Some of my nightmares:
(Please note that the names have been randomly picked by me as I do not wish to put the actual names in here)
“I just hope it doesn’t happen again,” I said before closing my tired eyes. I hadn’t slept the day before because of the constant nightmares I’d been having. I didn’t know why it always ended the same way but it freaked me out every time. I started humming something in a low voice just to keep myself distracted when I fell asleep.
1.
I was standing in the lounge, staring at the clock in front of me. It had stopped working again. No matter how many times I’d slap it, it would stop working after a while. And now I was thinking of throwing it away. I let my eyes scan the entire room for some spare batteries. I was sure I’d seen them on the couch the day before.
The small couches and the sofa were all positioned in a way that they made a rectangle. The curtains were aside and I could see daylight streaming through the windows. I smiled pleasantly, feeling the warm rays peck on my skin. I was about to turn around to go outside to get some fresh air when a sudden noise drove me away from my thoughts.
My head jerked sideways at the black and white TV screen that had just popped up all of a sudden. I clamped my hands over my ears, all the while searching for the remote. The loud noise was stabbing my ears like hell! I tossed things around frantically, ruining the neat look of my lounge till I finally found it. It under the newspapers on the sofa and I hastily punched the off button.
Silence…
I breathed out heavily. “That was…” I was saying when I heard the ticks from clock hanging on the wall. I laughed at that. The silly thing had started working on its own but there was something odd about it. My laugh trailed off as the ticks started to get faster and faster. I glanced up, narrowing my eyes to see that it wasn’t just the ticking sound. The needles on the clock had started moving, rotating; slowly at first and then picking up speed. The time changed from 10 o’clock am to noon and then 1 pm.
I tilted my head sideways to the view outside the glass windows. My mouth slightly hung open at the sight. The clock wasn’t just going crazy, time itself was moving quicker than it was supposed to. I watched the sky turned from light blue to orange in seconds and then just as quickly it turned dark. All the while the door beside the windows began to open and shut constantly, violently. I backed away with a thundering heart. I gave one last look at the clock before turning around to run.
“It’s midnight already! Damn!” I passed my parents room, hearing a short laughter from somewhere. “This is crazy!” I cried out loudly, heading straight for my room. Once there, I slammed the door shut behind me, panting. That’s when I noticed that there was no light here. I traced my hand on the wall beside me when a sudden spark made me jump and I withdrew it quickly. Tears were starting to well up inside my eyes and sprung at my bed. The tears did not come out yet, strangely but I still cried out in despair, burying my face into the pillow. I pulled my blanket over me protectively; as if that would solve anything. I listened quietly for any sudden movements but there weren’t any. Things were too silent in the room and it made me more anxious.
The door swung open suddenly, hitting the wall with a loud thud. I flipped myself around on the bed to see who it was but the blanket blocked half of my view. The light from the other room had entered mine, followed by a shadow. That was all I COULD see. The blanket covered my left eye and no matter how much I yanked it off, it was like it kept extending in my hand. It wouldn’t come off my eye! With one eye I couldn’t look at who was standing in the doorway since it was on the left side of the wall in front.
“Stop bothering me! Leave me alone!” I shrieked, making a desperate effort to sink my words into his brain but he ignored my pleas and countered in a dark, threatening voice,
“I am not human, nor demon…” That didn’t make any sense to me but it sure terrified me.
“Who are you then?” I asked dumbly but in a frightened, shaky voice. There wasn’t time to think of the right words to say as I was still fidgeting with the blanket. My heart hammered and my brain ached out of fear.
“That you will find out once I’ve killed you…” His words didn’t take any time to sink into my head after which I heard slow footsteps approach my bed. The color drained from my face and tears finally came out. I thrashed my arms around wildly,
“NO!” I said after which the scream that I’d been holding in for so long escaped my mouth.
I bolted up straight, panting heavily. I was blinded for a few seconds till my eyes adjusted to the dark. I looked around the empty room. My father’s snores reached my ears from the room beside me, giving me relief. After making sure that there were no actual demons, I lay my head back on the pillow but didn’t close my eyes.
It had happened again just like it happened each night. A different nightmare would haunt me every night and I would wake up like this. “I wonder why I didn’t thrash around or scream at the start of the dream when the clock had started moving so fast… the thrashing might have woken me up and would’ve spared me the part that almost gave me a heart attack.”
I’m in my classroom now…?
2.
The light bulbs lighted the room brightly. I entered my classroom, smiling to see that everyone was busy in their everyday chit chat and jokes. The atmosphere was calming, mind soothing for someone who had wicked dreams each night. No one noticed me though when I entered the room but that didn’t bug me. It wasn’t as if I was popular or anything. I silently strode towards my seat with the back pack hanging loosely at my elbow. It was heavy but I didn’t put it down because someone else was sitting there on my seat. I tapped his shoulder and he turned to smile at me, waving me to sit on the chair in front of him today.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in amusement. It was weird how every day Harry’s seat would be different. This time he chose to sit on my chair. I didn’t mind though. He was a friend. I let him be and got seated with my back facing him when all of a sudden, Amy’s voice went in my ears.
