had created' would be better written as 'And all that God has created'

It was an amazing poem otherwise, with alot of depth to it! I look forward to more from you!

Very good poem! Short, and meaningful.