Autumn

by Twinflower

Published September 30, 2007

In Poetry

Autumn

Sweet summer’s breath fades,
Green life pierced through with autumn’s blade;
Time has weakened season-old leaves,
And the wind with careless ease,
Plucks them from the yellowed trees.

But beneath gold sun-strand curls I find
The memory of blue August sky.
And on my lips
Soft and blushing fingertips.

In touching you I try
To hold the brightest star,
To contain its flame and fire
As it burns my hands—
But your soul is too precious
To give it back to you.

Caresses and kisses,
Nurture buried wishes;
A shaft of happiness
Scatters autumn mists.

A promise of beginning
As warmth and freedom ends;
A lifting of my heart
As the last leaf falls.

--------------------------------

My first poem in a while. And I used punctuation! :D ----but did it work, i wonder....

Comments & reviews · 7
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betwixt
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betwixt commented Comment · Oct 12, 2007

The only criticism I would give is a 'shaft of happiness' because to me the poem seems very happyhappyyay and shaft is small [i think!]. But I actually really enjoyed it, and the word choice was greattt :]

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Lil_Pau
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Lil_Pau commented Comment · Oct 11, 2007

I kinda agree with GingerLizzy...littered with cliches & that...but it's a beautiful poem, you've got some good visualization there. :)

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iQuippie
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iQuippie commented Comment · Oct 3, 2007

:D Loved it. Great imagery. I particularly liked the second stanza.
Write on.
--Quippie

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Myth
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Myth commented Comment · Oct 3, 2007

Oh shiny. This is a very pretty poem to read. I love the images coming to mind of autumn and particularly love the second stanza.

elephantwalrus wrote a review Review · Oct 3, 2007

Lovely!

I liked how much description you used, but the rhythm was all over the place. It's fine the way it is, but it would feel more connected if the rhythm was more constant. The first five lines were my favorite...the rhyme was fantastic! If the rest of the poem followed that meter and rhyme, it would be absolutely blow-your-socks-off astounding (in my opinion), but it's already really good.

Once again, lovely!

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GingerLizzy
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GingerLizzy wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2007

Wonderful.

Although, like my autumn poem, it;s a bit littered with cliches and such; but it's still good. The flow was okay although I agree with KittyCat when she says there wasn't really a set rhythm. This bothered me a little more than it did her though as I find it difficult to read a piece of poetry that has no rhythm to it. With this, it makes the poem feel like a poem and not just a piece of writing.

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kittykat_luva
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kittykat_luva wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2007

I like it, it doesn't have a set rhythm, but thats ok. Although the definition of poem says it has to follow a set rhythm, I like poems that don't really match (if you know what I mean). :D



The opposite of belonging is fitting in.
— Dr. Brené Brown