You can wish for death but you can't wish it away

Jade watched the black and white screen of her TV with the remote dangling in her hand. She was slumped on her favorite couch, as still a dead bird. Her parents had gone to visit her sick grandmother in the hospital, leaving her in charge of the empty house. It was quite boring except for the noises. There was a sudden crackle at her window and she let out a sigh.

 

The night was anything but silent. With rough winds billowing at the tree branches outside, constantly knocking them onto the glass windows. To a normal teenager who was left home alone in the middle of the night, sounds like that would have freaked her out. But Jade was used to them. Her parents were usually out late at work or parties and she was always left to babysit herself.

 

She hadn’t minded that at all, though. For some reason, Jade liked being alone. It was the only time when she could easily close her eyes and picture herself some place far away; a place full of danger and adventure, waiting for her to step into it. Unfortunately, the winds were a little too rough that night and it was hard for her to concentrate.

 

She groaned and sat up straight, feeling a slight throb in her head due to the sudden change of posture. “What a pain… A perfect time to relax my mind but the winds…” she made a face and got up from the couch murmuring, “I’ll just go finish that painting I’ve left pending for weeks.”

 

Jade left the lounge, brushing a hand through her dark hair and headed towards her small art room beside the lounge. She grabbed the doorknob and tried to turn it but it didn’t budge. “That’s strange,” she whispered and tried again with more force but it came out in her hand. She blinked, staring at the round knob blankly when she heard it.

 

Something was ticking inside her room. She placed her ear close to the door. The ticking started at a slow pace; one tick every two seconds. The speed slowly increased. Jades eyes widened as the ticking turned to several ticks per second. Then a sudden sound of glass shattering made her jump back from the door.

 

The door creaked open on its own. Jade’s heart was pounding hard but she took the chance. She had always wanted danger and here it was; just a few steps away from her. She wasn’t willing to back out now. As she tiptoed inside, she kept thinking that the door would slam shut behind her like it did in the horror movies. But to her disappointment, the door remained ajar.

 

“Hey! Anyone in here?” Jade forced herself to call out but just like she’d predicted, nothing happened. She looked around lighting a lamp beside her to see what had broken. But then she remembered that there wasn’t anything here made out of glass. Nothing could’ve made that sound unless of course it could’ve been the windows but they were unharmed.

 

The room had several shelves on two adjacent walls. One wall was blank while the fourth was completely made of glass with wooden panels running vertically, dividing the glass in the form of windows.

 

 

Jade puffed out a breath in annoyance and went over to the painting on her canvas stand. Her paints were laid out neatly beside it on a small table. She picked it up and began to add paint on her basic design…

 

As she stood facing the canvas, a shadow lingered behind her. She half turned her head but shrugged carelessly.

 

She added the skin color, darkening the middle so the nose would be distinguishable. She made the lips the color of pale pink, slightly curved upward. There was a tick but she didn’t notice anything. She colored the hair dark brown with a few strands falling onto the forehead beautifully. Another tick. One ear was half hidden under the mop of hair while the other could not be made since the face was angled slightly sideways. This time, there was a creak sound. Too bad Jade was completely engrossed in the realistic painting.

 

She’d saved the best part for last. The eyes. She painted them light grey with a speck of white on one corner, to indicate light shining onto them. The lashes were long and heavy and looked like they would blink any second. Jade stared at the face, lost in its charm for a second till the ticking had gotten very loud and made her alert again. She spun around quickly but the it ceased.

 

Frowning with irritation Jade slammed her paint pallet on the small table and took a long piece of cloth to cover her painting. She glanced at the door which was still ajar. And here she’d thought there would be in real danger. She lowered her eyes in disappointment muttering, “Just so boring…” when the door slammed shut.

 

Jade didn’t move or even blink for a few seconds before assuming it was the wind. But when she walked over to it, her feet were wobbly and with trembling hands, she tried for the knob. Her hand came empty. No knob! Fear crawled its way into her heart, stabbing it with such force that it hurt. She held her stomach, closing her eyes.

 

Something moved. Jade swirled around to see the cloth lying on the floor. Her dark eyes went wide with shock as they met the ones in the painting. The grey eyes were staring straight at her, as if enjoying the fear and pain she was experiencing.

 

She shook her head in disbelief and stomped over to pick up the cloth but a sudden explosion sent her rolling all over the floor. Jade sat up with a gasp. Her ears were ringing and she had to slap them several times for the ringing to stop. She opened her eyes.

 

Darkness… The bulb inside the lamp had shattered, filling the room with pitch blackness. Her breath came in short gasps as she slowly stood up. The wind from an open window whipped at her and she wrapped her arms around her, shuddering.

 

Jade looked through the glass, at the thousands of tiny lights of the houses below. Her house was so far above them all. It was on a street that went up a rugged mountain. She’d never thought about it like this but now that she was all alone in the dark with crazy things happening in the room, she couldn’t help but picture her own death.

 

Jade didn’t realize she was inching toward the open window, wondering what it would be like to jump off of there. She was so close to it now, feeling the rough wind ripple at her medium length hair. That’s when something grabbed her arm and pinned her to the wall beside her. Her back bone ached from the sudden pressure and she let out a gasp.

 

“Who are you?” she asked, her voice wavering at the end. She could see a dark figure standing in front of her, clutching at both her shoulders.

 

“I’m what you painted… the guy you dreamt of… the devil you wished for so much,” the voice was soft but grave.

 

“What’re you talking about? How did you get inside my house? I’m going to call the cops!” Jade yelled angrily but when she tried to move, the guy twisted her arm roughly and turned her around till her forehead was touching the wall. “What do you want…” she breathed.

