Instead, my eyes continue to search the screen, searching for something else. Anything that would surface a memory—an “I remember that!” But the rest of the list is something they must explain to me, because while I understand the language (it’s English, duh), everything seems random and scrambled and messed up, like they took a math textbook and threw it in a blender. That’s super helpful.
“So, how am I supposed to know what is below the top?” I wave my hand at the screen, and at the gibberish below my name. “Is that all code I’ll need a college degree to understand?”
Keisha touches the line below my name, home to a string of combined letters and numbers. “These are the results of the test you just took. The first string represents how prone to aggression you are, the second to how you respond to insults, the third is to discover your emotional po—”
“Why didn’t you tell me I was taking a bloody test!” I shove my chair back and drop the cup to the ground, feeling the shatter of glass against my bare legs as it lands on the tile floor. The pieces of china dig into my skin, and I feel a single drop of blood rolling its way down my ankle, but I reach down to wipe it off. “You mean I went through that… that thing just to see what my personality is?”
Both of them look at me as though sheets of glass themselves, untouched by my screams. “If we had told you it was a test, would you have responded to all the ‘questions’ in the same manner?” Karsh asks, still sitting calmly in his chair.
I tap my heel begrudgingly. “Well, no. I would have acted differently.”
“Exactly the reason why we didn’t tell you,” Keisha says. “We don’t tell you because we want the test results to show the exact personality of the subject.”
“So I am a subject now?” I find the seat in the chair once again and pull myself back with my feet to the desk. The china shards still bite into my leg, but I refuse to touch them. “If I am the subject, is there a predicate around?”
Instead of Karsh becoming irritated, which generally seems to bear a lovely affect, he simply nods like I asked the right question. “Yes, there is. Or rather, two subjects. We’ll leave the predicate at present for diagraming sentences.” He pauses dramatically, as if to raise tension, but continues when I raise my eyebrow and remain seated. Apparently, I do know how to keep patient. “You will become an Affinity.”
“What is an Affinity?” My glum at not making him upset is overridden by this new word—something I know the definition of, but don’t see the purpose here. “What are we going to do? Perhaps scream ‘To Affinity and Beyond!’ as our slogan, since it’s catchy?”
Karsh ignores my last comment, while Keisha hides a smile… again. “Your Affinity is the boy who you will spend the rest of your time in the ARC facility with. He will be your companion, your friend—your everything. In a word, he will be your Affinity.”
“So you’re saying that I have to spend whoever-knows-how-long I am here with a person I don’t even know, and worse still, with a boy I don’t know? Sounds creepy. And stupid.” I say. Now they are definitely upset with me. Even Keisha hides her disapproving frown. But I don’t care. “Could you care to tell me the reason for the… um, whatever you called it? Uh, Affinity. Yeah.”
“The reason for an Affinity is several reasons, but mainly one. You as a girl have different talents than a boy—different capabilities. You each have such a broad spectrum of strength and weaknesses, and the two of you come together to make a whole—an Affinity.”
“So you are calling me half a person?” I am not sure if I should take it as an insult or an indication of insanity. Probably both.
“An Affinity is not two halves of a single person, but two people which make the perfect team.”
“So let me get this straight. You are going to pair me up with a boy you don’t even know if I’ll get along with—have I mentioned how strange and, um, potentially distracting that could be?—and you think we are going to make the perfect team, just like that?” I say, snapping my fingers.
“Let’s get one more thing straight, for your future reference.” Karsh stands and puts his good hand on the desk, leaving his stump dangling like a muscular sausage, and looks down at me like some domineering school principal, about to deal death and damnation out to his quivering students. I return a level gaze even though my eyes want to drop down to my lap, where they can be safe from him. “We have no maternity ward at this facility,” he says.
I run the last sentence through my mind over and over and over, the same words bouncing back in my head. ‘No maternity ward.’ I don’t even want to think about what that could imply, but it keeps resurfacing and I have to confront it. “So I take it romance isn’t a requirement, then.”
“We’re getting off subje—”
“It’s strongly discouraged, because it draws you away from what is important here,” Keisha interrupts him. I half expect Karsh to turn and give her a nasty look—his specialty with me, it seems—but he simply acknowledges what she said with a nod.
“And what is important here?” I ask.
“First and foremost, listening and keeping your mouth shut,” Karsh says, sitting back in his chair—death and damnation session over for the moment. “Without that, you won’t survive long here.”