“Hey, look here Twink! Harry can do this awesome trick with his head,” she’d said. Oddly I hadn’t noticed her before and when I turned myself around, I saw that she was sitting beside Harry. ‘How odd?’ I thought, ‘I was sure that seat was empty when I came…’ But I shrugged the thought away and then my eyes lingered to Harry.
I gasped and literally pushed myself back, hitting the table behind me. ‘That’s not him,’ I thought.
It wasn’t him sitting there; it wasn’t his face. The face was blotchy and almost zombie like, the color of tree bark. There was a pair of dull black eyes… they were animal eyes without the white that humans had in their eyes. The person grinned dauntingly at me and then started tilting his head upwards.
I watched, my mind already screaming at me, telling me to run away now but he held my gaze. As the face moved, I heard the clicking of bones. I held my breath, feeling an ache start in my neck seeing him like this. And my lips were quivering by the time the eyes reached the bottom and the tattered lips took their place on the top. ‘The head is upside down!’ I shrieked at myself inside.
“Isn’t it great?” Amy was saying excitedly as if completely oblivious to the gruesomeness. I stared at her in bafflement, shaking my head. The class was getting noisier.
“How could you not notice that?” I yelled but she didn’t seem to hear that. She was laughing at the thing sitting beside her, not a slight bit of worry on her face. Then the rest of the class joined her as well. I looked puzzled, “What’s going on? What’s so funny?”
The thing made a sound that was close to a snort, “You are…”
I stared at him angrily, “No you shut up! This is all because of you!” I roared, “You’re the one causing this, get out of my head and get out of my life!” I was out of breath by the end of the sentence. I’d never shouted like that, ever but he’d made me mad. It was irritating enough to have him constantly eavesdropping on my dreams, turning them into nightmares and now he was taunting me in front of the entire class.
The demon’s expression darkened and the way he glared at me, it tore at the anger I was feeling. Its upside down head stretched forward with an open mouth, neck extending. It revealed hideous looking grey teeth. The head reached me in less than two seconds and I gasped, shutting my eyes.
My eyes opened to the dark room I was in. I rubbed my hand over my forehead, trying to catch my breath. Everything was motionless inside my room. I turned over, and covered my head with the pillow. “This is getting frustrating…” I mumbled.
Oh Yay! I’m flying to my death this time…
3.
“Woah!” I said, balancing myself on the steady, colorful balcony floor. It wasn’t my house and the balcony was all open to the night sky; no walls to keep me from falling if I slipped. And it was very likely to happen because for some reason the angle of gravity had changed. It was like the floor was sloped towards the open and I was clinging on to an elevated surface of the wall.
The rest of the house was huge. I spun my head around at the sound of clicking and saw one of my friends closing the pale yellow curtains behind me. There was no door or doorway or anything. The curtains were the only things that divided the other room from the balcony.
“Hey, wait! Don’t leave me out here.” I called but no one heard me. I struggled to walk towards the motionless curtains. But just as my hand left the pillar while the other was reaching for the next pillar, gravity did a surprise attack on me. I was pulled back, sliding on the marble floor towards the edge.
“Wha– Hey this isn’t fair!” I complained, quickly grabbing the edge of the floor. My feet dangled in mid-air. I let out a soft moan, trying desperately to keep my fingers from slipping. The night sky looked so gigantic from here and the land was too far down. Suddenly, the gravity changed its course again and this time, I was thrown forward through the curtains, rolling onto the floor.
None of my friends noticed me. They were too busy filling their mouths with tea from tiny cups sitting around a round table. It was a huge empty room with just a table and a few occupied plastic chairs. I frowned, “When did you guys start drinking tea?”
They looked up at me and I winced, cringing away from them. ‘That’s not tea!’ my brain yelled at me, ‘that’s blood!!’
But before I even got the chance to get up, the gravity went completely mad. A force pushed me forward, sliding toward the second room before being propelled upward. And I hadn’t even reached the second room. But before hitting the ceiling I was again shoved toward the curtains. I shut my eyes, short screams escaping my lips as the cycle continued. I was literally rocking up and down, all around the room. Then, suddenly, it all stopped and I gulped hard. By that time, I was at the ceiling, staring down with dubious eyes, not sure what would happen if I fell. And I did fall, never landing on the marble floor the way I’d predicted. Instead, a huge black hole formed and I was sucked into it.
