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First off, let me say this. I'm putting my money on you being a big author. Why? Because you're that good. Now, calm down young one. You're not perfect yet. You should get a couple of practice books like this under your belt before anything. But if you spent enough time perfecting your craft -going to seminars and learning about the art and the business- than I think you would be among the greats. So, my money's on the table. Anyone else?
Okay, moving onto the review.
This chapter is awesome. It adds a new layer to the character that I quite enjoyed. It's also a Snippet -A "Snippet is a term I use when I don't think a chapter/book accomplishes what it needs to- and that needs to be fixed. However I do believe this is still a good enough Snippet, that if you flesh it out a bit more it could be a good chapter and would work.

That brings us to our next subject. This chapter seemed rushed. This one seemed like it was you trying to push out chapters so you can get reviews. Don't do that. Submit like you would if this site was a writing group, write a couple thousand words every week and publish 1-2K of those words. That's a good way to do things. Another good way would be to do some quick polish-up's before you publish these chapters that way we can see a less jerky form.

But the story is progressing nicely, always progress the story, and you do that nicely here -though I would have preferred this covered in the first chapter-

But I'm just pointing out the flaws, of which there are few, if I was to point out the things that make this chapter awesome we'd be here for a while.

Keep writing!
~_~ @Jumpyspot ~-~

Hi Yastika!

Ooh yay, now I can be all caught up with your chapters!

I do like a good internal conflict, and this is definitely the right way to use italics. I think it was awesome to see her conflicting thoughts and how she is deciding whether or not she can trust herself to make friends. I never thought about her loneliness as slightly self inflicted so that she can't harm anyone. That does make sense, I suppose. But now it looks like she is going to breaking her usual code and making a shot in the dark. I hope she can control it as well, because she seems like the kind of person who is too smart to be purely having internal conversations all the time. And I am so glad you brought the power thing back up once again, because I had almost completely forgotten about it! I would love to see some elements of this in there.

I wonder what happens if she looks into crazy Miss Casey's mind. That might be another reason why she is so desperate to avoid the woman! Because as well as being a jumbled mess on the outside, when she looks into her eyes she gets lost in the mind of Miss Casey, which is just as messed up as the outside. Now that might be something enjoyable to experiment with. I am curious to see what it is like when she is looking into others minds and what that kind of experience is like. So make sure we get to see it pretty soon!

Because we don't see her having any issues with her power previous to this chapter (and this is only internal and nothing physical at all!) I didn't even consider her power to be an issue. I just took it for granted that she had complete control over it because she wasn't facing any struggles. She didn't have to not maintain eye contact or fight the will of being forced into someone's mind. If you want to make her power an issue that she absolutely control, then we need to see problems arise with it much sooner in previous chapters as well.

I think it's high time we meet the brother! I am glad she is going to go search out Colin. I also think it might be nice to meet the father. Obviously, he know doesn't have a wife because of his daughter, and I am curious to know what their relationship will be like. Hatred? Love? Resentment? I feel like these emotions and this relationship is important to the story, so don't forget time to meet the dad and brother.

Relishing the soft warmth of my bed, I scolded myself.

Silly girl. Can't even think in such a small situation

I am more than capable of controlling my eyes, thank you very much!

I had just had an parley worth the parliament in my head.

Hello! Sorry I didn't review earlier, I was waiting for Review Day. So, erm-- Happy Review Day! I scrolled through the earlier reviews to see which nit-picks they've pointed out, and I must say I didn't quite understand Googlebot's review >_> Let me make up for it, then!

Errors, first.

" I rushed straight to my room and jumped [into] my bed, "

Change that "into" either to "in" or "on", because when you write "into", it means she's hiding inside the mattress xD

" The familiar sight of those [worn edged, crisp paged], magical books of mine "

I would consider butting dashes, like "worn-edged, crisp-paged". Nice description, though.

" said [a] accusing "

This should be "an", since the letter after it starts with "a".

" I wanted to agree, I wanted to, I wanted to. "

I don't think it's necessary to put "I wanted to" twice in the sentence. However, if you wanted to put some meaningful emphasis, perhaps adding the word "really" at the second "I wanted to" would be a nice touch. It adds the desperation and longing hope to believe that Mira feels.

" That was the truth wasn't it, that I could control my eyes? "

I think there should be a comma between "truth" and "wasn't".

" The voice in my head spat, [getting nastier by every word, throwing every bitter thought I had ever had, shaking me, scaring me.] "

I can't really put my finger on what I think is wrong, but this sentence sounds...off. Maybe because "getting nastier by every word" sounds a bit inappropriate for an alternate voice, perhaps "spewing venom in its words" would be better.

And, "throwing every bitter thought I had ever had" means that this antagonistic voice is actually getting rid of all the bad thoughts instead of reminding her of them. You have wrongly constructed your sentence, thus it conveys the wrong message. Maybe, "throwing every bitter memory I though I had forgotten" would be better.

I don't think "shaking me" is necessary, but if you wish to keep it, why not change that to "sending a shudder down my spine"? And "scaring me" shouldn't be there, the "shaking me" part already tells us that she's scared, so putting those extra two words would be redundant.

" I had just had [an] parley worth the parliament in my head. "

It should be "a", since the letter after it is "p". Just to be safe, I shall remind you that: "an" is used when the letter that follows is either "a, e, i, o, u". The word "a" is used for any other letter except the earlier-mentioned letters.

" Feeling more miserable than ever I left my room to look for my brother, Colin. "

There should be a comma present after "ever".

Besides that, I noticed throughout the draft, the conversations between the two subconscious voices don't have the ' ... ' symbols. You just straight-away change them to italic format without adding any apostrophes, which is grammatically incorrect. Remember to add those apostrophes next time.

Anyway, I guess that's all of the technical errors I've spotted. Now for my personal opinion.

The way Mira reacted after meeting Miss Casey is a bit unrealistic. In fact, I was wondering whether she was getting just as coo-coo as Miss Casey herself. It was over-the-top, since, usually, once one gets home, one feels safe and sure that whatever danger outside can't get to them. This just confuses me about her character.

By the way, the argument between the two subconscious voices in her head was actually a nice touch. It leads me to wonder whether she has two alter-egos, or perhaps another person in her body, or maybe just to point out what she feels about herself. It's a nice touch of self-realization and deepens that hopeless, miserable feeling.

I did enjoy some of the descriptions, namely the whole paragraph which involved her admiring her collection of books.

Hopefully my review has helped you. Keep writing, this was an enjoyable read.
~Brunnera

Hello, rissymay once again, with some comments:

Ok, so I haven't read this in a while, so maybe I'm wrong, but I think your main character is slightly overreacting about the whole Miss Casey thing. It was just a strange happening, not something to completely have a panic attack about in my opinion... I think the kind of character you have would be more likely to brush it off, pretend it never happened, and remain confident and sure. idk

And then... she has been controlling her eyes all her life since her mother died, right? (Please tell me if this is untrue, because then I am wrong!) Why is she suddenly freaking out about it? I mean, it's good to be concerned or slightly frightened, but she knows that she can control it, so why does she suddenly think she can't? or maybe you can address this in the argument with herself.

So basically... the advice I want to give you is make sure your characters stick to who they are when curveballs are flying at them... your character seems to be suddenly changing, instead of gradually changing and maturing like characters usually do. (I also struggle with doing this .)

so yeah... keep writing! I shall read chapter four when it arrives.
-rissymay