“But you need to remember what your purpose in this facility is, as well.” Keisha’s voice seems to bring a better feeling to me, and I wish Karsh would just let her do the rest of the talking. While she calms me down, he accomplishes the exact opposite. Go figure. “Your goal here is to become one with your Affinity, and that is only done by constant practice, and by being with him for the next five years. Every day working to truly become one mind.”
“Sounds lovely,” I mutter. “How do I even know if I’m going to like him, though? What if we don’t get along at all?”
“Have you not been paying attention to what we’ve been saying, or have you been interrupting so much we haven’t been able to tell you abou—”
“Probably both,” I admit.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hello once again Timothy! I am back to review some more of your work =P
I love your book so far and am enjoying myself immensly! I cannot wait to read the next chapter! I love Avery, she has a very strong personality and I like that alot about her. Strong personalities are something I always admire in people as well as book characters. When your able to stand on your own two feet and not have to lean on anyone, it makes you stronger. Avery is strong and funny, yet I sense she has a deeper side to her. One she won't show to everyone. *thumbs up*
My sister Annie just told me that Avery reminds her alot of me xD That's probably why I love her, cause I feel a connection. Connecting with characters is something I think is very important when reading. One of the most important, for me anyways. I love the feeling of having something in common with whoever it is your reading about, and you gave me that connection feeling with Avery. Thank you for that!
As for the grammatical side of things - I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. One suggestion though - In the chapters before, it took mea second to catch on that the person was a girl. Maybe mention something like that in the beginning, when you first introduce Avery into the story. If you do that it might make it a little easier to understand and comprehend =)
Praise - I loved this chapter, we are finally getting some information on what exactly the people are there for. It was awesome! Thanks for the information cause I am so pumped right now. Can't wait for the next paaaarrrtttt!!
Thats all I have for you right now, see you on the next chapter!
~Selina
YES, that was something a few people have noticed so it's good you caught on. >> I didn't do a very good job introducing her as a girl, but more as just a person. So I needs to fix that and make it seem more.... um, girly? xD Not really. But I know what I needs to do. ^^
Yayyyy, you're finding a connection with her. <3 That means I'm doing my job right. Thank you. :')
More girly? No. I like her how she is =P xD
Welcome xD
Hey, Timmy! Never fear, Adrian is here for their 150th review.
I'm finally back in a timely manner.I do like Avery in this chapter. While being annoying by interrupting Karsh, she is also getting some of the questions we need answered.
Avery doesn't have any memory, but she's able to recall what a math textbook and a blender is? I'm wondering how this 'no memory' thing works. She's not able to recall any of her past, but she is able to say sarcastic comments about math and jokingly say that "Los Angeles is the capital of Brazil." So, maybe there will be something about that later?
A reference to a movie! (This is sort of linked to my first question.)
They are sitting in a room, finally talking about Affinity. Yay! (So, Boy, whatever his name is, is going to be paired with Avery.) This says that it wouldn't be best for them to have a romantic relationship, however, it could really go either way. Because, with saying they can't.... Avery and Boy are bound to fall for each other. That's what I've seen happen, at least.
Yup, I was right. Prone to outbursts. This has to get her into major trouble one day.
Not that I want her to get into trouble or anything.However, I am worried about the "become one" part of what Keisha said. Becoming one mind, though... hm... Are they going to hear each others' thoughts? Because one, that would be really cool. Two, think of Avery's reaction. I'm still trying to figure out why someone would need an Affinity, though. Are Avery and Boy going to fight crime, totally synchronized?
Are they going to be enrolled into synchronized swimming?That's really what I have to say about this chapter. I do hope that you will continue writing.
~Adri
Thank youuu for this review, Raven. <3 It's super helpful, like all of your others. I still have to work on inserting this into the story, but their memories were taken away - not their knowledge of things. And you will soon find out about the one mind. hehe
Thank youuu <3 And congrats on the star! It be so purdy
Hey! FireBird99 here for a review!
Loving it like usual! Its nice to get info on what's happening. My favorite part and metaphor is
I never thought of math being any more complicated but this was awesome! It describes math so well. A bunch of numbers in the mixing blender. LOL!I love it!!! I hate math -_____-
I don't know if its only me, I know she is a strong character, but if she is confused, tired and outmatched I'm not sure if she would be so arrogant toward them. So far she has woken up in a strange place, remembering nothing, had the drop of her life, attacked by an alien type creature and killed it, plus she is now learning that she has been spied on all her life by these two. When she was crying in that room in the previous chapters it looks like her spirit was beginning to get broken. I'm not sure if she would be so arrogant toward the ones responsible for all of it. A few times of her interrupting was expected from her but I'm not sure if she would continue every time that he spoke. Especially for such a masculine, burly kind of guy that he is, he would be pretty intimidating. Do you get what i'm trying to say? I don't know if I said it right. If you don't than let me know =)
That would be everything. Awesome job!