 

“I’m here to take you away…” the guy spoke.

 

“Away to where?”

 

“The place you’ve always wanted to go.”

 

Anger burned its way through Jade and she pushed him back. He was caught off guard and stumbled back a few steps before regaining his balance.

 

“You’re not taking me anywhere. That place does not exist now quit the suspense mister and tell me who you are! My parents are going to be back and then you’re going to–”

 Jade never even got the chance to complete her sentence when the guy grabbed her shoulders and without a warning, kissed her. Jade’s back hit the wall again and she groaned, trying to push him away but he was too strong for her. She felt like everything inside her mind was turning upside down, downside up, running around… round and round. He finally released her but her head didn’t stop spinning.

 

“Why’d you do that?” Jade asked in a shaky voice, holding her head with one hand.

 

“You promised me in your dream that you would go with me… beyond the forbidden walls that guard the dead forest.”

 

Realization struck her as she heard the words. Only the Demon from her dreams would know that. But to go beyond that wall, you had to be dead… Again, realization stormed through her, shaking her entire body,

 

“No… you didn’t,” she whispered.

 

“I did. That was the kiss of death,” he whispered, tracing the line of her jaw with his hand, “Soon you will join me as a ghost and the two of us will take flight.”

 

“No… no, no, no! This isn’t what I wanted!” Jade shrieked in terror, her lips quivering as her heart slowed its pace. She struggled to breathe, clutching her throat, stabbing her nails into her own flesh to keep her soul from leaving her body. But hard as she tried, it was useless. She fell to the ground, taking slow silent breaths… and then her body went completely limp. A single tear made its way through her open eyes and rolled down her cheek. The demon bent down and brushed it off gently, smiling.

 

 

“You can wish for death… but you can’t wish it away,” he said softly, kissing Jade’s forehead and then vanishing from the room.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Hi!! :D

Small nitpicks (I tend to start with the nitpicks first because if I wait until I'm done reading the whole story I tend to forgot the small details ;) )

"There was a sudden crackle at her window and she let out a sigh."

The last line of the first paragraph can be more specific. What do you mean by crackle? What kind of sigh? Deep? Relaxed? Are you trying to say the crackle made her nervous?

"It was the only time when she could easily close her eyes and picture herself some place far away; a place full of danger and adventure, waiting for her to step into it."

lol, for some reason this made me laugh. You said Jade is a normal teenager, but this doesn't sound like what a teenager would do when they were home alone x) I think of what I do when I'm home alone- blast some music, maybe dance around, call my friends. Or if I wasn't hyper maybe I'd just make like 10 bags of papcorn and flip through channels on the tv. I don't close my eyes and imagine myself in some kind of adventure, that sounds like something a child would do.

"Jade puffed out a breath in annoyance and went over to the painting on her canvas stand. Her paints were laid out neatly beside it on a small table. She picked it up and began to add paint on her basic design…"

This seems a little unrealistic, that's she'd just go back to painting after hearing that noise. To me, she should have one of two reactions. Normally, you'd be scared out of your wits if you were home alone and heard glass breaking. But since you say this girl searches for danger, maybe she would be exploring the house to try and find out what's going on. Not just rolling her eyes and starting a painting.

Ok, so now that I'm finished reading, I can do some overall comments x)

So, the main issue I had with this is that I think your character was just unrealistic. I can't relate to her, I've never met anyone like her, all I know is that she daydreams about adventure and then when something weird starts happening around her, all she does is roll her eyes and ignore it.

I didn't get the demon. What was the ticking sound? What did the demon do with all that time while she was painting? Was he just sitting and watching her? Why did he decide to play tricks on her and cover the painting and such? Why did he kiss her?

Also, imagery is a good component in horror. What did the demon look like?

I think you had a really cool idea for this short story. That there would be a girl, who loved to paint and had some kind of demon fantasies, would one day have the monster she created on paper show up in real life and kill her. But I think you could've gone about this a different way and made it much more horrific and memorable. You could've had Jade put up a fight. There could've been blood and broken bones before he pinned her to the wall and gave the kiss of death. Maybe instead of simply painting, when Jade was home alone she could've been... doing crack or smoking weed or something. It sure seems more realistic for a girl who craves danger and adventure. It might've also made us guess if the whole demon was a hallucination or not, lol.

So I definitely think there's room for improvement, but I love the idea you had here. So good job :) I hope the review helped.

User avatar
mystogan
Review

she is really brave, if even something like that happened in the tiniest bit i would have run out of the house in two seconds. I have no shame in saying that. She was an idiot. She just kept going hoping for things to get worse. I was like what! Any way having said that she was quite brave at points. She called out and confronted the demon. I have to say the suspense was built up nicely. THe first half was all suspense then it was getting more obvious after that.

I think it would have been better if you didn't explain who it was and why they were there. IT kind of took away the fear and tension. Also the kiss made it all romantic which took away the sinister death tone which was going strong.

Apart from that it was very good. You can definitely work the first half into something more twisted and scary.

User avatar
hudakp Comment

The first half of the story was good. But then it was really unrealistic.

User avatar
o0OakageO0o
Review

That would have scared me--QUITE a bit. It was very well written, and I have yet to see any grammar mistakes, so kudos to you on that, love. I really liked the plot, and how she dreamed of him first...actually, I just like the thought that he can visit one in their dreams at all. It really made me think. It was really good, and I'm probably going to spend awhile thinking about what's going to happen next. Good job on this piece! :)

Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac



A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
— Steve Martin