Insensible

Hello and Happy Review Day!

I'd like to point out something which will help you:
For the things which only I can see,

They're always around for me to see;
Here you had nine syllables in the first line and nine in the second. It read well and smoothly.
For the things which only I can hear,

They're always there even in silence for me to hear;
Here you have nine for the first sentence and thirteen in the second. Because after reading the first two lines I was assuming that they would all be equal, this line seemed choppy and uneven. It was difficult to read.

I do like your poem, I enjoyed the repetition in the words and the meaning is cool. I think that if you fix the syllables it will be great!

He went back to the classroom they had together, art. It was bright in the room. Just like the days he spent with her. The class was empty, being it the end of school. Everything stacked neatly. He remembered her smile and the way she laughed. He was smiling himself, when he thought of the happy memory. Even the memory of the time they painted mustaches on each other or put away the supplies. The happy times...but those were back then. When they were still together. He went back to the coffee place they used to go to, almost everyday. It was still going, although, not much people were there. He sat down and ordered two. As he waited, he looked out the window. Rembering the way she sat and ate. He shook his head and thought,"you lucky bastard. You had your chance." He remembered her dark brown eyes. When she drank or ate or did anything, they still looked down. Still looked murky and broken. Like she was sad and just wanted things to be okay. Those eyes he fell in love with. He'll never forget it. After finishing one of his drinks,he went to the florist. There he got a bokay of beautiful flowers,all different. "She never did like one, she loved all. ",he thought. The florist asked,"For your wife?" He chuckled,"Ah,no. I'm not married and niether am I seeing anyone. But it is for someone special." He payed and left. As he came to his final destination. He walked n walked. Until he came to a large stone. He was sorry he wasnt there that day. He had already broken down from the news, he had already planned everything, so now he

He went back to the classroom they had together, art. It was bright in the room. Just like the days he spent with her. The class was empty, being it the end of school. Everything stacked neatly. He remembered her smile and the way she laughed. He was smiling himself, when he thought of the happy memory. Even the memory of the time they painted mustaches on each other or put away the supplies. The happy times...but those were back then. When they were still together. He went back to the coffee place they used to go to, almost everyday. It was still going, although, not much people were there. He sat down and ordered two. As he waited, he looked out the window. Rembering the way she sat and ate. He shook his head and thought,"you lucky bastard. You had your chance." He remembered her dark brown eyes. When she drank or ate or did anything, they still looked down. Still looked murky and broken. Like she was sad and just wanted things to be okay. Those eyes he fell in love with. He'll never forget it. After finishing one of his drinks,he went to the florist. There he got a bokay of beautiful flowers,all different. "She never did like one, she loved all. ",he thought. The florist asked,"For your wife?" He chuckled,"Ah,no. I'm not married and niether am I seeing anyone. But it is for someone special." He payed and left. As he came to his final destination. He walked n walked. Until he came to a large stone. He was sorry he wasnt there that day. He had already broken down from the news, he had already planned everything, so now he

Hey there Vibe, here to give a quick review!

I really like this piece but I like quite a few of the things you have wrote. There may be a few issues with this but hey I don't nitpick at the small things. I just wanted to say that this is a very nice piece with a underlying feel that I cant really describe. Keep writing. I hope to review more of your work!

Well, this is sort of a duplicate of the other insensibly titled poem because the internet connection in our realm seemed to have gone "turbo"!
So just feel free to review, scrutinize, and just say anything helpful to this work.
Be my guest people. Just do not be too inhuman (well, I'm not really gonna mind though, sometimes I just get so numb to even feel anything around me....just kidding kiddos!)

For the things which only I can feel,

They're always there even in my numbest days for me to feel.

To be blind to the things I see,

For the things which only I can see;

To be deaf to the things I hear,

The things which only I can hear;

To be numb to the things I feel,

The things which only I can feel.

Let those who have eyes to see, see.

Let those who have ears to hear, listen.

Let those who have hearts to feel, feel.

For the things which only I can see;

The things which only I can hear;

The things which only I can feel.


Hats off for you guys!!!
Let's keep on writing.