Annie
Thank youuu for the review, Annie! You know, I completely agree with you on that. Hm. I want to make her seem like a strong character, but weak at the same time. I will edit that and think about it and build up what will be a better representation of her character. Thank you. I really enjoy these reviews. <3
Your welcome once again =). Alrighty, glad I could help. I wasn't sure if you would know what I was trying to say but I'm glad you do. I'm glad you enjoy them haha =P
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
I love this! I'm a character person, always wanting to see the little parts of characters that make them who they are, or are not. And this is one of those things I enjoy seeing. Avery could've easily just said, "It's all written in English, but...". Instead, she says the whole "it's English, duh" thing. That really shows her personality. I can't really put my finger on what kind of trait that it she's displaying, but it's part of her character and that's all that really matters.
I doubt that there would be only one drop of blood running down her leg if there was glass in her skin
This was all a test, huh? Interesting. I totally didn't see that coming, but it would explain all the crazy things that had happened. It all seemed too detached from reality to be anything real. Everything that happened makes sense to me. I can imagine how they were able to manipulate the events of the past few... hours? days? I lost track of time. I'm still curious as to how they changed her clothes though, because she was in a hospital gown, yes, then a different outfit. Unless I'm remembering wrong, which is just as likely.
Hm, I wonder who this boy is going to be? I don't think we've met him yet. Nope. Uh-uh. Never.
I think your timing in this novel is very good. In the beginning few chapters we were lost, not knowing what was going on or where Avery and the boy even were. They didn't remember anything which meant we didn't get to know anything either. We didn't get to learn the details of what's going on here until this chapter. You've spent a few chapters focusing on each of them before you dove into the real reason of the story. That's good strategy, especially because they're going to be important to the story. Well duh, of course they'll be important, they're the main characters. My point is, we get to see them before they're put together and forced to form this Affinity.
This'll definitely be interesting. I have so many questions, but I know that I'll get them answered in the next part of the chapter. At least, I hope so. Avery might keep interrupting enough that they won't be able to say anything :3
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thank youuuu for this wonderful review, Noelle.<3 Does Avery interrupt too much for you? Or is it fine? My pacing gets worse as the novel goes on.... SPOILER ALERT. sowwy. xd
NOPE YOU NEVER MET THE BOY. NU-UH
It's totally fine. I was just poking fun at her ^_^
Thank you for your review, Jumpy! As always, so helpful.
And I think I have found my writers' group. I have been with them for almost a year now, and they're incredible. And thank you for your comments and nitpicks and compliments. <3
someone had too much sugarSays the person who has an orange avatar.Thanks timmy!
O.O wow. This was by far the most satisfying and my personal favorite chapter of all. I am definitely going to talk about the plot. I may ramble on... so be prepared.
So, first of all. I like this sudden revelation. A lot of things clicked into place with this chapter.
One of the first things that struck me was that Karsh and Keisha are Affinity's to each other - hence the names. They are complete opposites and that they were paired up. This is scary. It made me wonder: were they trapped here like the others?, it made question if they were test subjects once upon a time. As they are very different characters. Karsh is harsh. Keisha is easily humoured. They "complete" each other. What I was wondering though was, if they were subjects... How come they are still there? Is the five years not up for them? What is making them stay? A very curious thing indeed.
Second thing is why they are being assessed. I like that. The test was to see who is the opposite of them to be paired up with. The whole personality thing appealed to me. Instantly I was thinking: She is going to paired up with Boy (Ally?). The realization was like BOOM! It's going to be interesting to see how they get along together and try to work in harmony with each other to hopefully escape. Ce?
You have done well portraying Avery. Yet again you show us through her dialogue and her actions rather than saying it how it is. She is an interesting character. Like Deanie said... Spunky. I would like to see how she clashes with... Ally.
Onto the nitpicks!
You mentioned in the last part that it was English, you don't need to repeat that. Random and scrambled and messed up... Hmmm. I think only the first two are needed
Dig dig dig! What affect? Aggression? This is one of the times you need to just point it out to us.
"I am here" isn't needed.
I would separate the "perfect team" and "just like that". So the "just like that is more effective. So "Just like that" would be a separate sentence.
This bugs me so much. Why can't people see that love strengthens everything? x)
"the death and damnation session".
Hahahahaha. Speaking of interruption... You JUST GOT INTERRUPTED. Mwhahahaha.
