It's gonna be fine.
Today you might cry,
it's gonna end anyway.
You're gonna shout 'cause of anger,
they might not hear you
but it's gonna end anyway.
You'll be fine one day.
You might not be fine today
But you'll be...
one day,
one day.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hey, Vibe!
So I really appreciated hearing your thoughts on my poem, and I wanted to return the favor. A lot of the things have already been said... Capitalization would be good, or scrapping all capitalization would be too. That'd be interesting to see. It gives the poem a completely different feel. But I understand why some of the lines aren't capitalized. Although grammatically correct, poetry doesn't have to do that and whichever is fine. I usually just ask myself if it'd tax the reader more than just reading a piece for a rule of thumb. As this is a short poem, (kudos for getting you point across so concisely) there isn't much to fix, but I noticed someone mentioned getting rid of "but" in your second stanza. I actually think it works. But what I do have to say is that the flow might be better if you switched it with the line in the first stanza. I think there's more of a sense of finality in that.
"It's gonna be fine.
Today you might cry,
but it's gonna end anyway.
You're gonna shout 'cause of anger,
they might not hear you;
it's gonna end anyway."
Something like that. Anyways, these are just nitpicks and it's a lovely poem.
Thank you for sharing
*the grey reality
This has the emotion of the struggle to be positive and say with hope "One day" this had me reading because it was relatable and something for most readers to find practical in their life. This kind of reminds of something...oh yes when people keep on telling you it's gonna be okay, things will get better, time heals all, and it's gonna end. Or the famous saying "The calm before the storm." Either you going through the storm of the calm there is good ahead...right? Just some short random tips: Pacing! Understandable! Relatable! Catching! Well enough of my blabbering-great job! And keep on writing!
Thanks Angel!
This diction was very reminiscent of the last dramatic scene of Gone With the Wind with the anguished Scarlett O'Hara declaring her belief in better days. I love the simplicity of it all as well. No nonsensical words, no fluff, just the words you wanted to say. It made it very relatable. Kudos!
Hey, it's Neverland here to review your wondrous (to me that should be spelt wonderous....) piece!
Okay, and onto the review!!
I liked this, but to be honest the title could maybe be a little better.... I myself am horrible at thinking of titles, but I think if you think a little about it you could think of something extraordinary!
There is one thing that I insist you change though, in the second stanza you say "but it's gonna end anyway." In my opinion I think it would be better without the 'but', a little repetition is always nice with something like this.
This piece is short, but it conveys a message of struggle and optimism, good work with that. In my opinion it normally takes a long poem to convey a story of struggle and optimism, but you've done this in a short one.
I find that as nice as short poems are lacking in detail or a message - or story, which ever it is that you are telling us. (I normally write short ones, a little longer than this I guess, but I still think this anyway....) But with this one that is not the case, congratulations.
I look forward to seeing more of your work in the Greenroom, and good luck with your writing adventures!!
~Neverland.
Thanks for the suggestions and the review Neverland.
You're very welcome
I think this is cool. So many people are always complaining about life, and how bad they have it. But so often, they are doing nothing to alleviate their pain but mutter in anger, and curse their luck. I read this and thought about all the things that I have been given in my life that have made it great. Family, friends, and a love of writing. So thank you Vibe, for writing this and reminding people that pain doesn't last forever, and you can overcome it. All you need is to know that it will end. Thanks. This is great
Thanks Crow. Despite the pain we're feeling, there will still come a time when we realize that we still possess a lot of good things than bad ones.
Just what I've been thinking recently, you captured what I have been thinking without me even knowing I felt it; I sometimes struggle with empathy, but I really felt what the person must have been thinking, and that really makes my day.
Two things though -this is just my preference so feel free to correct me- capital letters should be at the start of the line, if the whole poem is in lower case letters then it often works, other wise it just annoys me, especially when they're only at the start of the first two/three lines, then not on the end. At the end of the first and second stanza you could have used repetition. (If these were done on purpose, then why?)
Apart from these two small things the poem is really good, hope the character gets better soon.
Random Columns
Thanks Columns. I appreciate it when writers care enough to write some reviews. I think the character's better already.