I felt the wind hitting me with force from one side and my hair was being thrown at my face. I opened my eyes to witness the most craziest/dangerous ride I’d ever seen. And I was on it! There was a rectangular metal plate beneath me and that was all there was to stand on. Metal rods were attached to all four of its corners and it was going round in crazy patters, so fast that it knocked the breath from me. There were several other metal plates moving just as fast and also occupied by excited laughing people. I couldn’t see the view from here due to the incredulous speed. All I saw were quick grey lines everywhere. ‘Is that even possible?’ I asked, clutching the metal rods tighter.
“What is going on?” I asked, raising my voice so that it could be heard above the noise of the heavy wind.
“The world is ending!” A girl who I hadn’t notice before was standing beside. She said it like it was a good thing.
“What do you mean?” I yelled back, gripping the metal rod like it was something very dear to me.
“When the world ends, things like these will happen. The rides will all go crazy and people will dieee…”
As she was saying it, her cheeks began to droop, along with all her other muscles and she started turning pale. The whiteness in her eyes disappeared and her pupil grew to a dull black color. Her voice started changing, becoming squeakier by the second. “You’re dying,” it said in the squeaky, yet demonic voice.
My heart sank at the sight of the thing standing beside me. I tried to step further away but the metal rod broke and then I was falling… falling to my death.
I woke with a heavy gasp. This time I was sure I wouldn’t sleep for another two days. Still breathing hard, I wondered, “Why does every dream of mine have to end with a demonic person trying to kill me? What have I done to them?”
(This post has been edited once)
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Your story has many occasional bumps. Sometimes, a part becomes so interesting that you can't stop reading, while at times it becomes pretty boring. You have to keep the interest consistent, so much so that your reader reads every single word of your short story. But you have potential, and that's why I thought to tell you about it.
Moreover, in some places you get over-emotional and sometimes, you get under-emotional - I'm saying that your essay should be uniform, with the right dozes of emotion in the right places.
There is also an element vagueness in your story. At times, I can not really interpret what you're try to convey in the composition. You have to provide the reader with ample description, not too little, nor too much, but moderate.
Other than that, the narratives were good. Omit your mistakes, and you will exceed more.
Your story has many occasional bumps. Sometimes, a part becomes so interesting that you can't stop reading, while at times it becomes pretty boring. You have to keep the interest consistent, so much so that your reader reads every single word of your short story. But you have potential, and that's why I thought to tell you about it.
Moreover, in some places you get over-emotional and sometimes, you get under-emotional - I'm saying that your essay should be uniform, with the right dozes of emotion in the right places.
There is also an element vagueness in your story. At times, I can not really interpret what you're try to convey in the composition. You have to provide the reader with ample description, not too little, nor too much, but moderate.
Other than that, the narratives were good. Omit your mistakes, and you will exceed more.
Hi Twinkle!
So, I think the whole lot of the story (nightmare xP) was scary if you actually imagine each and every word of it, and I did that it did kind of creep me out but if someone was just reading this so plainly, I don't think you would have any feelings coming across us. That's what I felt but I liked it. :] There are lots of punctuation mistakes, and some small grammatical ones too, but that's okay.
It was overall, nice and I enjoyed it! ;DD You should write more.
--
Cookie <3'
First of all I think This has a lot if tension which is great. But I'm wondering why you don't want names in this piece?

And since you don't want names in here, why would you just randomly pick some?
I think you should have the most important. characters nameless if you can.
Anyway, I think the writing is alright but maybe a bit more refining where punctuation is concerned.
I didn't read your first attempt at this, but this sounds pretty good to me.
The story was great. I just had to look through the story so the beginning would come together because well you did not put more details which made me confused. In all it was creepy. I dont think i can say what those dreams mean because they were a bit different in my opinion but it all made for a good short story. I liked it.
I sensed emotion in this, though I would prefer it to be more of a story than a conversation...in my opinion, it would be better without the way you ended it with your dad in the story. You could have ended it with you thinking over the dreams, or ignoring your dad and trying to get back to sleep. The story interested me, yet the ending, in a way, ended my interest. I am sure that if I spread this around, people could like it, but I am not sure, and I wouldn't spread it without your permission.
I think dreams are soo interesting, so I like reading through this and trying to pick apart your subconscious (that sounds really creepy, doesn't it?). In any case, while this was interesting, it didn't flow well, and I think that that's the main thing lacking here. It needs to read like a story rather than a conversation. Part of the cure for this will be slowing this down, even if you have to break this story into sections (you could post a part one and two of this story, I mean, if it got too long). In any case, this was a fun read but one that could be improved slightly by making it transition more naturally.
I hoped this helps, and keep writing!
Well, I haven't found any spelling and/or grammatical errors as of yet, so kudos to you on that one, love~ overall, I really liked the story, and a personally found I could relate to it (being haunted by nightmares a lot myself). It makes me curious what the 'demon' is meant to symbolize, though, whether he be just a codename for a cruel figure in your life or just a figment of your imagination. It kept me thinking throughout, and you really did a good job with it. I really liked it! ^^
Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac