Lonely dog,
Black against the snow-stained ground,
Head swings back and forth,
Searching.
Hungry dog,
Empty-bellied, with calloused paws
And cold joints
Trembling.
Old dog,
Sight’s been gone and hearing follows,
Blue eyes twitch, into silent traffic,
Wandering.
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Canary word: Present
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,425 Reviews
Wow! This poem made me think! If I'm right it's about three dogs. Three very different but very similar dogs. The poem had quite a bit of emotion that was hidden under your words. Awesome Job!
This had a lot of feeling! Even though I wasn't entirely sure about whether it was the same dog, which i'm not sure whether was a bad thing; it may just have added interest. The words you used were wonderful - e.g. calloused. That's a a good word and has an important effect on this poem and the picture of the dog (in my mind).
I don't have any critisism really, other than maybe you could try to add some more imagery - similes etc. - even if not to this poem, but to other poems you might write. Diversity's good, right? and the practice is worth it!
Great job! ^^
Could you vague this up more, you tell us about three dogs, guessing all the same one, but you give us no real feeling since it's all told rather than shown. It does have some merit but the structure doesn't work for this poem you need to hit our emotions.
Overall: The idea has merit but structure needs to change so ya can give this a more emotional flow.
Good luck
VSN