I feel as if this are beginning to clear up. I understood so much in a little part of text. You didn't info dump, but you did give us vital info. I found that crazy, yet I admired it. Well done.
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
Thank you for this amazing review, Truant!
I love reading them and they are all so super helpful. <3
Hi Timmy, I skipped the last chapter because I think I had already read most of the information before. Like I say, this is in return for your awesome reviews.Are her and the boy going be an Affinity? They already have a sort of relationship and they seemed to get on.
The first thing I thought was yay! More information at last! . It explains a lot, the whole 'Affinity' thing and the personality tests.
I love the idea of the pairing to make them the perfect team. The concept of pairing them up explains the dual narrative: the boy and the girl. Is this going where I think it's going??
Spoiler
You told me that Chapter 5 was coming back to the boy, so I'm excited to find more about him, like his name for example.
Another thing I really like is the voices of the characters. They are all individual, though I find Karsh and Avery the strongest. Avery is certainly developing no she knows a bit about who she is. I can see why she's frustrated though. She and I both want to know more about the Affinities and the whole purpose for forming them.
Other than that, I don't have anything to say. There are no obvious nitpicks.
I will move onto the next chapter before you post again.
Thank you for the amazing review, Bella.
Hai Timmy!
Bear with?
I should really be reading LOTS. But I want to read Affinity, so
Finally, we get some answers! Yay, double yay! I feel like this book has just got promoted in my eyes or something. I have to repeat what I mentioned in the previous review as well, which is that I love Avery's character and the way she acts. Even though she is completely out of her depth here, she isn't letting herself be intimidated and she is messing around just as much as she always would do. Love it :3 And as well as all the spunk (yep, people totally still use that word) that we are getting from Avery, you've managed to feed us little bits of information about how this place works without it seeming info dumping in the slightest. I definitely have to applaud you for that. With chapters like these it could've easily felt like you were dumping too much on us at one time.
Now that reminded me of a certain conversation xD Hmph.
I felt like using the words 'dig into my skin' a bit wrong in this case because it didn't fit. When I think about something digging in, it's while it is being pressed against something instead of the object falling against something. So, maybe saying the glass 'scratched legs, catching in her skin' might seem more suitable for this case?
Wait, what? This sentence didn't make sense? I don't think them looking at her like they were sheets of glass would make much sense either? So I assuming the sentence is supposed to be something like: Both of them look at me as through they are separated from me by sheets of glass.
Okay, this might sound a little weird. But let's say someone gives you this piece of information, solely this. What's the first thing you think of, knowing the pairing is going to be male and female? When I read this it sounded to me like they were going to go through an arranged marriage or something just because of the fact that Karsh says the guy has to be your everything. Literally everything. I think you get what I mean
Wow, what a twisted sentence when it could really be so simple! Suggestion: There are several reasons for Affinity, but there is a main one.
Whoa, I didn't like that being there! It seemed completely out of place, disjoint and had nothing to do with the conversation. Avery had asked a question, and it wasn't even in the sense of this, and would never have provoked this as an answer in any way. Which was why I found it so sudden. Maybe you should move this somewhere else in the conversation where it fits better? What I expected was for him to answer Avery's question, saying that now they had the personality tests it meant they could make a perfect pairing. [Which was never mentioned here, but it would be a logical answer to her question, and I'm surprised it wasn't in there somewhere.] I am getting a bit distracted here. Bottom line is, that didn't flow right with the conversation in the moment.
Great ending <3 I loved how Avery did both things that Karsh was trying to accuse her of doing too much xD This was a pretty short review, but this chapter was so good there isn't much for me to say at all. Except this: Post more and post soon!
Deanie x
Thanks for the awesome review, Livvy. Yeah, I get the awkwardness there. xD I will edit that... eventually. I have decided to edit nothing until I'm finished, but I will get to it. ^.^ Every single thing you tell me makes sense, and is so helpful. Thank you.
Heya Timmy!
Tulip here to review your newest instillation of Affinity.
Okay first thing first- I loved this part. She has such a lovely attitude. I love how she utilizes it against them. It is pretty much like a verbal punch to the face.
The fact that the other person(s) were getting really annoyed at Avery made me smile. The fact that she tried so hard to make her listen and shut up didn't work was amazing. A very is one of those who will speak their mind if they so wish.
I love how Affinity isn't just half of a person. I love the idea how two of them together makes the perfect team.
That is all I feel like saying since I didn't really find any nitpicks.
Good Day,
Keep Calm and Write,
~Tulip.
Thanks for the amazingly fast review, Tulip!
You're so awesome. <3